What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 09:24 PM
Well, the thing is that from what I have noticed and observed,I always thought that most men went for one type of woman: thin, pretty, young and the type of women they thought were devoted to serving their every little need and catering to their every little whim, and were intimidated and not attracted to what some people considered to be strong, smart, independent career women or ones that didn't look a certain way or that they thought were too demanding simply because they had a career.
The ones that I came across always seemed to be attracted to that type so I tried to be submissive and tried to downplay my intelligence or tried to downplay the fact that I am highly educated or even a college graduate simply because I am not really skinny or pretty and I thought that was the only way I could attract anyone is if I acted like that. The weird thing is it only seemed to work for a short time and it seems like most guys closer to my age want younger and prettier women that do cater to their every whim and I have to compete with that if I want to meet someone decent that could be my future husband and that I could settle down with and start a family with because I have noticed that men that I have come across are not really attracted to women that are college-educated and have a career because a lot of times they will throw it up in your face and say stuff like you're too involved in your career and that you care more about your job than you do about me and saying that's why I am cheating on you with someone else and I am leaving you and/or divorcing you for her, usually it's for someone younger and prettier.
Another thing that I have noticed in the couple of relationships I have had, as well as the many rejections when I first introduce myself to a guy that I have dealt with is that men don't like it if you don't want to get sexually involved with them in like the first 2 or 3 dates and you explain to him why then he pushes you away and rejects you for someone who will. I have to say that I haven't been in that many relationships and that's another reason why I get rejected. In case you were wondering, yes, at 29 years old I am still a virgin and the relationships that I have been in never lasted long enough for me to get to that point because I would have to be in a relationship with someone for a while before I would consider doing anything sexual with him, that is if I choose not to wait til my wedding night. That's something that I don't mention to someone I am seeing until maybe a few weeks into a relationship unless I am asked about that before then by the guy, then I am upfront and honest with them because I feel like honesty is very important in a relationship. I don't know if its a blessing or a curse because on one hand some people applaud you and are saying you are doing the right thing, but by the same token you have people who look down on you because they think you should be messing around with as many guys as possible and they make it look so cool and so glamorous to have sex with as many different people as possible and say that you are a uptight little prude or a stuck-up little priss and make some snide, nasty remarks along the lines of"you're too fat and ugly to ever have someone be attracted to you or want to be with you and love you" or that "you're too old, fat and ugly to find someone" or my personal favorite,"if you don't do it, they will find some other woman that will" if you don't live your life like that and I have to also compete for guys closer to my age with other women that are 95% of the time, younger and prettier that will do that for a man.
Again, these are things I have been told and that I have observed and noticed in my search for someone that I could settle down and start a family with who will unconditionally love me as well as accept and appreciate me for who I am as a woman and what I have to give to them and offer them. I might be confused or might have the wrong idea about this all together. If you have any thoughts on this I would like to hear them because I just don't know and I hope and pray to God that there are still some decent gentlemen out there. God bless you and be with you
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 10:19 PM
Have you ever taken a minute to consider the credibility and motivation of the sources the input you're using to direct your thoughts and how you esteem yourself? More incredulous than them telling you what to do without even knowing you, you listen to them without even knowing them. What they think and feel is not as important as what you think and feel and it's evident that it's also not in your best interest either, so why pay them any respect? More important than finding a husband and starting a family, you need to find a way to understand and be happy and content with yourself and who you are in God and what makes you special in Him. That doesn't come from chasing the wind. It comes from going to the One that creates the wind and having a relationship with Him. He is the source of our strength, and what we need, not them. I hope something in there helped. If nothing else, I'll be praying for you.
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 10:50 PM
yeah, I see where you're coming from and what you're basically saying is that I shouldn't let other people dictate to me how I live my life and just look to God to give me everything that I could want or dream of and build on my relationship with Him before I try to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and start a family with. I was just giving my observations as to why I always get rejected by guys and trying to figure out if those actually were the reasons that I would get rejected or dumped simply because that's what generally would happen in that situation and usually what I was told by others or if it was something else entirely that I missed in trying to figure it out so I wouldn't make the same mistakes again. I admit, constantly being rejected and dumped has somewhat taken a toll on my self-esteem because I truly believed that the problem is me and there was something wrong with me as a woman that I needed to be the kind of woman that I was convinced that men would be attracted to so I would have the best chance of finding a husband to settle down and start a family with. Thank you and I'll pray for you as well
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 7 Mar, 2010 03:31 PM
I've always believed you get what you "pay" for. If you dumb yourself down you'll get a dumb guy. If you compromise your morals you'll get an immoral guy. If you lower your standards you'll get a guy with lower standards. Be who and what you are and find a man that fits your life.
I look at it this way. My life is a puzzle of many pieces that are coming together. In order to make a piece fit that is not designed for the puzzle I have to change all the pieces around it to fit the piece. Then I end up with something in the puzzle that makes no sense because it has distorted the picture. It may take longer to find the piece that fits but it's easier to look at the picture when it does.
