Brothers (sisters, join the party too, pls!) - how do you handle if a sister (your wife, of course) 'lacks fire' sexually? Do you automatically conclude frigidity OR do you consider that she may be lacking the true fire - the fire of your love?
This is somewhat a rhetoric - random thoughts but do share your thoughts.
Sisters, if you've experienced emotional frigidity, you know that lack of true love could result in emotional frigidity which also causes physical coldness. Sad to say, our well degraded sex culture screams at us that everything is sexual but is that really so? Lets face it, for most women, the fire starts in the heart. Regardless of how the TV paints us, we are still emotional beings who love to be loved. Why do some brothers find it so hard to get that and neglect to lay the ground work all day long, but expect to come home to a hot fire?
Now, I am not advocating that wives be prostitutes - selling sex to your husband in exchange for favors, but common, brothers, there is no microwave fireplaces (at least not yet), so why expect microwave sexual readiness?
Am I way off here? Are there women out there that are �push button� digital sexual clocks or is my thought right that most women are analog watches that need to be wound?
No offence to either the digital (jet age, huh?) or analog ones amongst us. Just how I am expressing it, but y�all get my drift, do you?
I don't understand frigidity at all. I can't imagine not having that aspect of your life looked after. To me, that part of your activity is just an expression of due affection owed to the other. The husband should show due affection to his wife and the wife should show due affection to her husband. Sexual relation is a craving that most people have. Marriage gives you an outlet to pour into there. You have a husband or wife right there, so pour into them. I can't imagine not having that. I am eager to give my love to my husband in that way just as much for my pleasure as for his. I would not be pleasured if the sexual area of our life was not looked after. Plus, I would want to please him. So, I guess it's just something I would do naturally. I just have a hard time comprehending frigidity as I look so much forward to that part of the relationship myself. I would insist on it myself!
Would it make it easier and more exciting and more desirable if he loved me well and took care of me in the area of love (especially verbal and other physical love)? Yes. Women are a little different from men. We like to be talked to tenderly and quite a bit more than men like to be talked to or talk at all. So, I think verbally there's a part there. And of course respect. But, respect goes more for them I think. Respect is very important for a man.
P.S. I wasn't advocating that a woman has to be at his beckon call all the time. Nor was I advocating that he wouldn't take care of me and then I would just spit out that area of life for him. I would just naturally be on go most of the time. I would probably want that area more than he would. He'd probably have to keep up with me rather than the other way around!
Well this question was started by my answer to GloryShine about First Kiss and I happen to have personal experience with the issue so I feel compelled to answer.
First of all, there is no "one size fits all" answer here. Some women just really do have a low sex drive, if at all. Some men have this too - Eunuchs for Christ we can say - and they should not be getting married.
In other words, if a woman knows that she really is not interested in intimacy, she shouldn't get married and all the loving in the world isn't going to make a difference. Approximately 1% of the population are actually asexual - not having any interest in sexual intimacy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
Second, some women are frigid because of serious psychological issues. My ex-wife was obsessed with germs and thus could not overcome her association with kissing and germs. I am dead serious, as crazy as it sounds. Now, how can loving change this? It can't.
There are other psychological issues, and they are much more common with women than men when it comes to sexuality. My ex was also brought up in a legalistic, fundamentalist church that forbid wearing pants, jewelry, etc. It was also a British education, because she is West Indian from Barbados and, no offense intended, but the British will never be known for being warm people, especially with their children. They do not hug or say "I love you", they only discipline sternly and tell you to be quiet. This wrecked havoc on her ability to love or show warmth. Sex was ultimately something dirty and men are dogs for wanting it. I heard that a lot.
So, please be careful about making assumptions that if a man says his wife is frigid it is because he is a horrible lover who does not understand women. It may be true - it may not be. In my case I know it is not true as I am a naturally affectionate, passionate man that believes in loving his wife 100%. However, it takes two to tango.
Third, you know there really IS NOT a major difference here between men and women and this really needs to be said. You said women are "emotional beings who love to be loved". Absolutely - but do you think this ONLY applies to women? Noooooooo! It applies to us men as well and this is why - after a decade of coldness and frigidity - I had to leave because I was on the verge of suicide (and this is not an invitation for some legalist to judge me either).
Thanks for creating this thread, as it is an important one.
as a woman who when I was married would have enjoyed that aspect of our lives if he had been more of a loverthan a fighter. turns out he has mental issues which caused him to act the way he did but I tried for years until he cheated then I can honestly say I became friggid ..
now I can tell you I think making love with your mate is the greatest joy that you can share and should NEVER be used for gain or witheld as punishment for frivaluos things. BOTH men and women should WANT to please each other at all times in ALL we do..
BROTHERS AND SISTERS, THE FIRST THING IS THAT, UP UNTIL IT IS FOUND IN THE BIBLE, WE NEED TO LET GO OF THIS THING OF, WOMEN DO A PARTICULAR THING BETTER THAN MEN OR MEN DO A PARTICULAR THING BETTER THAN WOMEN.
IN ADDITION, WE ALSO NEED TO LET GO OF THIS THING OF, WOMEN ARE MORE EMOTIONAL THAN MEN OR MEN ARE LESS EMOTIONAL OR MEN DONT LIKE TO BE TALKED TO TENDERLY OR WOMEN HAVE MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES THAN MEN, YADA YADA YADA, THE LIST IS ENDLESS, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY TRISTAN SAID HE IS,� not even going to say a word on this one�. I CAN TOTALLY SEE WHY.
BROTHERS AND SISTERS I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU ARE WRONG, ONLY GOD KNOWS, BUT ALL THESE PHILOSOPHIES ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN ARE CREATED BY SOCIETY BECAUSE THE BIBLE DOES NOT SAY SUCH THINGS. IF THE BIBLE DOES SAY SUCH, PLEASE DIRECT ME TO THE PRECISE SCRIPTURE.
AS FAR AS WHAT SCRIPTURE SAYS, MEN ARE THE HEAD, WOMEM ARE THE HELPMATE AND DESPITE BEING THE HEAD, MEN ARE TO LOVE THEIR WOMEN AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH. WOMEN GIVE BIRTH, MEN ARE TO PREACH IN CHURCH, WOMEN ARE TO HOMEMAKE AND MANY MORE. THESE ARE ALL WRITTEN IN SCRIPTURE.
SIMPLE AND CLEAR, WITH NO AMMENDMENTS.
I DONT SEE WHERE THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT MENS EMOTIONS OR WOMENS EMOTIONS OR WHEHTER ONE GENDER IS MORE EMOTIONAL THAN THE OTHER AND OR WHETHER ONE GENDER IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER, YADA, YADA,YADA. WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?
BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WE ARE IN THIS WORLD BUT NOT OF IT. (JOHN 17:16)
SOCIETY HAS CREATED SO MANY PHILOSOPHIES THAT ARE BELIEVEABLE BUT NOT TRUE. WHERE IS THE REAL TRUTH KEPT, IT IS IN THE WORD OF GOD. THE REAL TRUTH IS THE WORD OF GOD. SIMPLE.
BROTHER KDHNY, AS I SAID IN ANOTHER POST, I AM SORRY ABOUT WHAT CONSPIRED BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR EX.
DESPITE WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPEN WITH YOUR EX, HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE BRITISH WILL NEVER BE KNOWN FOR BEING WARM PEOPLE? MY BROTHER, PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WORDS, JUST BECAUSE YOUR EX TURNED OUT THAT WAY, IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT ALL BRITISH PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT AND THAT ALL BRITISH PEOPLE WERE OR ARE BEING BROUGHT UP IN THE WAY SHE DID. IF YOUR EX TURNED OUT AS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE, YOU WILL PROBABLY HAVE SAID THAT THE BRITISH ARE VERY WARM PEOPLE AND THAT THEY HAVE A GREAT CULTURE. BE SINCERE WITH YOURSELF.
MY BROTHER, I THINK YOU SHOULD LOOK BACK AT WHAT YOU WROTE TO CHECK WHETHER YOU JUDGED AND IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU JUDGED, YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF, HOW RIGHTEOUS WAS THAT JUDGEMENT IN ACCORDANCE WITH SCRIPTURE?
