At one point in my life a couple years ago I took up boxing. I made it through all the conditioning pretty well then when the time came to begin sparing I got my bell rung 3 days in a row. After the 3rd time I decided "Forget it." And never went back. A week or two later the coach was at my office picking up something and mentioned briefly that it was too bad I quit. And I agree. The point being that I could've trained harder on my technique and master how to fight instead of settling for where I was at and not leave without getting what I came for.
Rejection feels kinda the same. It hurts and it makes you feel demotivated. But it doesn't have to because they're just feelings that get hurt and it won't leave your nose crooked with blood dripping out. And at some point you stop caring and they stop hurting. What holds a lot of us guys back is the fear of rejection. But what if you weren't afraid of getting rejected? You'd be more feel better about yourself for one and secondly may even be a little more successful. Not a but a little because it really is 100% a numbers game. If you go to the poker table you don't expect to win every time do you? There are adjustments people make to get more successful at the game, but nobody wins every time. That's the kind of game this is. If a poker player quit after losing enough times because it made them feel bad that would be absurd right? They don't and it doesn't hurt their feelings because they know it is a numbers game, and know that sometimes it's just not their number.
However, unlike poker players we have an unlimited amount of tries. The only thing that inhibits us to try is us and our fear based on the perception of hurt from suffering. So with that in mind I say go all out. Get rejected. Expect to get rejected. Want to get rejected. Say whatever you want. Be a jerk. Be nice. Be stupid. Be random. Say something that doesn't even make sense. Who cares? It's just as good as anything else. Most likely they don't care about what you think anyway, so why should you care about what they think? Especially if they don't know you and don't want to know you. The point of all this is to lose the self-conciousness and fear that causes you to stop trying and even to some degree causes you to get rejected in the first place. And to start doing things because it's what you like to do and makes you feel good about yourself. Being happy is more important than having a girlfriend and is the starting point for getting one anyway. Women follow happiness, not the other way around and if rejection doesn't make you happy, then you're invinceable. At least on that front anyway (but it's a pretty big and important front nonetheless).
Quote: "However, unlike poker players we have an unlimited amount of tries."
Personally, I do not believe this at all. Carefree trying forever? Which girl would seriously feel "honoured" by such a "shot in the dark"? Sounds somewhat like: Lets try them all, one will respond and I will have a look if I care about her then.
I feel like God will not bless such a technique at all. Since the bible tells us how many women a man should have. Not two, one.
Instance: My flat mate, a cool nice christian guy, but somewhat a collector of Rejections, sadly and somehow, always tells me: This time I ve got the right one. He goes for her - and gets rejected. It is sad, but he asked really many girls in our circle of ackquaintancies and from our churches around here. Every time he tells them: You are the right one. 2 months later he again tells another girl the same thing. He cares. But MAN! Even I do not believe this guy any longer when he tells me that he is sure. He is always sure... or what?
I think he was never ever sure at all. And he tries and tries and tries... Gets rejections one after another...
So. I do not agree with you Brandon, because I believe that you should invest a whole lot, that you should be really serious about this. Cherish your credibility! Be aware of emotional inflation!
This is not a game (I know you did not say that, but you at least compared courting with Poker...). You do not have countless tries. If you dont get hurt, it becomes a game, big fun trying to allure some girl's hearts?
This is what we see in the movies, sure: Flirting, trying, dropping, next.
Maybe I got you wrong, Brandon. Maybe you didnt want to say that we should not get hurt by rejection. Did you maybe mean: Embrace the pain?
I was rejected - and it hurt. Especially it was because of a job. We knew each other for quite some time already and spent some time. She told me that she felt more than friendship too - and that she nevertheless decided to move to that other city because of that job. And that she would not even consider a long-distance relationship because she just would not believe it could work.
But this hurt - heartsickness and all - made me feel alive. I hit rock bottom, because I was into it full throttle, but so what? It was real.
I do not believe that it is always exposure to ask a girl. You handle her the big lever, able to squeeze your heart. And it gets really bruised if she rejects you. And every bruise leaves a trace.
And I am uncomfortable with that issue, that we can try and try - without consequences for our heart. Emotions are real. And whereever a force operates, there is wear. And when the heart is not involved, why bother? Why should she bother?
"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.", Salomon said, and he was a pretty wise one. (Prov 4,23 KJV)
Maybe it is just necessary to take one step after the other, without hurrying ahead of the girl you are interested in. Sure, you can be a daredevil and fall in love without even knowing if she would be interested in you at all...
Maybe we should let it breathe at all times, maybe it is just wise to really keep it all slow so that noone gets out of breath. Falling in love with a person, not with the image or dream we have of a person.
I want to talk about this, but am not quite sure where you think the problem lies in all this. What is it you take issue with most on this Elimelech? Could you be more specific?
