Thread: do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
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do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
Posted : 14 Jul, 2010 12:11 PM
so my ex boyfriend ( who has had 2 marriages, both of them ending in divorce ..and 2 kids..and is 11 yrs older than me )
doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore
thinks: why should people get married?
he said women don't want physical intimacy like men do, when men get it, after a certain number of years they will get bored anyhow , most men are apt to be tempted by prn sites and 50 % of marriages end in divorce.
without complicating the issue : him and i , we dated for almost a year, he loved me ( loves me still )
he asked me to marry him over and over , dozens and dozens of times, i said..we haven't know each other even half a year...and i kept saying..let's take it day by day..he had come to the lord and so was a very newbie christian,..... finally , one day, ( 2 months ago ) calls me up and says...he doesn;t want to get married, if we did he would dissapoint me anyway, i deserve someone a lot better..and we can't have sex until marriage and he doesn;'t want to get married for the above reason stated about dissapointing me..when we were dating, he never looked at prn or cheated, but now that we are just best friends, he want back to prn and wants to go back to sleeping with women he doesn't know or care about...very sad and shallow..he doesn't want a girlfriend ever again or a relationship..but he desperatly wants our best friendship
either way, he waxes on and on about how marriage is laughable anyway
this makes me feel so depressed about marriage
i keep telling myself it is becuase of sin that marriages can blow..that if each person has jesus, then it will work
what are your guys thoughts on those beggining questions?
wow, i have never posted a bulletin ever this long.lol
do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
Posted : 14 Jul, 2010 01:35 PM
A lot of us guys, when we first get into the game, start out as average frustrated chumps and sometimes it's hard having to live up to all the conditions women have before they'll even give you the time of day let alone love you. Some guys grow, make the changes inside and actually make the cut, others just cut corners to make you feel a certain way so it looks like they are what you want, but in reality there was no change on the inside and they're still average frustrated chumps full of resentment who then once they get that love they don't know what to do with it and make a big mess. There are good guys out there so don't waste anymore time with this one who isn't.
do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
Posted : 14 Jul, 2010 01:44 PM
CHRISTIAN COUPLES THAT PRAY TOGETHER HAVE THE BEST RECORD STAYING MARRIED.:prayingm::prayingf:
Everyone is different and so just see him as an individual and not as an everyman.
I can only guess since I don't know him, so I'll have to generalize. Both sexes have little tricks that they use. He may be using the one that breaks a woman down until she gives up her moral values and has sex and moves in with the guy. Some guys will then say, "Why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free?"
Not every guy likes porn.
Use prayer to tell God what you are looking for. Make a list. Pray about your list each day. Make changes as you feel led. If you just ask God for a man, the world is loaded with them.
do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
Posted : 17 Jul, 2010 01:03 AM
(sorry this is long. I felt it really needed a treatment from a little different perspective.)
Though I do understand that this man has experienced a very grim reality in the earthly estate of marriage, I also find it deeply saddening that one who would profess Christ as his Savior could find that estate "laughable."
Marriage was instituted by God, blessed by him, and given for the benefit of men and women alike. Yes it serves a purpose in raising children, but it is so much more. It provides a companion, a helpmate, someone to know, and someone to be known in as you see yourself reflected in another. As a lifelong commitment it teaches selfless service and the extent to which love must be committed if it is truly to be love. Proper use of sex as an expression of love and commitment fully embodies those lessons. It is not self-serving such that our (sexual) desires shape our marriage but a complete self-giving which allows our marriage to shape our desires (for the other person). It fulfills needs of the man and the woman.
Unfortunately, there is always one who does not want our marriage to succeed and that is Satan. He'll do anything within his power to tear it apart and the effects are manifested in our sinful desires and actions. The man seeks to meet his own needs and forgets that he is to give of himself for the needs of his wife even as Christ did for His Church. The woman fails to support her husband and rejects all he gives rather than reciprocate even as we are compelled to respond to all Christ has done for us. That sort of relationship easily crumbles. Sex is made not into a powerful form of communication and relationship but a mere appetite to be satiated.
It's at that point that the topic of sex, infidelity, porn, are not fully explained. Sex is powerful in a very physical sense. Not only can the "drive" be strong, but the act releases a flood of dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and oxytocin affecting centers of memory, pleasure, reward, and value. In the right context it strengthens the marital bond as God intended. Used wrongly it can truly become a snare and an addiction in the *exact* same way drugs and alcohol can. Once becomes a string of infidelity or an online addiction.
The term most often applied by onlookers is "perversion". And it is�it's a perversion of one of the most sacred gifts God has given us. Thank the Devil for that. I've seen far too many relationships (christian and non) demolished by it, which perhaps is why I'm putting in the effort here. But I've also seen guys who are just as torn up within, guilt-ridden, and remorseful�not at all proud of what they have done or the image it places on men and women. It's an attitude of repentance and change they can't express or others won't acknowledge. They're guys who need to hear a message of gospel, forgiveness, and healing. And it can be healed. It may take months or years but it can be healed and relationships can be restored. Sin is awful. It's ugly. But the blood of Christ covers all.
Darksong, in no way would I impose all of that on your specific circumstances, though maybe some of it (shared lovingly) would be helpful for your friend in understanding why marriage is good and how things may go wrong. No, not all men fall victim to sexual temptations, and of those who do, not all are proud of it.
To all, thanks for wading through. I hope it was useful in some respect. No, I don't claim any measure of expertise. I've not even been married yet. :-/ These are just my observations from life and the Word. God Bless.
do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
Posted : 17 Jul, 2010 09:12 AM
"It's an attitude of repentance and change they can't express or others won't acknowledge. They're guys who need to hear a message of gospel, forgiveness, and healing. " = Hammer on the head of the nail.
do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
Posted : 3 Aug, 2010 10:22 AM
Interesting how our thoughts, wants and needs take precedence when God's word interferes with what we "want". Out opinions and life experiences do not change God's laws. Marriage was instituted for a reason and we that profess to be Christians, whether newbies or seasoned, are still subject to His laws. Want to live the world's way, you get the world's results.... Do what you know is right and pray for those that your Spirit guides.
do all guys /get bored/lk at " p. sites"/cheat ?? ( INPUT APPRECIATED! )
Posted : 14 Dec, 2010 01:14 PM
Huh, sounds like your ex is seeing what he is.
Most Christians come at this type of stuff all wrong.
The answer isn't to try and act different from how you see;
and the answer isn't to just adapt to the whims of the regressive nature of the flesh.
The answer is to practice I Thes 5:18.
Then one is set-up to learn in life;
rather than going through life resentful with silly cynical conclusions about life that just reveal the bitterness of one's soul; and general irresponsibility:
Things don't just happen to us. People aren't "just this/that way"
People react/respond to each other. It takes two tango... etc.
Back to the surface issue:
Porn and cheating isn't the issue.
Perception is the issue.
When you are different you see different; and then your desires are different; and then you just do differently.
Otherwise one is just a hypocrite ("one who plays a part")
Remember what Christ said: if you lust in your heart it's the same thing. It's the desire that is the problem.