IN ADDTION, HOW CAN YOU MAKE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A BUNCH OF JUDGEMENTS, IF YOU HAVE NOT MET EVERY SINGLE BRITISH PERSON?
MY BROTHER, WHERE DOES THE BIBLE SAY THAT WE ARE CALLED TO JUDGE THE NATIONS BECAUSE IT STRONGLY APPEARS AS THOUGH YOU ARE JUDGING?
BROTHER KDHNY, IN YOUR COMMENTS YOU SAID THAT YOU HEAR SUCH THINGS ALOT, BUT WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT ALL THIS. WHERE DOES THE BIBLE GIVE YOU CONFIRMATION ABOUT THESE THINGS THAT YOU CLAIM TO HEAR?
BROTHERS AND SISTERS, IT APPEARS AS THOUGH, SOME OF US ARE IN THE HABIT OF BLAMING ONE ANOTHER. BLAME THE DEVIL, IT IS THE DEVIL WHO I STRONGLY BELIEVE IS LAUGHING AS WE SPEAK, DONT GIVE SATAN A REASON TO LAUGH, SATAN SHOULD BE IN SORROW.
LET�S JUST STICK TO THE WORD OF GOD. MAKE SATAN UNHAPPY BY STICKING TO THE WORD.
NONE OF YOU HAVE MET THE ENTIRE HUMAN POPULATION, SO FOR THOSE WHO GENERALISE BY SAYING WOMEN ARE THIS OR MEN ARE THIS, YOUR GENERALISATION IS FAR FROM ACCURATE BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT MET EVERYONE, APART FROM THAT, BRING OUT THE SCRIPTURE THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO GENERALISE?
PROVERBS 3:5-6
�Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.�
JOSHUA 1:8
�Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.�
BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WE ARE CHARGED TO DO EVERYTHING IN THE BIBLE, NO ADDITIONS OR NO CHANGES.
ROMANS 13:11
�And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.�
ROMANS 12:2
�Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is�his good, pleasing and perfect will.�
COLOSSIANS 3:5
�Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature�
1 CORINTHIANS 7:3-6
�The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command�
DESPITE WHAT PAUL SAID ABOUT THE CONCESSION AT THE CLOSE OF THE VERSE ABOVE, HUSBANDS AND WIFES THAT DEPRIVE THEIR OTHER HALF OF INTERCOURSE, INTIMACY AND ALL TYPES OF PHYSICAL WARMTH WITHOUT RIGHTEOUS REASON, ARE PROBABLY CAUSING THE DEPRIVED PARTNER TO BECOME SEXUALLY IMMORAL AND TO SIN AGAINST HIS/HER OWN BODY, BELOW YOU WILL SEE WHY.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:2
�But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband�
1 CORINTHIANS 6:18
�Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body�
YOU SEE, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, ONE OF THE MAJOR REASONS OF MARRIAGE IS TO AVOID BEING SEXUALLY IMMORAL. SO BASED ON THE SCRIPTURES GIVEN , WITHOUT GOOD REASON AND DESPITE BEING A CONCESSION AND NOT A COMMAND, A MAN OR WOMAN, SHOULD NOT REALLY DEPRIVE HIS/HER OTHER HALF OF INTIMACY, INTERCOURSE OR ANY PHYSICAL WARMTH BECAUSE THEY MAY CAUSE THE OTHER TO BECOME SEXUALLY IMMORAL.
ON THE OTHER HAND, MEN ARE TOLD TO NOT BE HARSH ON THEIR WIVES. WE AS MEN NEED TO LOVE OUR WIFES AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH. AT THE SAME TIME, THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT OUR WIVES CAN DEPRIVE US OF PHYSICAL WARMTH , FOR WIVES ARE TOLD BE SUBMISSIVE AND THERE ARE NO PRECISE BOUNDARIES TO THAT SUBMISSION, EXCEPT FOR HUSBANDS TO NOT BE HARSH. IN OTHER WORDS, WE AS HUSBANDS ARE NOT TO BE CRUEL OR UNKIND AND ARE IMPLIED TO NOT ABUSE THE GIFT OF A SUBMISSIVE WIFE BY NOT BEING HARSH. YOU WILL SEE BELOW.
