22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.
yes we are to submit unto eachother, but the man IS THE HEAD, PERIOD. where does it say Women are the head. NOWHERE, THAT'S WHERE! BUT, the husband must love the wife to the extent that he would die for her -- as Christ died for the church.
My wife and I fought a lot, and get this, We have restraining orders on EACHOTHER. I will admit I got mad and argued with my wife A LOT, and even man handled her a little, because my wife wouldn't let me be the head, and kept bring around druggies, and drug dealers that were part of her friends and family. So the police eventually arrested me for a night, not because I beat my wife, but because they were afraid I would, and I wouldn't leave the house, basically telling them to forget it.
I miss my ex and live with pain everyday. I could go on without her, really, but I have been doing some research and I was only getting half the message. Perhaps I was being a coward in certain situations with drug dealers that were praying off my wife. So here is my question, should I violate my restraining order, in a peaceful way, and go to jail, to prove to God, not her, that I would give my life for her? Or am I being stupid? Should she have been strong enough to get rid of those druggies, and drug dealers, OR should I have beat the snott out of a couple of them with a baseball bat or something, and risked starting a war with them, and or going to jail myself? Do you think me putting the emphasis on my wife to do it was an insult to God, so he took her away, and now the only way to get my marriage back is to go in through and beyond, and go to jail to prove to God that I would give my life for her, or am I reading too deeply, and my wife should have been strong enough to get rid of them herself to rephrase the question?
I have posed this question to a coworker, and she said that it wasn't my fault because I told her before our marriage that she had to get rid of those people, and that it was a no win situation for me because I would have risked getting shot by drug dealers, or going to jail, and my wife would have just continued to do the same thing anyway.
"yes we are to submit unto eachother, but the man IS THE HEAD, PERIOD. where does it say Women are the head. NOWHERE, THAT'S WHERE! BUT, the husband must love the wife to the extent that he would die for her -- as Christ died for the church."
ME: Those are the bones, but where is the meat? I see the tree but where are the Fruits of your headship?
"I will admit I got mad and argued with my wife A LOT, and even man handled her a little, because my wife wouldn't let me be the head, and kept bring around druggies, and drug dealers that were part of her friends and family."
ME: You cannot force someone to submit to you! Again, where are the fruits?
"So the police eventually arrested me for a night, not because I beat my wife, but because they were afraid I would, and I wouldn't leave the house, basically telling them to forget it."
ME: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son..." That is meat, that is fruit of headship.
"I miss my ex and live with pain everyday. I could go on without her, really, but I have been doing some research and I was only getting half the message. Perhaps I was being a coward in certain situations with drug dealers that were praying off my wife."
ME: Where is GOD in all of this? Christ is the head of the home, if the head of the marriage does not allow Christ to be the head of the home; "how can a house divided against itself stand?"
"So here is my question, should I violate my restraining order, in a peaceful way, and go to jail, to prove to God, not her, that I would give my life for her?"
ME: That is what would happen in a movie...
"Or am I being stupid?"
ME: No comment.
"Should she have been strong enough to get rid of those druggies, and drug dealers, OR should I have beat the snott out of a couple of them with a baseball bat or something, and risked starting a war with them, and or going to jail myself?"
ME: "In our weakness he is strong" I do not see Christ anywhere in this equation, So my suggestion would not work. But I will say it anyway. Surrender to the head of the home, Christ. Give him room to work. "It's not by might, not by power, but by thy spirit said The Lord"
"Do you think me putting the emphasis on my wife to do it was an insult to God, so he took her away, and now the only way to get my marriage back is to go in through and beyond, and go to jail to prove to God that I would give my life for her, or am I reading too deeply, and my wife should have been strong enough to get rid of them herself to rephrase the question?"
ME: More movies again...
"she said that it wasn't my fault because I told her before our marriage that she had to get rid of those people, and that it was a no win situation for me because I would have risked getting shot by drug dealers, or going to jail, and my wife would have just continued to do the same thing anyway."
ME: Sounds like you are looking for absolution through and through. The Drug dealers and your ex's character were supposed to be guides in picking her for the marriage. She was right however, it was a no win situation! Still is, only The Lord can change a heart and he does that by "replacing our heart of stone with a heart of Flesh"...
Whatcha think?
So... You knew about these drug dealers in her life and married her anyway?
You knew her well enough to know she would not get rid of these "friends and family" and you married her anyway?
You did all of this based on the principle that the man is the head of the home?
Do you know what being the head of a home entails?
Now... You want to prove to God you were the head by violating your restraining order and going to jail?
"SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD"... PLEASE STOP THE "ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THEM THAT LOVE THE LORD" MENTALITY. That only applies to those who love him enough to seek first his kingdom! It is evident in the HIGH divorce rate as among other things.
I didn't know the full extent of it, no...why do you assume that?
I had faith that God could overcome any problems, even min. based on your answer, if anyone has any problems then you shouldn't marrie them, and sinse everyone has some problem, I don't care who they are, EXCEPT JESUS of course, then no one should marrie until everyone is absolutely perfect, and never sins again period, never makes a mistake period. so who would get married then? Let him without sin throw the first stone. same applies by your logic..Let him without sin get married...aint ever going to happen.
about a few months into the marriage, I began to understand the full extent of it, but tried to hang in their instead of leaver her, and have faith.
