Author	Thread: Pursue or be pursued?
Kat356 View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 20 May, 2010 04:28 PM I've always felt that if a guy is into me he'll pursue me. But after reading a few topics and posts I'm getting mixed signals. So which is it guys? Are there any out there who still make the first move? What do you prefer? A wink? Email? Post Reply
IFBJack View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 20 May, 2010 04:39 PM I think both is good and I don't know anyone who would argue with that. Perhaps there are some girls who are more comfortable being persued than to persue, that's fine too. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 20 May, 2010 04:51 PM I think winks are incredibly passive, and you should just go ahead and send a message. Part of the problem comes with different interpretations of what it means to pursue. The way I look at it, a girl who sends me a message is not pursuing a guy, but just starting a conversation. If you see a guy you're interested in, go ahead and send him a message. Ask a few questions, maybe make a joke or two (laughter is always good), etc. and just let him take the reins from there. Guys still message girls, but there's no reason either can't start the conversation. Post Reply
View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 20 May, 2010 05:54 PM I've just had too many one sided conversations where the only thing she was interested in was being pursued without having to do anything. I used to think it was because of something I was doing wrong until a friend opened my eyes and told me women's emotional selfishness is only rivaled by men's physical selfishness, or vice versa. I have no problem with doing all the pursuing stuff, just not endlessly for shallow, immature, insecure women. Not saying that's what all women are like on here, or that I'm perfect, but in my experience on here though there've only been less than a few that I could actually have a conversation where I wasn't the only one trying to keep it going. Post Reply
View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 20 May, 2010 07:37 PM Being that its a free site, winks are basically useless since we can send emails free. I reply to winks, but the girls are not interested. lol So I really do not know why they are winking. I think they look at photo and wink, but don't even read the profile. So if you want someone's attention, send them an email that actually shows you read their profile. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 21 May, 2010 06:40 AM In response to Brandon's post about girls wanting to be pursued and expecting to do nothing themselves, I'm afraid that may be true much of the time. I don't think that's right. Another scenario that I've seen more often, though, with my friends, is that the girl wants to be pursued, but she never allows herself to be caught. She is always working hard to stay just barely out of reach. She leads the interested guy on, she plays hard to get, and then feels hurt when he finally gives up the chase. I don't think that's right either. I like to be pursued. I like to feel that I'm worth something to the guy...worth enough to him so that he will work to get me. But it goes both ways. Both of us would need to contribute, even if the guy does most of the pursuing. Post Reply
Kat356 View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 21 May, 2010 08:02 AM That's too bad Brandon. I understand your point of view and see where you are coming from. I agree that it has to go both ways. And yes women can be emotionally selfish if they don't know who they are in Christ. Once you know His love, personally, not just head knowledge but to actually experience Him, the "need" for someone else to fill that ceases. Give and we shall receive, sow and we shall reap...seek first HIS kingdom and righteousness...it's never about us and our needs...it's only when we meet the needs of others that ours are met. All Glory to God! Brandon, I thank you for your service. Father God, I come to you in the name of Jesus, and I ask you to protect Brandon and his company, give him your wisdom in all situations, words of widsom and knowledge, and the spirit of discernment and anticipation. Keep him Father God in your Love, for perfect love casts out all fear...you have not given Brandon a spirit of fear but of power and a sound mind. Lord I ask you to send your angels to encamp around him and Holy Spirit lead and guide him into all truth. Father, comfort his family and give them your peace which passes all understanding. Send laborers to them Lord to encourage and strengthen them and I thank you for the laborers you've sent to Brandon as well. In the mighty name of Jesus, Amen - so be it!!!! Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 21 May, 2010 10:24 AM Stuff like what Brandon and Pianogal mentioned doesn't stop at marriage either. I heard a story last night about a man who won some husband of the year contest. He did everything for his wife, including putting toothpaste on her toothbrush before she got into the bathroom in the morning and at night. When the newspaper interviewed the guy, they asked him what the most romantic thing she'd ever done for him was. Do you know what his answer was? She once cooked him his favorite meal, meatloaf and potatoes, two years earlier. She hadn't so much as made him his favorite meal in TWO YEARS! Pursuit means being intentional about the direction we lead the relationship. It does not mean that we have to do absolutely everything for some girl we're interested in while she does nothing. Just like a conversation, there has to be a give and take. We pursue, but the girl has to actively be earning her pursuit. It's not just about fairness though. Everyone likes a challenge, girls included. If your relationship looks more like two dogs chasing each other than a cheetah running down a gazelle, both parties are going to find it much more fulfilling. Post Reply
Prvbs31lady View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 21 May, 2010 03:48 PM Hello LoonyK and all, Thank you, for sharing your thoughts and comments. I'm relatively new to this online dating experience. However, I enjoy winks, for me I use them as a subtle flirt of "Hi". Further, it is an easy way of testing the interest level. It is an available tool. Why not use it? After becoming involved with the site the fact that the site is free seems irrelevant. Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 21 May, 2010 10:20 PM Kat.. thanks for posting. Tulip, Brandon and BCP... great input! Enlightening, and bcp... I relate to what you've said from a womans' point of view... Post Reply
View Profile History	Pursue or be pursued? Posted : 22 May, 2010 07:51 AM Dear Kat, thank you. I appreciate that. :glow: Post Reply

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