COLOSIANS 3:18
�Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.�
MY SISTER SHUNA, I WILL HANDLE A FRIGID WIFE WITH PRAYER, THE WORD OF GOD, WITH RESPECT AND WITH COMPROMISE.
IN ADDITION, ONE THING IS FOR SURE, EVERY BODY LOVES TO BE LOVED, WHETHER YOUR MALE OR FEMALE, WHERE DOES THE BIBLE SAY THAT MOST WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL BEINGS THAT LOVE TO BE LOVED?
ALSO, IT APPEARS AS THOUGH YOU ARE IMPLYING THAT THERE ARE NOT SOME WOMEN OUT THERE WHO BEHAVE IN THE NATURE YOU DESCRIBED SOME MEN TO BEHAVE. PERSONALLY, IN MY PAST I HAVE SURE BEEN WITH WOMEN THAT,� expect to come home to a hot fire�,� expect microwave sexual readiness�, AND BEHAVE IN THE MANNER YOU DESCRIBED.
I GET YOUR DRIFT SHUNA AND NO OFFENCE IS TAKEN BUT BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIANCES, PEOPLE FROM BOTH GENDERS ARE AT FAULT, SO IN ACCORDANCE TO SCRIPTURE, MY SISTER SHUNA, YOU ARE CERTAINLY WAY OFF.
MY SISTER GLORY, I AGREE WITH YOUR FIRST PARAGRAPH ABOUT NOT UNDERSTANDING A FRIGID PERSON AND I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WERE NOT TRYING TO ADVOCATE CERTAIN THINGS BUT DOES THE BIBLE SAY THAT WOMEN LIKE TO BE TALKED TO, IN A MORE TENDER WAY THAN MEN OR THAT RESPECT IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR THE MAN TO SHOW, AS YOU HAVE IMPLIED?
I THINK THAT IT IS FANTASTIC THAT YOU ARE THE TYPE THAT,� would just naturally be on go most of the time�. I PRAY YOU WOULD FIND A HUSBAND LIKE THAT.
BROTHER KDHNY, I AGREE, BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIANCES, THAT SOME PEOPLES SEX DRIVE DIFFER. WHICH IS WHY I HOPE IN FAITH (HEBREWS 11:1), THAT I GET A WIFE THAT ATLEAST MATCHES MY SEX DRIVE, LOL. IF I DONT GET ONE, ITS STILL GOOD, AS LONG AS GOD HAS TOLD ME THAT SHE IS FOR ME, WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN,LOL
IN ADDITION, BROTHER KDHNY, WHERE DOES THE BIBLE SAY THAT WOMEN OR SOME WOMEN HAVE MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES THAN MEN?
BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I AM NOT PERFECT, NEITHER AM I MAKING OUT THAT I AM BETTER THAN ANYONE, ALL I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO DO, IN ACCORDANCE WITH SCRIPTURE, IS ANSWER THE QUESTIONS AND RIGHTEOUSLY RESOND TO THE COMMENTS MADE.
PLEASE DONT BEAT ME UP:boxing:, LOL
I RECKON THIS THREAD MAY GO FOR ABOUT 5 PAGES, ANYONE TAKING BETS ON THIS, LOL,
dear kdh, hey man im very sorry you were put through that.. i cant even begin to imagine it.. that would be more like you was living with a friend you had a deep crush on.. loving them and wanting them but yet not allowed to toutch... theres a sayin that a cold fish is best left in the water.. now i understand what that meant.. hehe
I was gonna leave this one alone,but I don't think I can.
Women are more verbal than men are, we know that, so when the men come home at nite, they just ain't gonna have too much to say. They don't understand the need for words.Ladies, they can't help it. For me pillow talk is very important, so gents, even if you don't feel like it ,, do it anyway. Sex starts early in the day for women. Sex is NOT for the MAN it is for the woman!!!! Face it, men don't have much of a problem and women sometimes do. If you catch my drift. If you drink, stop long before hand, it is a real turnoff. Pay attention to what the lady is Not saying also. If you don't give her want she needs you ain't gonna get what you want.
