Random question. I know this isn't a pleasant thought, but how many men would consider a girl who would otherwise be a virgin had she not been raped? There are some women who want their Christian man to be a virgin, but those are few and it's not like they can tell.
Would you accept the girl's statement as truth? Seek a police report? Would you treat her with more caution? If so, would you be obvious about it? Have you ever asked a girl if she was a virgin? Do you think she would stay silent, lie or admit to the event, if she was raped?
As a side question, since on the subject, what of those women who become believers? Would you accept them if, in their past beliefs, they put out, only to come to the conclusion that they were wrong and wanted to come to Christ?
I used to think that these had obvious answers, but, after reading responses about accepting Christians who used to be unbelieving sodomites, I'm not so sure.
That IS a tough question; I'm a 40 year old virgin, with no regrets.
For me, if a woman was raped, that is not losing virginity. Just my perspective. Unless the subject comes up on its own, ya, I might ask a lady if she's a virgin; mostly only for my own sake for the wedding night to be honest.
If she says she was raped, then no - I wouldn't question it. I'd wonder about how it may affect her sex life though; again, I don't know - I know next to nothing about that. But would having sex bring back traumatic memories for her? Would I suddenly have to deal with some very real and serious issues with my bride?
These are all intensely personal things, and in the end, we're all going to wind up dealing with unexpected things with our mates.
I would hope that far enough along in our relationship, that she would feel okay telling me that she was raped. I would want to know, simply so I could be on guard for things - it would make no difference to me or my perspective of her.
"As a side question, since on the subject, what of those women who become believers? Would you accept them if, in their past beliefs, they put out, only to come to the conclusion that they were wrong and wanted to come to Christ?"
They are a new creation; that is their past life. Yet, even the past life has consequences in the new creation :-(
Again - because I'm a virgin, obviously I would prefer a virgin. But especially at my age, that's getting more and more harder to come by, and I'm okay with it if she's not a virgin. But there is that loss on the wedding night, y'know?
I don't think rape is at all the same thing - that is not a giving of oneself, that is not "making love."
Ty for responding Ian. I do have to agree that there are consequences, but I'm wondering what men here personally think. I mean, women forgive men who had sex before they claimed Christianity and even after. Would they?
(I find this funny. As soon as I wrote this, my profile had a lot of views. In case you're wondering and don't want to ask, I am a virgin. I had a strict, loving father who kept me so naive that I had a lot of embarrassing points later in highschool because I didn't know what terms meant what, but at least it makes for a chance to tell about them for a laugh. :laugh:)
Haha! I haven't been looking at my profile to see if the numbers are racking up - too funny.
Yes - strict fathers are nice. For me, it was my father in heaven, because there was 8 years there where I was backslidden, but still had strong moral standards from when I got saved. But I was so desperate for happiness and longing for that missing something (Jesus, I know that now) that I had already gotten into the alchohol; I was heading for drugs and sex, but the Lord opened my eyes, and I saw where it all was leading: The alchohol, drugs, sex, money, fame, everything led to death. I saw that and wound up turning back to the Lord.
Anyway - I spoke my piece, I'll let the other guys speak. Ya, I would forgive them.
who i began to see. Her whole family was AWESOME believers. SO was she. She was... raped in a corn field a block from her home. And had a baby, but it messed her up so bad, she didnt even realize or achknowldege or tell anyone she was prego. her mom found out by seeing her getting out of the shower when she was 7� mos prego. MArsha had blocked it out. She was going to give the baby up for adoption, then later decided to keep him, his name was oscar, i used to play with him alot. