Author	Thread: Why do so many of you bring the past forward "My wife and I...
SadieCA View Profile History	Why do so many of you bring the past forward "My wife and I... Posted : 29 Jun, 2008 07:41 PM This is what I want to know,why do I here this is what I want her to be like,especially when compared to a woman in the past.To say these are the qualities I enjoy ,and these I don't is ok,but to say I want someone like -----HEY,Lets get along in the spirit,adding,this is who I'd like to become with my mate. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do so many of you bring the past forward "My wife and I... Posted : 30 Jun, 2008 10:59 PM Why someone would bring the past forward is simple. It's the past. The past is what makes each of us who we are today. We apply past experiences, negative or positive, to our current experience. If we are unhappy in a current relationship it is only natural to revert back to the memory of our last relationship, a happy one. Negatively comparing you to someone else, especially an ex, is down right disrespectful. It makes the person being compared feel unappreciated. Maybe, he compared you to his ex-wife because in she acts, in most ways, like him. They both think alike, they both have the same personality, etc. It just sounds like he is bothered because the two of you aren't alike as much as he wants. In his frustration, his ex-wife is mentioned. He needs to remember all the things he likes about you ( ask him to point out the things he likes about you ). He needs to learn how to appreciate all of the positive things in you that attracted him to you in the first place instead of trying to "change" you or compare you with past women in his life. He needs to accept you for you. Not one person on this planet can change who they are overnight, not possible. Another thing...he shouldn't be asking you to be more like his ex-wife because she is his ex for a reason, right? Post Reply
spachurchgirl View Profile History	Why do so many of you bring the past forward "My wife and I... Posted : 9 Jul, 2008 04:25 PM :angel:Well spoken Focused on God. No need to go behind you and add to it. :angel: Post Reply
SusieQ8 View Profile History	Why do so many of you bring the past forward "My wife and I... Posted : 9 Jul, 2008 10:25 PM Okay, I know I am not a guy but to be honest in my heart and sometimes out loud it is "My husband and I .." or "My X and I use to..." So, why does this happen? 1. I was married to him for 17+ years. I really loved my husband. I grew from my twenties to my forties with him. I had beautiful, intelligent, wonderful children with him. I truly saw myself growing old with him. Regardless, of what went wrong, there were things right, things I grew accustom to, things I miss, and qualities I enjoyed and respected. 2. I don't think it's much different from "My dad was like this or we did that together when I was young." Comparison to significant people in our lives. We all have people in our heads whether real (daddy and my X) or imagined (Prince Charming and Jesus). It is just important to keep it in prespective or the tie to the past could ruin the present and future. 3. The Word says the bond of marriage is a mystery. The relationship between husband and wife goes profoundly deep to the joining of souls to one person. The attachment of spending more years with a spouse then a parent can be very difficult when broken, especially if you really loved them. My husband is dead to me caused by divorce but his body walks the earth possessed by an " X". So, as somebody who can be guilty of this inside and occassionally outside, I am willing to extend grace, understanding and forgiveness to others. However, too much of it, might persuade me to call the "X" and send you over there for your favorite corn bread. I sure hopes this honesty helps somebody understand and be patient during the transistion. :nicenurse: Susan :angel: Post Reply