Author	Thread: Guys WEIGH IN on this with your MALE point of view please! Thanks!
PsalmReader View Profile History	Guys WEIGH IN on this with your MALE point of view please! Thanks! Posted : 3 Oct, 2009 07:49 PM AT THIS point in this online process of meeting people, there are several subjects I COULD ask you guys about, as I KNOW that MEN think VERY DIFFERENTLY from women. This is the ONE I really would APPRECIATE some MALE feedback on, though (just your GUT HONEST reaction): I Messaged about half a dozen new guys on here one night, in the New York City area, as typically not everyone we Message even responds, and of those who do respond, only THEN can we even BEGIN to REALLY TELL if someone is compatible with us and our goals and dreams for our lives. Such as, I desire to be a Homemaker, and only certain guys nowadays seem able to truly embrace that in their own lives. SO, of them, ONE man from the Bronx in NYC Messaged me back, and we sent a few Messages back-and-forth, did ONE IM over on another singles site (as we couldn't get the IM on CDFF to work for us), and we each heard what the other's voice sounds like through Voicemail Messaging by phone (he heard MY voice when he dialed my phone number which I gave him to call, while I spoke my unanswered call Message, and I heard his on the Voicemail he left in response (which he called me from a RESTRICTED number, so I never had HIS phone number, nor did he LEAVE it, and only his INITIALS he 'goes by' here, but he gave me his ACTUAL NAME, first OR last name). We never did have our (scheduled by him) live phone conversation together. He requested one with me, and I agreed to clear my schedule to be available for that; a half hour or so before it was to take place he Messaged my Inbox (lucky I CHECKED IT, since he did NOT CALL me to tell me that) he was busy at his church, and I never heard anything AT ALL from his again over a few days until he JUST responded VERY HOSTILE to my Message to him that contained my troubled observations to that point with us, and wished him well at its ending, as I was moving on myself. Any communications we did have, all totaled, was over only a very few days time from my initial Message to him here. After about 2 days of Inbox Messaging, we did our IM. He responded to my asking 'Using all 5 senses, describe what you see a wife bringing to your life' by ALL intimate lovemaking things that pertain to a LOVER but not necessarily a WIFE, and nothing like "As I come home from work I SMELL my FAVORITE dish cooking for supper by her". While sex and intimacy IS important in marriage, ALOT of everyday life in a marriage takes place OUT of the BEDROOM. When I asked him SPECIFICALLY what he LIKED about MY Profiles (as I referred him to all 3 I maintain as there is ALOT of information about ME between all 3), he just said everything. It was ALL what he was looking for. He NEVER answered ANYTHING SPECIFIC, nor have I EVER KNOWN a man to be COMPLETELY in line with EVERYTHING I say in my Profiles. He ended the IM, on about our 3rd day communicating online, with a goodnight sentence, and the EXACT words (we were talking online Bilingually) "mi amor" (= 'my love' in English). Thinking that I am a grown, intelligent woman and he could not POSSIBLY be ABLE at THIS point in things to HONESTLY USES SUCH WORDS, I emailed him a couple of emails about VERY down-to-earth lifestyle considerations IF in FACT he WAS interested in us moving toward sharing our lives, as to a WOMAN it is a SERIOUS thing to USE the "LOVE" word (in ANY language!) and I wanted to be sure he understood how I saw the IMPLICATIONS of such a declaration from him. He read those Messages (this site SHOWS when they are READ) but still never responded at all, nor EVER called me LIVE at all, which is when I sent the 'good-bye' Message sharing my observations that had made ME uncomfortable and wishing him well as I ALSO was moving on at that point. So, NOW, he suddenly responds in a Message that HE was a 'professional Profiler' and that NONE of my observations had ANY validity to them, and NOW HE is OFFENDED and to NEVER Message him EVER AGAIN. (He ALSO added that his mother was beaten up, and he sent me TWO Messages, teeling me off, and repeated that in both Messages.) I asked the Holy Spirit, who IS the Spirit of Truth about it, as the way I somewhat filled you in here that he was acting toward me, already making me uncomfortable, I believe was Wisdom guiding me regarding him. (He also stated he was now 51 years old, and to my question replied that he has NEVER in HIS LIFE E-V-E-R been in LOVE with ANY woman, and that he has ALSO NEVER EVER BEEN MARRIED!) I am ready, in general, to GIVE UP on this online love searching thing, as it is HARD ENOUGH and FRUSTRATING and SCAREY at times and DISCOURAGING enough without someone basically telling ME OFF and saying IN that to me that NONE of MY OBSERVATIONS and/or DISCOMFORT has ANY VALIDITY and that I offended HIM by even STATING my concerns to him. Guys, I know this is a longer Post than most, but I needed to give you ENOUGH of the SCEANRIO for you to be able to REALLY know WHAT I am asking your opinions on. As a Christian sister in our Lord, I would REALLY LIKE the REALITY CHECK of you GUYS telling ME what YOU think this is REALLY ABOUT, and if YOU think that ALL my observations I honestly SHARED with him after not hearing back from him at all after he canceled our phone call (my pre-phone-call emails to him, earlier on that day it was SCHEDULED to happen and then never did, let him KNOW that I DID have SEVERAL IMPORTANT QUESTIONS I wanted to ASK him, as he had previously AGREED that I could ask him ANYTHING, and as HE RAN to the "L" word VERY SOON I thought I had both RIGHT & REASON to, at THAT point, to protect myself and not get played since sometimes when guys say I am "sweet" as HE did, they SEEM to think I am STUPID too). Guys, as a child of God, who IS Truth and Love, I DO NOT FEAR TRUTH so no matter WHAT, so please pray for Truth and Wisdom to GUIDE you, and then share YOUR thoughts with me! THANK YOU! I APPRECIATE your taking the time! Post Reply
