Author	Thread: What are some reasons that a guy...
Admin	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 8 Oct, 2010 03:59 PM What are some reasons that a guy would be "undecided/open" about having children? Post Reply
View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 8 Oct, 2010 04:08 PM I can't speak for all guys who say they are undecided/open about children. But for me, I put it because I don't know if I really want to get married or have a family. I'm not sure I want to raise children in this present world, especially when I see so many people who at one time had professed to be born-again believers, but now they spit in God's face with everything they do. Or the fact that they just no longer go to church. Post Reply
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 8 Oct, 2010 04:19 PM I know this is ask a guy but on my profile I have yes I want kids but to be honest I could go either way. As a Bahamian woman you are not a woman if you do not have kids..My mom says I am "Americanized" :glow: when I tell her I could be happy without kids... Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 8 Oct, 2010 07:01 PM I talked to a guy for a few weeks whose profile said undecided/open about having kids. When I asked him exactly what that meant, he said that he supposed he'd accept up to 2 children (but no more) if his wife really wanted kids, but if it was up to him, he wouldn't have any children at all. I asked him what would happen if his wife ended up having triplets or quadruplets (or more)...he told me that that had better not happen, because he didn't want that many kids. When I pressed even further (because his answers were bothering me more than a little), he finally told me that he thought kids were an annoyance, and that they would take away from HIS time to spend doing HIS things...oh, and they might keep him from spending time with his wife, too, since she'd have to watch them even when he was home and wanting to spend time with her himself. Post Reply
View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 8 Oct, 2010 08:34 PM I honestly don't want kid, but if it i that important to my partner I would be willing to adopt. That is what maybe means to me. Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 8 Oct, 2010 09:11 PM About what bcpianogal is saying, I hope that man never reproduces!! Children aren't for everyone and that is fine if that's not what they want. But don't go saying you'd be "willing" to have children if your wife really wants them if you are just going to resent them for "getting in the way." I am glad that you pressed him further bc! Kudos to you :applause: Personally, I have undecided/open because I want kids, but I don't want to bear my own children. I DO want to adopt though. IF my husband really wants to have his own offspring, I am willing to talk about it certainly because I can understand the sentiment. But I think that these are things that need to be discussed BEFORE marriage so that both people are on the same page and no one has to make any compromises on such a big issue. If you're not in agreeance and you're not both comfortable with how the other feels on issues like children, then it is wise to find this out beforehand and find someone else for a spouse. Otherwise you're setting yourselves up for some big fights down the road. If I didn't want children, I wouldn't even consider it, but I do. For me, it's the HOW. But honestly, I think that whoever I find and decide to marry will also want to adopt because it's important to me. But no one ever said you can't do both :) Post Reply
View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 9 Oct, 2010 02:19 AM Thanks for the responses thus far =) I had that for awhile on my profile because I'm not sure that kids are going to actually happen for me. I know I'm fertile, but I don't know that I'll ever be able to actually carry a baby to term and I know that adoption can be really expensive... And so I felt like I might be misrepresenting myself by putting that I wanted kids... I was afraid that I would meet someone who also wanted kids who would then maybe not love me as much if the kid thing didn't work out. But, then I realized that there aren't any guarantees in that area anyway, so changed it to "want kids" because I do want kids. It's just another one of those things that I'll need to be open about before marriage with a guy and make sure that he'd be okay with not having kids. To that extent, I almost prefer it when I see a guy who has "open/undecided." But then, I do worry about what BC said... I do know that some guys put that because they don't want kids but are afraid of women passing them buy if they actually admit to that. So, they say that they're open to having children even if they're really not. Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 9 Oct, 2010 04:41 AM Well, I dunno about most guys, but I think that how I feel is probably common. I'd really rather not have children, but I am open to God changing my mind on the matter. If I was married to a woman and she had triplets, well, what could I do? That's God's will and I'll just have to submit and trust that the talents and abilities He's growing in me will not be crushed by whatever other gifts (children) that He brings. Here are even more personal thoughts that I don't expect to be common. For years I made it a point to state "does not want children", but I was using that as an idol. I thought, "I can't have children and be faithful to my artistic calling." Yet, I'm not superproductive now. I also had other reasons, but in the end, we all have to be faithful to God. I trust that God will not be cruel to me. If I have no children, that's fine. If I do have children, I will lean upon Him in His infinite grace. To be honest and fair, I'm probably not the kind of guy that would be well suited to being a father, but I do admit that up front and don't try to hide it. Post Reply
View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 9 Oct, 2010 06:45 AM I feel the same way as SilverFire, I just don't think that I could be a good father. Unless, I was to get married and adopt a teenager; I think I do better with that group then with very young children. Post Reply
View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 9 Oct, 2010 08:49 AM Do triplets even really happen naturally? I mean, I know they could, but it seems like every case of 3+ multiples is one in which the mother has taken fertility drugs to hyperstimulate ovulation. Granted, I ovulate from each side sometimes... So, if each of those eggs got fertilized and then one of them split, there would be triplets. But my body would probably just poison them off =( My fertility should have been given to a woman whose body doesn't poison babies. Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	What are some reasons that a guy... Posted : 9 Oct, 2010 10:36 AM Yes, triplets happen naturally. Not commonly, but it can happen. I don't remember who, but someone back a generation or two in my family had triplets naturally. Want to know something REALLY insane? This lady, without the use of any drugs at all, just completely naturally, had quadruplets! To compound the difficulty, they were IDENTICAL quadruplets, hahaha. She ovulated one egg, it was fertilized, then split in two, then each of those two split in two. And voila! Four identical boys. Surprise! hahaha. She said one of the biggest challenges was that, with there being 4 of them, they had this complete language (which twins do too, but yeah, quadruplets man) of their own and they would all be talking so fast and at the same time that she would get super confused. Oh my goodness, hilarious. Well, maybe not for her, hahaha. But she seemed like she felt really blessed, so that's good :) To clarify, I do not know this lady personally. My health teacher in high school recorded a video of the lady on one of those 20/20 special things and showed it to us. Post Reply

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