Author	Thread: Genuine Male friends
PEM4 View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 3 Mar, 2010 04:34 PM Why is it impossible for me to have a genuine social male friend without him trying to turn the relationship into an intimate one? I have encountered this problem several times at different stages in my life, where my good friend starts making passes at me. When this happens I get confused and avoid my friend. I had tried to pretend that it did not happen and tried to be friends as before however the situations creates other issues. In most cases I had to tell my friend that I only saw them as brothers and not as mate and never will considered them in that manner. Last year - I lost my best friend and was not even invited to his wedding because of the above issue. He asked me to marry him twice. I only turn him down, because I sincerely only thought of him as my brother. We have been friends since 1987 and he won't even talk with me. Why does this happen with my male friends? Post Reply
View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 3 Mar, 2010 09:44 PM I don't really know if I can answer this. I can be friends with a woman but if I find myself attracted to her to the point I want to take it to the next level I would tell her. If she didn't see our relationship that way I would honor her feelings and continue being her friend. I can't go the other way though. If I have had a romantic relationship with a woman I can't just be her friend. I have a very good friend that has four sisters. He has no problem thinking of women as his sisters. I wonder if it has to do with whether or not a man has sisters and the kind of relationships he had with them. Thunder Post Reply
View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 03:31 AM Thunder, You are not just a "pretty" face! That is an excellent observation. Having a sister does prepare a man for "dealing" with women in his later life and also for being more comfortable around them but I believe it does little when it comes to having to "deal" with being attracted to them. Pem4, face it...you are a lovely woman and men are going to be attracted to you. Too bad that it will change the relationship, but that is the way "the cookie crumbles". As for the man not inviting you to his wedding...I feel is a bit too much, but...! So, I have now forgotten what the question was and what my point was, so...How about a joke? Post Reply
View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 08:10 AM dear folks, i agree with arch .. ole cattle Post Reply
View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 10:13 AM i always had male friends and the outcome was always the same. I attributed my desire for male friends to the fact that I have 2 brothers and got along with them great. fist fights and everything, haha... I had to learn to trust women which stemmed from a bad relationship with my mom. Not trying to bore you with my story but i said all that to say, men are supposed to be attracted to women unless of course they dont like women. (?) so it's really hard to hang around with one especially and not expect feelings to grow or at least the temptation to be there, you know? Blessings, Riveroflife Post Reply
Hayley2020 View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 04:30 PM Lol Arch. Post Reply
View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 5 Mar, 2010 07:29 AM Archimedes, you are so crazy! You crack me up. Pem, I know what you mean. That has happened to me more times than I can count. But I have been successful in having and keeping two male friends. One is in a picture on my profile and one considers me his best friend. We ask each other advice on our dates. They do the 'Will Smith Martin Lawrence Bad Boys' thing to my dates. It is sooo embarrassing! But I love them. I think you can start off as friends, and feelings can change over time. I want my spouse to be my best friend, so starting out as friends, to me, is a good thing. Like Thunder said, they just have to respect your feelings if you want to remain 'just friends'. Post Reply
View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 09:40 PM Well if you both feel differently about each other, one persons feelings will be respected and the other person's won't. And when that's the case I really don't see how it's possible to honostly be a friend. When a guy is in a relationship with a girl almost always he's looking for a potential mate. Just friends is like a consolation prize. Most guys are big boys and would rather just do without that and work on forgetting the unrequitted love experience they had. It doesn't take a genious to realize the time and energy spent being nothing more than just friends could be better spent doing things you love that make you happy, especially when there is no motivation to maintain that relationship anyway. Don't mean to be mean, just a guys honost opinion. Post Reply
PEM4 View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 10 Mar, 2010 01:36 PM ThunderofGod, Thanks for responding and I guess although I understand your response I am still troubled about the issue. I just don't want my friends to start giving me the appreciative eye and would just want to remain as one of the crowd or as friend not mate.... I grewup with my brother but several male cousins and this has made it quite easy for me to have male friends. .. ...I can't win on this one huh??.. geez Post Reply
PEM4 View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 10 Mar, 2010 01:47 PM Arch.., So I should face, huh? I am doing a poor job of facing it and having much difficulty handling these situations. Honestly, I have tried. By the way you had already given the joke...me so much at the end... hilarious. Post Reply
PEM4 View Profile History	Genuine Male friends Posted : 10 Mar, 2010 05:42 PM Cattle, Hayley , thanks River, I can relate to growing up with several male relates and its influence on me. I wish I could have that with my friends with out the complication but I now have to accept. Post Reply

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