Author	Thread: PLEASE help me understand something...
Admin	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 08:52 AM Ok here's a question for the guys: When you are sending a girl a private message, and that message consists of nothing more than "Hi! How are you?" what exactly are you expecting to hear back in return? The following is an actual private message conversation that I had with someone: Guy: Hey!! How are you?? Me: Good! How are you? Guy: pretty good:) just watching tv and taking it easy haha.. Me: Cool. Sounds like fun :D Guy: haha yeah And that's it....I mean how exacly am I supposed to respond to "haha yeah"? In my opinion, if you're the one to initiate a message- that equates to an express of interest. Usually, when trying to get someone to be interested in return, most people should want to leave a good impression and give the other person a reason to return the interest. If you want to start a conversation with someone, give the other person something to respond to. Looking at the conversation above, you can clearly see that it went absolutely nowhere, and its highly likely that it will not go any further. I have to admit, I am totally capable of turning that conversation around and create a semi-meaningful conversation (probably not fully meaningful because based on the guy's previous responses, he does has not proved to me that he is equally capable in the art of conversing). However, what is there to motivate me to push the conversation any further? Why should I be the one to put forth maximum effort when there's clearly not much effort coming from his end and I'm not even the one to start the conversation. I feel like if you're interested in me, then you need to do some work to make me interested in you. I'm not desperate and I won't settle for just anyone. I'm not going to work really hard and push myself to make you interesting. In the conversation above, I responded with lame responses...but I consider those lame responses opportunities for him to see that the conversation was not leading anywhere, and yet I was still responding, so he should have noticed this and given me more to respond to. Now my biggest question: what motivates guys to ask "how are you?" in an initial message and nothing else? And do you really expect much out of it? This exact message comprises roughly 70-80% (if not more) of all incoming messages I receive in my inbox. And not once has it resulted in a decent conversation. I know I'm not boring, even though the conversation above may prove otherwise to you....but I am not going to try if you're not going to try. I would really love to hear a guy's perspective on all of this. Post Reply
TaxMan View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 09:15 AM I've had that happen on my end. It's not too common that females contact me, although since I've put that I'm just looking for E-mail contact, more have contacted me than I've reached out to. Curious. At any rate, I'm GUESSING that the thought is "Ok. This one looks good. I'm going to try to contact her. This is the 46th one I've sent a message to today. No replies. Oh well, gonna do this and then off to do whatever else it is I have to do..." "Oh shoot..she said hi back. That was quick. I still have to go. What am I going to talk about? I didnt expect her to actually write BACK! WHAT NOW??" And the conversation falls like a stone in water as YOU are expecting him to carry it (as you well should) and he wasnt expecting anything to actually get pitched back. A swing and a miss. That's my best try. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 10:17 AM Lol yeah. That definitely makes sense...but also, seeing that it is a message in your inbox and not an IM, I think it's totally expected that my message to you would NOT lead to an immediate response from you if I were to write back to an initial message from you. With private messages it is at your discretion to answer back WHENEVER you want...which does not have to be immediately :glow:. Therefore there really is no excuse to not provide something that can lead to an interesting conversation. Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 12:06 PM dear folks, sometimes folks have a hard time typing what they wanna say and sometimes they just are plain out shyer folks.. so hard as it may be sometimes ya just gotta carry the conversation till they get comfortable.. specially till you hit their hot button..that being something that they really love and love to talk about.. i believe that youll miss out on alot of great people by dismissing them by a first few times talkin some if they wont open up and communicate.. hey i know i have.. ole cattle Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:34 PM Ok so I understand that there are people out there that aren't very good at conveying things in writing or who are really shy....so then tell me "I'm not very good at this, but I'd like to get to know you better"....and I'm willing to work with that and make more of an effort...but look at the conversation above. Besides asking "how are you?" is there any indication that he actually wants to get to know me? From what I can see- not really. So why send me a message to begin with? I've had conversations before that have started the same way, and I've given them the benefit of the doubt, and I ask them questions to get them to open up more...and it ends up being a series of messages where I'll ask a question, he'll answer, but never asks me anything about me, so I'll ask another question and the cycle continues... If someone initiates interest, why should I have to work so hard to maintain that interest when they're not giving me any reason at all to be interested in return? Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:35 PM any time a guy says 'hey, how are you?' it means hi, i'm interested in you and would like to know more about you. however we get rejected ALOT for many different reasons we don't fully understand. it's never fun. and we learn real quick how to play it cool and not become attatched so quickly and to not wear our feelings on our sleeves. Therefore, it's also a safe way of asking 'are you interested in me?' without being too forward or pushy, which i think all of us have been guilty of at some point. In this case the conversation just naturally fizzled out cuz he wasn't thinking about the next move, and needs to learn how to be a little more interesting and playful in his dialogue. that's all. Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:41 PM Ok Remp25....am I asking way too much of guys? If you were to send someone a message that says "Hey! How are you?" and get a response, where do you go from there? If you were interested initially are you not going to try to engage her in conversation, or would you rather appear completely uninterested and uninteresting and push her away? Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:52 PM well, and of course this isn't set in stone or anything, but generally it'll go something like this: Thing 1: hey, how's it going Thing 2: not bad, how bout you Thing 1: doing alright. Post Reply
TaxMan View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:53 PM Naw, it's not asking too much. It's part of the weeding process. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:54 PM Ok so then where do you go from there? Do you give up? Or do you expect her to do all the work? Or do you ask her something about her? Post Reply
View Profile History	PLEASE help me understand something... Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:57 PM just so yall know there was alot more to that last response i had. i'm not retarded. lol Post Reply

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