I am finding that non-churched or non-Christian men do not understand why Christian women do not want to date them. It's too difficult to explain being unequally yoked because they do not understand or reason with it.
I usually tell them that we are too "different" but they interpret it as "I am better than you" or "I am judging you".
I also get this one a lot. They decide in order to win my heart they will become "like" me and offer to go to church with me and "help" them to be better people...
I usually tell them I cannot help them become better. That is something they have to discover on their own. I tell them they could come to church with me if we were an item, but since we are not they are welcome to go to my church but not with me. Sometimes I suggest another church for them to go too.
This happens very often. Just this month I have had two men ask to go to church with me. Another guy is already there and usually sits in my row or a few rows behind me. Another guy asked me about coming to church with me last month.
After the first guy showed up at my church I quit telling people where I go to church.
Anyone have anything better to offer than what I'm already doing?
I understand your plight, but perhaps these men aren't trying to be "like" you? Perhaps they see your fruit and the light inside you and it's drawing them towards God? Maybe you could use these opportunities to bring people to God?
I have had men ask to go to church with me and I've invited both men and women to come to my church. I tell them when it begins and give them directions. If they show up, I try to be very nice; as nice as I would treat any other visitor. I invite them to sit with me, but I might make sure there's a little extra space between us if it's a man I'm not in a relationship with (but that's a totally different scenario). In my opinion, if they are truly wanting to get closer to God, they will return or attend a different church. If they are just trying to impress me, it will fizzle out in time.
I don't think we should judge anyone's motives. We should try to witness or help anyone we can, especially when it comes to their salvation. But these are just my two cents.
The "problem" as I see it is "The Prize". What are these men after? Is it truly to "seek knowledge and enlightenment" or something else? Men have been known to go to all kinds of extremes in their pursuit of Women. Now, I know of some men that have been led to Christ by women, but those relationships had developed outside of Church.
I would tend to agree with you about not telling them where you go to Church and perhaps lead them to a study group.
As to what would I say to someone that asks me what makes me different from them (non-believers), I would answer "I have Absolutes that guide me in my decision-making" and those Absolutes are The Ten Commandments and the Teachings of Jesus and The Edicts of my Church...while the other person may or may not have such Absolutes.
It would be difficult for me to be with someone who would "clash" with my beliefs. Whether that makes me a "better" person is not for me to decide or even consider.
Thanks to all. Let me clarify. These men have asked me out and now want to go to church with me. I have not dated any of them. I already know their motives and I do not need the reputation of all these men coming to church to meet me there. Sounds harsh maybe but I have experience that it does not serve me well.
I used to work with 30 men in a plant and posted my church's singles group and alot of men came and of course wanted to sit with me. People started talking about me.
If a man wants to know God he will find Him. He can go to any church to find God.
I am mainly wanting advise on what or how to tell them so they don't think I'm judging them or think I'm too good for them.
By the way, I have brought male guests to church with me but they weren't trying to date me either.
Well sometimes that is not such a bad thing. I believe that the lord wants us to lead people to the kingdom any way we can so long as it doesn't compromise our morals or go against the word of god.You can fellowship with unbelievers as long as you don't do anything that causes you to sin against god , even if that fellowship is a date and espsially if it includeds going to church to hear gods word. Jesus fellowshiped with sinners all the time, and Moses married and Egyptian girl and ended up bringing her whole familiy into the kingdom of god.
On the other hand it is strickly your choice as a women weather you want to date anybody, and if god has not moved you in a direction to date an unbeliever or even fellowship with them you should not. You can simply tell them the truth, which is i don't want you to hender my faith. All women have standards of what they want a man to attain to, and this is simply one of your standards, at least it is moral. After that if they don't accept it so what
Isabel you are a doll.Men chase cute ladies, even unsaved ones.
So, you are on the right track to get rid of the ones you do not want.you must be picky, the next guy you marry should be the one for life.With this thought pick very carefully.Most guys like good looking women.You have a high standard keep it.
It is good just to be friends and have friends who help you get rid of the guys you do not want.
I thought I might add that how you convey the message will go a long way to better help them understand.. As others have stated it is best to be honest and up front about your expectations / standards of a person. Most men DO understand this, some just don't like it and most likely get their feelings hurt after getting the courage up to ask you out.
I would suggest that you just be very prepared on how you give them the "response" when asked out - which one of these would you understand the best ?
1) NO THANKS! ONLY CHRISTIAN MEN FOR ME!
or
2) aren't you sweet, I'm so flattered, I hope you don't take this wrong... but my belief is to find a like minded christian man to spend my future with, thanks anyway, bye
I know a lady who had a similar situation. She worked with a guy who was very interested in her, and she really liked him...but he wasn't a Christian. They spent time together as friends, but she kept refusing to go on dates with him. She wouldn't tell him why; she just said that she couldn't because of some personal reasons.
Over the course of a couple years, he started attending a different church from hers and got saved. After he had been faithful to the church for a while and was growing in his faith, they talked again about their friendship. He asked her out once more, and this time she said yes...and explained why she couldn't go out with him before. He was surprised, but said that she did the right thing...he would have gone to church and "converted" just to win her; because she didn't push that issue, he went to church and got saved because he knew that was the right decision no matter what.
They have been happily married for several years now. He's becoming a very strong Christian and is the spiritual leader of the household.
