Author	Thread: Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming.
PEM4 View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 03:05 PM Last December, I met a nice guy on line from the same culture and religion as mine. He has called and prayed and sang to me when I was down and going through some challenges. I did not even tell him but I felt the Lord inspired him to call at the right time. We communicated on and off but nothing deep just formalities untill earlier this year. . Last month he has mentioned to me that he wants to get married to me and he was hesitant before to consider me because I had 4 kids but now he has accepted that option and would like to marry me. He lives in New York and he wants to visit with me next week, then he wants to get married. He has asked for my ring size and I have not given him that information because I feel everything is being planned for me and I am not involved. He is looking into buying a house in Alabama for us to live there. He is a great guy but he does not understand that I want us to take time to know each other. I have told him that I have to be sure about anything I do because I do not want to make the same error 3 times. I think he is agitated because I am not going along with his plans. I will if he would slow down and not plan everything for me and over my head and not include me. I am overwhelm and a bit upset that he is basing my life on how he feels and now input from me. I am going to walk away. I want to get married but not this way. It is RUSHED..Am I being a baby about this situation? tell me. I need sincere feed back on this... Post Reply
View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 05:55 PM there's no way this can be an honest question. NO, you're not being a baby you're being wise. everyone has things about themselves they need to work on, and you want to get as much of if not all of those things ironed out as you can BEFORE you get married. Post Reply
View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 06:24 PM Go with your feelings because you know you are right. December was only 4 months away! You know the saying, "Marry in haste, repent at leisure". I don't think anyone who lives in a different location can know someone well enough to marry them, just from an on-line relationship. It's not hard to be on one's best behavior for 6 months in order to get someone to like you. Besides, planning all of this without your input and rushing you, shows selfishness (and maybe desperation) on his part. This also shows that he is possibly a control freak. Voice of experience talking here, unfortunately. Post Reply
View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 07:32 PM Sister, this has happened to me. That man is not a Christian. He doesn't have in mind what is best for you , your children, and your future life together. He is thinking only of himself. You are right to let him go. He will argue and try to get you to feel bad about youself and feel sorry for him and guilt you into agreeing with him. Stand firm. He is not a Christian man. Do not marry him. God bless you. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 09:23 PM My gut feeling is that you are not being silly. If you think it's too fast, it's too fast. If he really loves you and cares about you, he'll respect your feelings and back off on the pressure. If he doesn't love and care about you, he will show his true colors. Just be careful, ok? Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 10:15 PM Take your time Pem. Follow your first mind. If he is meant for you, then he will wait and respect your wishes. Did you tell him, as you've expressed to us about your feelings, about him planning everything without including you? Have you specifically told him you feel upset and overewhelmed as you've shared here? If not, then you tell him. That will tell you even more about him. If you get alot of impatience or more irritation, that is a definite sign that he is not on the up and up on something in his life that very well will affect your relationship as a couple. Continue to guard your heart with all diligence, for, as scripture says, out of it flow the issues of life. Be wary my sister. ~ GraceMae Post Reply
View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 24 Apr, 2010 12:10 AM Pem, Your Heart knows the Truth. It knows that it is not right to be in such Haste. There is a Natural Process to Love and this is not it. I fear that he is not thinking of you and yours...but his. Post Reply
InHisHonor View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 24 Apr, 2010 12:18 AM I agree with the above posts. Drop him like a bag of spiders. :ROFL: Post Reply
Vagrant View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 24 Apr, 2010 01:11 AM Not a believer? Not a husband. The truth is much more simple than our emotions... Post Reply
SOS4EMAILFRIEND View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 24 Apr, 2010 05:58 AM I think you should not walk away yet! After all you said that you were convinced that the Lord had said him apart for you. But you should definitely stall! I think this man thinks that you have been unable to make decisions or opinions on your own as he has helped you so much. Maybe this man lives with the idea that you need to be taken by the hand in everything that needs to be done. Maybe he sees you like a baby in the most positive sense of the word but still.... you are not. You might have made mistakes but you are an adult! But you have to be aware that people make these stupid suppositions, especially when they are being such a great help and shoulder to lean on. A man usually thinks that a woman is fragile and needs protection, because he has helped you so much going through rough times... he thinks you probably wind up in trouble again if he does not take immediate action and marries you ASAP. Now is your time to prove that you are an adult, not a baby. Now is your time to show him that you are not his pupil and he your counsellor but that you are a grown up ready for a grown up relationship. I do not think that he is a control freak. Control freaks do not help people who are in trouble, they make them feel even more stupid in order to get a better grip on them. However, be cautious because it might as well be that. I think he sincerely loves you but is loving you the wrong way. He is not your councellor nor your daddy. He needs to see the grown up woman in you and I think you should show it to him. That meeting is a wonderful occasion to do so. But please do not drop him as I think he just needs to have a clear and real look at you for him to open his eyes. However, be cautious. Because maybe he does not want an adult woman! I do not know if that would make him a control freak but it would make him a compulsive daddy-love-freak where you will always be treated as a good or bad child!! This is very dangerous. So please keep your eyes open while trying to open his. :waving: Post Reply
View Profile History	Am I silly if I walk away? I feel this is too fast/ overwhelming. Posted : 24 Apr, 2010 11:18 AM I agree with the others that you should not rush into marriage with this guy and that he possibly only cares about himself, but to say that he is not a Christian based on that?! We all sin, some of us on a daily basis, and we can all be selfish. Post Reply

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