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How do YOU survive in an angry world?
Posted : 29 Nov, 2010 05:22 PM
This insightful lead article by Charles Stanley in one of the issues of In Touch encourages us to apply God's Biblical perspective on surviving in an angry world; to deal with our own anger too Biblically as children of God.
Steve
Surviving in an Angry World
Letting Go of Anger
By Charles F. Stanley
In 1894, a baseball game literally became heated when a visiting Baltimore Oriole player started a fight with the Boston Red Sox third baseman. The conflict soon escalated as both teams rushed onto the field and fans poured out of the stands to join in the scuffle. During this frenzy, someone started a fire in the stadium, and the entire ballpark, along with 170 other buildings, burned to the ground�all because of one man�s rage! Although this example is extreme, it is a fitting picture of the destruction that can accompany unrestrained anger.
Anger is a big deal in God�s eyes because it wrecks lives, destroys mar-riages, wounds children, separates friends, and causes disunity in churches. Rage and resentment can take a terrible toll on (1) us, (2) our relationships with others, and (3) our fellowship with God. Unless our responses are placed under the Lord�s authority and directed by counsel from His Word, we leave ourselves vulnerable to extensive damage.
Consequences of Anger
To ourselves:
It distorts character. Unresolved anger reaches our innermost being with its corrupting poison. Instead of experiencing the peace and joy of Christ, we become filled with frustration and anxiety. A critical, judgmental spirit leads to belittling others with unkind words. Hostility makes us disagreeable, argumentative, and easily offended by even minor incidents. Imagined threats or insults take root and shape responses that are out of proportion to the situation.
It affects the body. God did not design our physical bodies to live with sustained anger. It wreaks havoc on every internal system and can even result in deadly ailments like heart attacks and strokes. We might do well to ask ourselves, Is hanging onto my resentment worth dying for?
To others:
It damages relationships. Our anger is never just our own issue; it always affects others, and tragically, those closest to us are the ones who suffer the most. Smoldering resentment blocks intimacy and creates barriers of silent hostility. And an explosive episode of rage can inflict much emotional trauma�or sometimes even physical harm.
It�s contagious. The Bible tells us, �Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself� (Prov. 22:24-25). Our rage and resentment affect those with whom we work and live, but it is especially contagious to our children. They develop similar attitudes and patterns of behavior as they learn from our example. We need to give serious thought to what kind of habits we are passing down to them.
To God:
It erects a barrier between us and the Lord. Anger�s most tragic consequence is broken fellowship with God. You cannot be right with Him if you are angry and unforgiving toward someone else (Matt. 5:21-24). We actually grieve His heart when we choose to cling to our hostility instead of Him.
It hinders His work and limits His blessings. The Lord has great plans for our lives, but when we hold onto animosity, we can neither hear His voice nor access His power to obey. As a result, we become unfruitful and end up missing the blessings of walking in His will.
Handling Anger
Throughout life, we all face situations that unleash this powerful emotion within us. The question is not if we will feel anger but whether we will handle it in a way that honors God. Occasionally our indignation is a fitting response to injustice or the mistreatment of others, but usually, it is rooted in self-interest. Perhaps someone insulted, rejected, or irritated us. Or maybe the reason for our agitation is a frustrating situation. Let�s face it: most of our inner turmoil is the result of not getting our own way. When people don�t cooperate with our plans or don�t appreciate our efforts, or when events don�t work out our way, we feel irritation rising within us.
Good and Bad Anger
Anger comes in two forms�righteous and unrighteous. To understand its appropriate expression, let�s examine Jesus� responses to provoking situations. He was indignant and grieved at the religious leaders� hardened hearts (Mark 3:1-5) and rebuked them soundly for leading people astray with hypocritical legalism (Matt. 23:13-33). When the merchants and money-changers turned the temple court into a �robbers� den,� He expressed passion for His Father�s house by using a whip to drive them out (Matt. 21:12-13; John 2:15).
In every situation, Christ was motivated by a passion for His Father and compassion for people. Though He Himself suffered much personal injustice throughout His earthly life, He never responded with hostility. Even in the most unfair situation in all of history�His undeserved suffering and death on a cross�Jesus responded, �Father, forgive them� (Luke 23:34).
The Lord�s example shows us what righteous indignation is: a passionate response to either a wrong committed against another person or an insult directed toward God. Unrighteous anger, on the other hand, is self-centered and expressed in destructive ways. Rage is an uncontrolled explosion that wounds everyone in its path, whereas resentment is internalized and simmers like a crock pot�when someone refuses to acknowledge or deal with such bitterness, this �low boil� spews toxic venom into the heart.
Although we are naturally prone to these inappropriate expressions of anger, we do not have to give in to them. The Lord has provided us with His strength to control our responses, so we don�t have to let them control us. By learning the right ways to deal with maddening situations, we can gain victory over ungodly attitudes, words, and actions.
Guidelines for Handling Anger
Confess your feelings to God. When antagonistic emotions engulf us, we must immediately acknowledge them to the Lord. Although many people readily recognize their own hostility, others have been in denial for so long that they are unaware of its presence.
