Author	Thread: enlighten me please...
Admin	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 03:43 PM What is a guy's definition of friendship? I meet guys on line who say in their profile they want to start a friendship and see how that goes. Then on their second e-mail they are already calling me sweetie, honey, and baby. My friends don't refer to me that way so why do they think it's okay. They also don't engage in any thing that comes close to a conversation. They have a list of questions they want me to answer and I feel like I am on a job interview not getting to know someone. Clue me in on what a guy thinks a friendship should be? Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 04:43 PM I think alot of times we mistake the word friendship or starting a conversation with interest or a chance to get her interested. But when she isn't really saying much or asking questions about him we think for some reason she was interested, now she's not, and we go into mr. fix it mode. Sounds like they're trying too hard to get to know you too fast. I think alot of the reasons where we go wrong and why we fall apart on here when talking to a girl is because we think if a woman isn't interested in us that makes us less of a man cuz where not _________ enough. Or they're trying to convince themselves they're not interested in you when they really are and their solution is to attempt to bury those feelings alive only to have them errupt. Alot of confusion happens when both sides have different levels of interest. Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 04:49 PM would also like to 'edit' this one line: '...and go into mr. fix it mode and do a whole bunch of talking instead of listening, responding, and taking it slow.' Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 05:02 PM @ the females: What's your definition of a friendship? Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 05:23 PM As you pointed out, I feel that a lot of guys are putting quite a bit of pressure on each woman they meet being "the one" so after they have made initial contact they are all gung ho on trying to convince her of that fact. Friendship to me is the process of discovering common ground, common interests and common viewpoints. Then once you have established that you think a like in a few ways you learn to speak on deeper topics. You start to share revelations and insights of your experiences in life and how God has changed or molded your thinking to His way of thinking. It is the development of a feeling of communion that says i want to know your opinion on _______ even if it is different than mine. That is one of the ways we grow and stretch the faith muscle, the brain muscle and the heart muscle. PS - you have shared more insight with me in these few exchanges than ALL the men I have met on-line in the past six months. Thx for opening your heart! Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 05:35 PM Yeah. I don't think we realize how much pressure we put on ya'll cuz we're so busy putting pressure on ourselves. What you describe is what i look for too. It's really all i look for, just good conversation. Still confused as to why it's so elusive, if the girl is super shy, not interested, not interesting, etc. Now I try to just stay in "whatever, dude" mode and if at some point they open up then cool and if not then oh well. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 06:58 PM Well in general my opinion of guys is that we are idiots. I very quickly found out that what I do and what a lot of guys do on here are very different. I think a lot of guys say they're looking for friendship first because it gives them an "escape" if you aren't interested. Essentially it just boils down to passivity. As for why they grill you, I think Brandon got it right. They are trying to force something that isn't there. When I fish, it doesn't matter to me when a bream swims past my bass lure. I'm fishing for bass. I think a lot of guys don't know what they're "fishing for" so they try to "catch" anyone they can. Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 6 May, 2010 07:24 PM Well, ya know what Harry said in "When Harry Met Sally," about how men and women can never really be friends... Not completely true, but I do think it's a challenge... or at least a challenge to have a close friendship w/ someone of the opposite sex. A casual friendship where you only very occasionally cross paths is something different altogether. A lot of men and women who are "just friends" will admit to there being a romantic undercurrent there. And if there isn't a romantic undercurrent, they're typically seeking someone else who there is a romantic undercurrent with. Anyway... I would say that friendship is being brother-sister in Christ to each other without there being an expressed desire to pursue each other romantically. Once one or the other expresses the desire to be more than just friends, than the 2 either begin dating/courtship, decide to part ways because it's just too awkward now, or continue on as friends while the one who expressed desire for there to be more suppresses his or her desires. Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 7 May, 2010 03:00 AM You mentioned 'undercurrent of romance' and that raises a (potentially really naive) question: Do women sometimes just use that as a temporary fix to feel better about themselves and boost their ego, then when the shine wears off move on? Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 7 May, 2010 03:19 AM I have known women who do this, yes. Post Reply
View Profile History	enlighten me please... Posted : 7 May, 2010 06:23 AM yay remp is back Post Reply

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