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 7 Mar, 2010 06:54 PM
Desiring God ministries with John Piper is excellent material, I would hope you've heard of DG, but they do a conference every year and A few years ago they did one on Marriage, Biblical Femininity, Sex and the Supremacy of Christ. Really really good!
It is very solid practical teaching. I'm 31 and single, can certainly be hard. But I start preaching God's word(ie truth) to myself when tempted on wallowing in selfpity. But Christ is our first love and he gives us all we need to live life and to live life with joy!!!!:glow:
But He also wants us to find our joy/pleasure in Him, to have a living relationship with him. Even something that's good, right, natural like marriage/family can become an idol if it takes Christ's place in our life. God has given us as singles an opportunity to serve and love Him and to serve and love others in ways that married people can't. Apostle Paul talks about being content in whatever situation we're in. This includes single/married. Marriage is hard work(so i hear!!;) ) and there are alot of married people wanting out. We have a Bridegroom (christ) who gave his life for us, who cares for us, who loves us perfectly, who desires us to want Him. He knows our needs and desires even better than we.
RIght now for you and me God's will for us is to be single, yeah i sure hope that changes someday!!!!!. Jim Elliot once send in a letter to Elisabeth "let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." I don't know if this is a help or not, it's an idea someone gave me. I started writing 'love letter' sort of to God (perhaps one day to give a future spouse too) yes praying for spouse and FOR that future spouse, but also that i desire God's will first and to keep me from anything that might take my focus off of Christ etc. Being a great wife (proverbs 31) begins with pursuing Christlikeness, NOT with the intent that 'if i do this God will bless me with a spouse' but to pursue Christ Himself. Does that make sense? Hey, I'll be thinking of you!! Check out Desiring GOd........
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 7 Mar, 2010 07:09 PM
As a Christian you can't talk about sex without talking marriage. Christ created a wonderful gift of sex, as reflection of His relationship with his church, not in the sense of sexual ecstasy but the kind of intimate/close daily relationship we're to have with him (make sense?)
Paul talks about 'uniting yourself with a prostitute, being one with her in body and how can you unite temple of christ with wrongdoing" that's a really rough bad wording sorry!
The desire is right and good, paul also 'talks about it's better to marry than burn with passion..." But it's only when boundaries are set (sex within marriage only) that we can truly enjoy pleasure and intimacy the way GOd created it. For example with children you set boundaries, you teach them to look before crossing the street and bed times, not because you don't care but because you do, you know they need sleep and to keep them safe and happy. Being adults doesn't mean there' aren't boundaries, There are men out there who are honorable, respectable, they may be an endangered species!! but they are there, God is sovereign, ominipotent and omniscient, and He works "all things what for our good." HE KNOWS!!!!!!:glow:
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 9 Mar, 2010 09:26 PM
thanks,that's pretty good advice....like i said, i felt like that's what I had to do in order to attract someone simply because i felt like there was no other way
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 9 Mar, 2010 09:34 PM
you brought up some very good points in your response, Rachel. I am a little confused by something you said however. How can wanting to be married and wanting to have a family become an idol in your life even though its a good thing that God wants His people to have? I mean, is it when you truly want and desire something bad enough and long enough? I am not sure about this. And if this happens, does it happen to you unknowingly at some point it time, like if you didn't know it or wasn't aware of it happening. If you or anyone can answer this and clear this up for me it can be greatly appreciated.
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 12 Mar, 2010 03:32 PM
angelgirl,
sure, what i was getting at was if all our focus, thoughts are on anything other than Christ even something good, it is good that we desire a Godly marriage, but if it takes christ's place in our heart even something good can become wrong.(if we desire it more than we desire christ)
Marriage is a reflection of christ's relationship with his bride the church, (which we are part of) Marriage is only for this life (earthly) whenever we desire or if the focus of our attention is on creation and not the creator, you're settling for less that what God created us for. I"m not in any way saying that we shouldn't desire marriage or a godly marriage, the world is definetly bad need of a good example! but if it is the focus of our attention and not christ, we're settling.
God desires first and foremost to have a love relationship/close with us. He gave his life not just for our salvation, but to give us everything we need to live life and to live life with all joy. And he also gives us the strength to face whatever comes along in life. He may/may not one day bless us with a spouse, but will we love, serve worship, find our hope in Him even then? Do we desire God more than a spouse? It's very easy especially for me anway, to be tempted to think God doesn't care or that 'if i do this maybe he'll bless me with a spouse." But God isn't vindictive, and he works all things out for our good, even when we sin against him, he doesnt give up on us, he still loves and provides for us. I can certainly be so very very HARD at times, but God does know, there's a bigger picture here, that we are only part of, we only see a part of it, He wants us to trust him, to take refuge in him and he gives us the strength to endure.
I don't know if this helps make things a little clearer, but i mean it to be an encouragement to you from another fellow sufferer!! : ).
