Author	Thread: having a guy as a best friend
angela_lee101 View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 3 Nov, 2008 03:01 PM ok so my best friend is a guy and he has been for like 5 years or something like that. he knows everything about me and we are really close. he is like a brother to me...this was a problem with the last guy that i dated had a problem with it and i really didnt understand why...it really bugged me because i took it as him not trusting me...was i wrong to think that and what would you trust your other half if they had a guy as a best friend??? Post Reply
cranston View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 3 Nov, 2008 05:10 PM well thats a 21/21 question: first your guy friend should have been a little more sensative and know how to make the guy you were dating feel comfortable: as a guy you have to know how to operate: now thats an answer in the flesh: now lets talk as a child of the most high GOD: the guy you were dating should have take it to the LORD in prayer and wait and see what the LORD was saying about the situation: don't we have dicerment? Post Reply
View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 4 Nov, 2008 07:50 AM I think this is a common problem, i've run into it before. For the longest time my best friend was a girl and her boyfriend didn't like it one bit as he was a jealous type. But I don't think it's so much a trust thing than it is a jealous thing which I can completely understand. If you find your boyfriend/girlfriend spending quite a bit of time with a person of their opposite gender I think it's only human to be jealous. Now, as Christians we're to be called above that...but I didn't notice if you mentioned your previous boyfriend was Christian or not. Post Reply
angela_lee101 View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 4 Nov, 2008 09:44 AM my x boyfriend was a Christian and maybe you are right about the jealousy thing...i don't think that it would have bugged as much as it did if my x would have taken more time to get to know my best friend and hung out with everyone together so that he could see that there is nothing going on between us. Post Reply
View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 6 Nov, 2008 01:40 PM I would say that it's probably best to seek same gender relationships if you desire to establish a "best friend" bond, to confide in, and be accountable to. There are well known married pastors who out of love and respect for their wives don't engage in personal friendships with females and have male friends who hold them accountable to their marriage and walk of faith. Personally, if I were married, my wife would become my best friend to confide in and would have no reason to really seek female companionship outside of that relationship. If I by chance had a close friend who was a female prior to my marriage, I still would have to consider greatly my wife, her heart, and the feelings she may in regards to this friendship. Even Christians with the sincerest of intentions can fall into sexual immorality rather quickly and issues of trust and jealousy will only weaken a pure bond of love. Post Reply
angela_lee101 View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 7 Nov, 2008 09:45 AM i totally agree that once i get married or at least find someone that i want to marry and i am in a relationship that is going down the path of marriage that my other half would be my best friend...i was once told that one way to know you are ready for marriage is when your other half knows more about you and you know more about them then your best friend because they are now your best friend...but that kind of relationship does take a long time to build, its not an overnight thing...i guess the thing that i am having a hard time dealing with is that my best friend now is a guy and we are really close and if anything more was going to happen it would have happened already...i think of him like a brother and thats how we act like brother and sister so i don't really get whats wrong...anyway thats my thoughts on it :D Post Reply
View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 7 Nov, 2008 11:04 AM I wasn't trying to imply that having a same gender friend to share laughter, smiles, and intimate thoughts with is a bad thing, a sin if you will. Typically, it's not reccomended because of the underlying sexual tension that can occur if one's flesh is not under the control of the Holy Spirit. I'm glad you have a genuine friend. I think many guys are more prone in struggling with seperating a sincere, sister like friendship with a female from wanting to experience something more, especially if there is the slighest bit of attraction. I say this from personal experience from dating women and having sexual relationships in my pre-Christ days. Of course now, that is a big bounday that I don't tread, but yet I still have much attraction for women. That will never change, and I know when I meet my wife, I'll be totally anomored by all of her and will do my best to love in every way as Christ loves all of us. Being a Christian doesn't mean we shut off our feelings, if anything our faith brings us deeper into our hearts and souls as we connect more deeply with God and walk more obediently with Him. What are his intentions towards you? Do you completely understand how he feels about you? Is he being emotionally honest? Is he presently involved in a relationship? Or seeking a girlfriend apart from you? I presume you think of him as a brother because I take it there is no sexual appeal/attraction when you think of him, see him, and spend time with him. Well, at least you know without a doubt where you stand. I commend you for that! It's probably easier for women to do so. Can your friend say the same thing about you? When I first became a Christian I met a guy through a church I was visiting, and we became buddies for a season. He was a virign in search of His wife with little dating experience and knowledge of women. However, he had a very close female friend who was just that..a great friend, but then a couple years I discovered they became married. Happy ending. I was sincerely glad for him as he truly felt like he was with his Divinely appointed wife, but I never suspected anything like that happening when I spent time with both of them prior to that. Interesting, I will say. A marriage relationship will have certain boundaries that will need to be respected and commited to. Relationships are hard enough as they are without external factors making them even more so. If my future wife was not entirely comfortable with me spending time with another female, then I would not set out to do so as to create tension and problems for our bond of love. Nice talking with you, Will Post Reply
View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 11 Nov, 2008 11:39 AM If a new man is interested in you for long term marriage, he might just be expecting to be your best friend and all you will ever need in life. You having a closer bond with another guy may only hurt any current or future relationships that are motivated towards courtship and marriage. Perhaps it is jealousy on someones end, but if new guys believe you will never stand by their side and their side alone and need another man to complete you it will probably sway their decision to get too close to you. Jealousy isn't right or healthy, but then again I've met women who have a ton of close guy friends and don't really have room for the good guy, or a need for him. These same women have very few or absolutely no strong female christian friends for some odd reason. God bless you, have a great day! :waving: Post Reply
angela_lee101 View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 13 Nov, 2008 01:44 PM thats interesting i guess i really never thought of it like that...but why do guys just expect to be best friends without having to work towards it? Post Reply
View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 13 Nov, 2008 03:15 PM The real question is, why would you date someone that you don't consider a friend? If you are doing that, you are still living in the world (lust of the flesh). Any relationship built on that will never succeed, because the flesh is never satisfied. It always wants more or different, and that is the path to destruction. I guess what I am trying to say is that friendship doesn't take much work, just trust. And shouldn't that be the first thing you develop? Even before a relationship, or date? To me, if you would rather be with another man, regardless of the reason, that speaks volumes about the way you feel about me. If you are that good of friends, maybe you should consider a relationship with him, it probably has a lot better chance of working out. Please don't crucify me, just my opinion, Leon Post Reply
3rdday View Profile History	having a guy as a best friend Posted : 14 Nov, 2008 02:09 AM You're way too young to remember this movie, but find it rent it, remember it! "When Harry Met Sally", Starring Billy Crystal / Meg Ryan. You will find the wisdom of Proverbs throughout. At least Youtube the title, and add can women and men just be friends. Hope it helps. Post Reply

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