If someones problem isn't apparent, then they are probably guilty of pride cause everyone has some problem, some mote in their eye.
"I didn't know the full extent of it, no...why do you assume that?"
ME: Granted
"I had faith that God could overcome any problems, even min."
ME: What does that mean?
"based on your answer, if anyone has any problems then you shouldn't marrie them,"
ME: Of course not, no one will ever be perfect. The forums offer enlightenment, answers even another point of view. I addressed some core aspects of your post in my opinion. I don't expect to be right in what i said, but that is what i saw and if you are indeed looking for "watcha think" then prepare to hear it.
"and sinse everyone has some problem, I don't care who they are, EXCEPT JESUS of course, then no one should marrie until everyone is absolutely perfect, and never sins again period, never makes a mistake period."
ME: That is your logic not mine. I was not building an argument, I was adressing some core points of your post in my opinion.
"so who would get married then?"
The Bible: "He who burns"
"Let him without sin throw the first stone."
ME: Again, I was adressing what you posted.
"same applies by your logic..Let him without sin get married...aint ever going to happen."
ME: ...are you trying to be clever?
"about a few months into the marriage, I began to understand the full extent of it, but tried to hang in their instead of leaver her, and have faith."
ME: *faceplant* seek ye firs.. aah never mind.
"If someones problem isn't apparent, then they are probably guilty of pride cause everyone has some problem, some mote in their eye."
ME: What does that have to do with your post?
James 4:3 (King James Version) "Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts." Why did you come to the forum and make that post? Surely I was not the one who wrote it for you. If you want cousel from people who's ambition is to live rightly with God then you are in the right place. None of us will be 100% right or even close, what counts is when you go out on a limb, you go on your own two feet not looking for company but resolved to accept/deal with/wrestle with what you may encounter.
You seem to be asking two things..... I think. I'll address your questions at the end.
Being a man, you want to DO something. Beating people is, ah, not what Jesus would do. But I understand how you want to FIX it, and how you feel it is your responsibility to do that.
But everyone makes their own choices. If you beat those people and they ran away..... perhaps your wife would have chosen others. Just as bad, or worse. It is her choice. You can't keep *fixing* it for her. You can pray, and pray, and love her, and ask for help. But in the end, it will always be her choice.
The only thing you can control are your actions. Show love. Demonstrate a praying attitude. Bring others in to help you show love and pray and pray and pray and don't stop praying.
I know what your going through it tough, but I have to assume that your ex is not a Christian...if that is the case and she wishes to leave you...Paul tells we are to let them leave. That by staying we could be putting ourself in spiritual danger. I think he might have a point. I mean...you have already expressed some of your anger towards her "friends". I think,from what I've heard, that your relationship with her (because of the people she hangs around with) is not healthy for you. It may be hard but perhaps you should by some distant means let her know how you feel but then you should try your hardest to move on. If she comes to her senses and wants you to come back...be cautious but hopefully she will have seen the error in her ways. Hope for the best brother!!
Holy survivor, I feel the hurt in your words and you are expressing your hurt through anger. Anger at the unsavory characters your wife is involved with and anger with your wife.
I have to believe that you were either both non-Christians or baby Christians when you chose to marry. What type of pre-marital couseling did your pastor give the two of you before you wed? Did you express in those sessions your concerns about her friends and family and their unhealthy lifestyle and its influence over your future bride? How did he advise you to proceed with the wedding after you voiced those concerns? Did he ever discuss with the two of you that you were possibly unequally yoked?
After all those topics were brought out into the open, you still chose to marry her. I think you might have been under the misconception that you could change her and that almost never works. You can only control and work on yourself.
You can continue to pray, pray and pray over your wife because if you love her as you say you do you want her soul's salvation to be assured but you must begin living your life under the headship of Christ. It would be wrong in my opinion for you to break the law and go to jail to try to prove something to someone who is not ready to see it as a sacrifice you are making for her. Two wrongs would not make things right.
If she wants a divorce then you should not oppose it but if you still love and are still in love with her you should not cast her aside. You need to continue to grow in your faith and leave this prayerfully at the feet of Christ.
I am so sorry that you are hurting and I pray that God heals your wounds. Christ love to you brother, Dani
You listed Eph. 5:22-24. I would like to back one and offer this, "21: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
We as men have been given specific instructions in this passage (there are others however, I am intentionally limiting my scope). When we pray on these, we have to consider the full context of the teaching. To only focus on 22-24, limits one and in many ways, lends itself to some of the challenges that you and your ex encountered. So, step back and look to self and less about the "flaws" of your mate.
Further in Ephesians, we are given this, "28 - In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 - After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church."
So we must take the full lesson and not just the parts the fit our vision. Life is not about just our vision but rather, in fulfilling God's vision for our lives.
Finally, and herein lies the key. "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies" now ask, what is, love? When you can live that answer, your entire world changes. But we don't even need to wrestle for the answer.
I Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
And with this, when place our actions against this standard....
