Author	Thread: how long do you wait?
Admin	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 06:08 PM got another question for the guys- been reading the forums and really enjoy your answers-archimedes really says what he feels- which is great- remp, cattle, skinny, & dgrimater all give great answers.... I been legally seperated for a long time, wife won't sign papers. I want to live according to scripture which is why I prayed long and hard and did a lot of soul-searching before I took the heartwrenching step of filing for divorce to get out of a very abusive( her-not me) relationship. How long should I wait until I accept an offer from a nice lady to go out to dinner or a movie, without a guilty conscience? On one hand, I want to stay true to the teachings of Christ and don't want to be an adulterer in Jesus' eyes, on the other I don't won't to spend the rest of my life alone either. I guess I'm just that naive. I was married for 23 years( a few of them quite happily) and I think I have a big heart and really enjoy good Christian companionship Could some of you please either give me some scriptures or at least remember me in your prayers. Post Reply
stormcountry33 View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 06:40 PM If you have been separated for a long time, has she been seeing others? If so, then she has committed adultery in the eyes of God which constitutes the right for divorce. However, to answer your question. Perhaps you need to talk with her and explain your situation and thoughts about wanting to move on.This is a hard one to give advice for because we don't know the whole situation. Hope you can figure it out. I hope God can deliver to you an answer. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 07:41 PM Yeah, extremely touchy situation...only thing I can say is that even with divorce papers, in God's eyes you are still married(one flesh) until one commits adultery....so...I dunno...you know the situation...be careful. :peace::peace: Post Reply
sdsurfgirl View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 08:40 PM Wow, that's tough, and I'm sure you've searched the Bible for an answer. You've probably have prayed about it a lot and if there aren't any scriptural answers, then it must be between you and the Lord. A matter of conscience...don't you think? Just keep praying, reading the Bible, and keep wise counsel. Post Reply
View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 08:54 PM Yeah, extremely touchy situation...only thing I can say is that even with divorce papers, in God's eyes you are still married(one flesh) until one commits adultery....so...I dunno...you know the situation...be careful. I am sorry to drop in on this one being it is in the ask the guys forum but, waiting on someone to comitt adultry 1st seems like a set up to be in the right eyes of God. If you want to do the right thing according to Gods eyes then. you are seperated making it already your choice and done it on your abusive relationship reasons and you left her. It seems you left her to make her choice to find some man and end it 1st so you can find a wonderful wife. You are the head your more accountable when it comes to making a choice to leave a woman to me.You are the protector of the home God made you that you left her unprotected. I dont think that is correct either if you want to really do the right thing being in a abusive relationship you should be thinking like any normal abusive person would you would be not even looking for a woman,or wanting her to commit adultry just so u can justify your divorce. You should think about getting Her help being she is sick and needs help. Shouldnt that stand somewhere in the lines of working on your strengths somewhere down the road? You do remember the vows? all I am saying we are not right by just letting a person we see and know is heading to commit a sin to put her on the road to (hell)....are we? Post Reply
View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 09:08 PM ok its late and I am tired I apologized for this stating something I thought I read but was not clear why I took it that way but, rereading your post I see that their is not enough of what you stated for me to state you unprotected her. I must be on a fire and brimstone mode...I apologize. GivenLife Post Reply
View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 09:09 PM Thanks for all the advice so far- to add a little more infor- the last 5 years was spent trying to get help for our marriage-counselers, (marriage & spiritial), others as well-won't go into everything -suffice it to say I really wanted our marriage to work and put my all into it but after years of abuse (mental and other) I did not see myself as sending her into the world to sin. I looked at it as giving myself a chance to be able to focus more on my relationship with God and prayed she would as well. Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 09:35 PM edw... you are not alone my brother.... I'm sure many just don't have the courage you do to share. Don't forget all the word of God that you DO know in your heart and spirit! Yes, you've got a "situation",but you've also got "Godly and wise folk that will help as you ask them, and standin' by if your need us Post Reply
View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 10:15 PM dear edw, i cant rightfully tell you its ok to date till you get them divorce papers ..no matter the situation.. and no matter how much id love to be able to tell you go for it and date.. hehe but i wouldnt be givin you the right council if i did.. cause till you get them papers youre still concidered married.. i know its tough but if ya want your next relationship to be blessed , id start it out right or youll prolly end up with even more grief.. ole cattle Post Reply
View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 11:12 PM Only God knows. Along with your complete healing from this, I also pray that you'll be able to recognize and follow when He does reveal where to go and what to do. We serve a great God. And his grace and peace will see you through. Believe that. Post Reply
skinnywhiteboy View Profile History	how long do you wait? Posted : 26 Jan, 2010 12:28 PM edw: We're all God's creation. In the case of abuse-think of the kids, if there are any. And look up your state's P.F.A. (protection from abuse/restraining order.) I'm pretty sure we'd all "chime in if the situation were a woman wondering what she'd do in the same situation. I've dealt with crazy, and this will probably make a lot of people angry-but if a woman returns to an abusive home, it usually gets worse before it's better, if it does get better at all. Do you mind if I ask why she's waiting to finalize the papers? If she was abusive, then "head games" come with that territory. That stinks man, it really does. Post Reply

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