One evening after I preached a message about resentment, a young lady walked up to me and said, �I�ve been angry all my life.� She was a believer who wanted to live a godly life, but there was something buried deep within her that kept churning away, stealing her joy and peace. Only after hearing about repressed anger was she able to identify the reason for the unrest in her soul.
While bottling fury is self-destructive, expressing it rashly can harm other people. All of us need a safe way to vent our negative feelings without injuring anybody. The only one who can handle such openness is the Lord. He already knows our ugly thoughts and emotions. Tell Him anything you want�pour out your confusion, hostility, resentment, and pain. Then ask Him to work in your heart to help you respond in a way that glorifies Him and benefits both you and others.
Identify the source. Although this sounds relatively simple, pinning down the root of anger can be a difficult process. We are masters at transferring our animosity from the original source to whoever is within dumping range. It can be as simple as yelling at the kids because of a frustrating situation at work�or as complex as a destructive behavior pattern that stems from an abusive childhood.
You may not like the idea of digging around in the dark places of your soul in order to pull out a root of bitterness. But if it remains, you will spend your life treating each symptom while the hidden cancer of resentment spreads and takes over your soul. Bitterness requires radical surgery, not a bandage.
Deal with it quickly. Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger. Otherwise, we give the Devil an opportunity to do his work in our lives�twisting our thinking with lies, suggesting justifications and excuses, stirring up hatred, inciting a desire for revenge, and planting seeds of bitterness.
Although we are told to resolve anger quickly, the extent of the offense or hurt can affect our timetable. A minor grievance can be easily forgiven, but a personal tragedy, such as the death of a child caused by a drunken driver, will take longer. In difficult situations like this, we can begin by simply acknowledging to God the need to deal with our emotions and to trust that He will help us work through the pain until we can forgive.
Do not sin in your anger. Anger itself is not a sin. In fact, the Bible often speaks of God�s wrath. Our ability to feel this emotion is simply part of being made in His image. However, because of our propensity to sin, this God-given capability is easily misused. There are two prominent ways we sin in our anger�by hanging onto it or by lashing out (Eph. 4:26, 29).
James 1:19 tells us to �be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.� In any conflict with others, we need to make understanding our goal rather than self-defense. If our focus is on proving we�re right or getting our own way, a godly response is unlikely. Be still and listen, silently asking the Lord to help you understand both the words and the motivations of the other person.
Exchange it. Believers have been given a new identify in Christ and are being transformed into His image (Eph. 4:22-24). Because bitterness, wrath, and anger no longer fit who we are, they need to be �put away� like a filthy garment (v. 31). Instead, we are to �put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience� (Col. 3:12).
Forgive the offender. Unless we release the people who have wronged us, bitterness and resentment will take root in our lives. Only by giving up our right for revenge and restitution can we begin to experience the freedom God desires for His children. As we surrender our hostile feelings to the Lord, His presence will begin to restore and heal our broken hearts.
Freedom from Anger
Tolerating an angry lifestyle is not an option for believers. We cannot expect to live in our new nature and keep our resentment. To follow in Christ�s footsteps, we need a change in priorities. Loving and understanding others must supersede our need to defend ourselves, and preserving relationships must replace safeguarding our rights.
If we�ve accepted Christ�s forgiveness of our sins, we cannot demand that others pay for their transgressions against us. To acquire His peace, we must lay all grudges, personal rights, and hurtful insults on the altar�and leave them there. Clinging to grievances keeps us imprisoned in emotional turmoil, but letting go unlocks the door and sets us free. God offers the key of forgiveness. Take hold, and walk out of the dungeon into the light.
Questions for Further Study
1.According to Ecclesiastes 7:9, where does anger reside? What kinds of trouble await those who indulge their tempers (Ps. 37:8; Prov. 19:19; 29:22)?
2.What recommendation is given in James 1:19-20? What does the anger of man not achieve?
3.Using the following verses, list the follies of rash words and the advantages of being slow to speak: Proverbs 10:19; 12:16; 15:28; 17:27-28; 18:13.
4.What are the consequences of resentment (Prov. 14:30; Heb. 12:14-15)? How can you find a buried root of bitterness in your soul? See Psalm 139:23-24 and Hebrews 4:12-13. What remedy does Psalm 32:1-5 recommend for any hidden sin?
5.How does Ephesians 4:26-32 tell us to deal with anger? What danger do we face if we hold onto our hostility? When does anger become sinful? List the qualities we are to �put away� and the ones which are to replace them.
6.Unforgiveness demands that the guilty one pays for his sin. In contrast, how did Jesus tell us to treat those who wrong us (Matt. 5:43-45)?
7.According to Romans 12:17-21, to whom does vengeance belong? Instead of becoming hostile, how are we to overcome mistreatment? Why do we have no right to withhold forgiveness (Matt. 18:21-35)?
Need to cool down?
Dr. Stanley�s newest book helps you gain freedom from anger.
Surviving in an Angry World
Hardcover | $19 (U.S.)
Copyright 2010 In Touch Ministries, Inc. All rights reserved. www.intouch.org. In Touch grants permission to print for personal use only.
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