View Profile History	Guys WEIGH IN on this with your MALE point of view please! Thanks! Posted : 3 Oct, 2009 09:42 PM dear psalm, welcome to the forums.. one bad apple dont spoil a whole barrel.. ole cattle Post Reply
View Profile History	Guys WEIGH IN on this with your MALE point of view please! Thanks! Posted : 4 Oct, 2009 01:32 AM If your level of happiness rises and falls with how you attatch youself to men, and people in general for that matter you will never be happy. You define and determine who you are, not anyone or anything else. It sounds like you took this too seriously out of neediness. It moved too fast, maybe you got ahead of things and next thing you know there's too much pressure and expectation and the result was confusion and resentment from both parties. This next part is more of a reach, but your 'observations' may have come off as criticism and too confrontational. Also about the phone call that never happened and delayed replys: it's the internet and all you know of what's going on on their end is what they have the time or energy to say. Next time I recommend taking it easy and be more self-reliant. Life's too short to worry if something will or won't. Don't give up, please. Better yourself by being more realistic next time. God bless you. I hope something in there helped. :waving: Post Reply
theDave View Profile History	Guys WEIGH IN on this with your MALE point of view please! Thanks! Posted : 5 Oct, 2009 11:23 PM Ok, So I understand that there was a lot of motion the first few days... then nothing. Then something... then nothing. Then questions... then hostility. Then concern... then it's over? Is that the jist of how it went? You have to realize that dating websites are a virtual catalog to find a mate. And while the internet is more or less instant, people aren't. You push something forward too quickly and someone pulls away. For a guy to never have been in love with a woman means that he's insecure. That and he's probably never had a woman interested in openly interested in him and he didn't know how to respond to the social awkwardness of it thus he called you mi amor. He should have never attacked you nor criticized the validity of your concerns but this, in my mind, was a defensive move. I think that he was afraid of you. Now, you asked for him to describe an ideal wife using all five senses... In my mind, this is a loaded psychological question that has very few right answers because you will inherently interpret his answer against yourself and then you rate yourself in an x in five compatibility. You also said "wife" and not "marriage." I think that he took you literally and started naming off five ideal things that he associated with being with a woman and not five things that one would associate with a day to day relationship. That and men are sexual beings. A lot of times we think with our privates and if one watches a lot of porn then it's even more so that way. That and what's with the picture of you with your pinky in you mouth? that's a very sensual and flirtatious picture and whe you asked him the five senses question his mind probably jumped to that picture and out came sexual thoughts. I believe that everyone should take responsibility for their actions so I'm not making excuses for him, I'm just giving you some things to consider. -Dave Post Reply
View Profile History	Guys WEIGH IN on this with your MALE point of view please! Thanks! Posted : 7 Oct, 2009 06:03 PM I'm sorry you had a rough time with a 'possible'. Please remember this is the internet. It is very easy to get online to start looking. It is FAR different to actually talk, or meet, or date. Plus there is that Male/Female thing. Women may put more into the search while men may just cruise through. It's seems obvious to me that you put a LOT into this, there was a lot of emotional involvement. It seems, perhaps, there was a lot of EARLY involvement/attachment. Maybe you were caught up in the 'power of being invisible on the internet' and you went faster than you would have in person. Guys may have a tougher time making commitments. I know for me, I'm ready to start looking - kind of. I'm online but - whew, thinking of meeting someone or going on a date? That's different! I have weird work schedules, when would I have time to get ready and go out? A lot of this is guess - why did he do those things? No way to know. Just be ready. Be careful online. Be more careful in the real world. Pray that God guides us more than our own wants. God bless, Lloyd Post Reply
tantzer View Profile History	Guys WEIGH IN on this with your MALE point of view please! Thanks! Posted : 13 Oct, 2009 10:28 AM I'm going to be wicked, evil, and nasty here and suggest maybe this guy just got overloaded with information from you. What did you want from this guy? What did you say? Did you say it succinctly or did you send him pages and pages of "stuff" with contradictory and / or loaded messages? Did you immediately start talking "wife" to him? That smacks of insecurity and / or potential parasitism. ( I admit I have not read all the way through your profile or this discussion topic - I think they're excessively long. These are just my thoughts. I have my undergrad degree from an Ivy and an MBA, so I don't think I'm a complete idiot but you can lump me in that class if any of my comments offend you.) Post Reply