Author	Thread: Practical applications of dating principles?
Tulip89 View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 04:42 PM I'm interested to see how other guys feel about this, but I feel like growing up, I was taught solid principles of biblical masculinity. Robert Lewis sums it up well, saying men should lead courageously, reject passivity, accept responsibility, and seek the greater reward. Since a woman of God is going to be drawn to a strong man of God, it makes sense that displaying those characteristics would be the best way to attract women. Where I feel the church fell behind was in teaching me what any of that really meant and how to successfully apply it. Just like reading scripture, if you can't interpret and apply the principles of biblical masculinity well, knowing them in your head doesn't do you much good. I spent years convinced that being a super nice guy would pay off in the end, not realizing that I was being incredibly passive and trying to manipulate women into liking me by being as nice as I was. Was it anyone from my church or campus ministry that taught me differently? No. It was non-Christian guys who basically told me, "This is how you behave like a guy who women really want." I had to modify some of it to fit Christian dating, but everything I heard from them was way more usable than what I have ever been taught in the Church. You would think it was all skeezy stuff to trick girls into hopping in bed with them, but really it turned out to be a lot of stuff about inner confidence and not seeking the approval of others. Am I the only one who didn't get much useful instruction from the Church or my parents, or is this a more widespread problem? Post Reply
View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 05:05 PM I too had this problem when I was young. marriage helped me overcome it.Now I am more bolder with women. It has helped me form better friendships.Dennis Post Reply
View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 05:20 PM Nope you're not the only one. I don't know if they thinks it too big of a can of worms or what, but i think it's an epic failure on their part when their only advice is 'don't have sex before marriage'. And if that means being incompitent and harmless in having functionable interactions with women, then mission accomplished... right? This would only make sense if 1) we weren't interested in women and 2) there weren't any other sources of education on this topic. The only word to describe this is negligent. Post Reply
View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 05:24 PM i take that back. Dumbfounding would also be a good word. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 05:39 PM I think most of the problem is that many older men in the church are just as clueless as we are. I have also gotten the sense that the Church seems to believe that if a guy isn't clueless around women, he isn't trusting God to bring him a wife. I would argue that part of being brought up as a Christian man is learning how to make a woman's heart go pitter-patter and her knees go weak. It's one thing to complain about a problem, and it's another to actually provide a solution though. As men we need to take what we learn and not only teach our future (or current) sons, but also set a strong example ourselves. Also, I keep saying I'm gonna do it, but eventually I'm going to write a book called something like, "She Doesn't Want to Marry a Puppy: Practical Dating Advice for the Christian Man" Post Reply
View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 06:44 PM allow me to interject *clears throat*: imo, life is about realizing what, you've known all along. the role of the church is to personify the body of Christ, while it's life blood is the holy spirit. do you believe that you would have "learned' what you now know by being "taugh" via human means and methods? the way i see it, the holy spirit is not lazy, he knows exactly when to do what and what revelations to give whom. that said, no, the church did not teach me much of anything, the holy spirit did and continues to... i've been thinking about writting a book also but...lol idk, i want to write with the holy spirit so that my writting are not regurgitation and orders from my perspective but an experience that would enrich my life while writting as well as the future reader's :glow: so far, i write short poem like things, their not poems to me but "through the miracle of time" maybe a book would accumulate. good luck with your writting. Post Reply
View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 07:17 PM I get what you are saying, Tulip. If Christians can learn that stuff from non-Christians -- in the world -- then the church is missing out on not teaching it. In a safe Christian environment, lead by a Christian who will teach using biblical principals, praying and being led by the Holy Spirit --- who wouldn't want that kind of teaching?? In anything - I can think of lots of things the church either shys away from or just doesn't talk about. Being led by the Spirit should be a daily thing in our walk and our life. But people learn different ways, and not everyone is tuned into the Spirit as well as others. We all need help and to be shown the way sometimes. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 20 May, 2010 09:53 PM Thanks for the encouragement Nyanda. My closest female friend and I have talked several times about how we should write a book that includes not only stuff I've learned, but stuff she wishes Christian guys knew when they pursued her. I'm sure I'd get more "Christian street cred" if I waited until I was married to write it, but unmarried Christians have important things to say as well. Godslamb, my brothers like to call me the family crash test dummy because since I'm the oldest, I've had to experience everything first, and I usually just run headlong into whatever is coming. I learn a lot of valuable lessons from it that I can then not only apply to my life, but also teach to my brothers. That way they can learn from my mistakes. Writing some sort of book would really be about getting things on paper that I try to teach them. Post Reply
IFBJack View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 21 May, 2010 07:11 AM I think the Bible emphasises the importance of both genders submitting to Gods will. One of the problems with a lot of our churchs is we've allowed how the world thinks to come into our churchs, when what we should be doing is taking the church out into the world. You start messing with traditional teaching and we become spiritually weak. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 21 May, 2010 09:42 AM So raising young men in the church who aren't passive, who really know how to lead and take initiative, and who aren't constantly depressed makes us spiritually weak? Post Reply
vkjewell View Profile History	Practical applications of dating principles? Posted : 21 May, 2010 12:42 PM Great idea, that book! Since you are young enough, why not work hard to collect lots of input from Christian husbands and wives, especially those you respect and admire. You are the age of my youngest daughter; and I hope someday she not only is saved for eternity but that God grants her the wisdom to be drawn to a man your age who seeks first the purposes and plans of God and who has learned the value of prioritizing his life Biblically. One whose prayer life is full and joyful and who worships with abandon. One who is teachable and hungry for the Word of God. This is something you can only learn over weeks and months of acquaintance; and I wish someone had told ME years ago that you don't really know who a man is until you've heard what he has to say in his unguarded moments and watched what he really does with his time and his money after the first flush of romance has passesd. Any woman worth having for a lifetime is only concerned with a man who is concerned with what Jesus thinks of him. Hope this is helpful input from a mom who learned all of this the hard way. God's best for your future young man! Post Reply

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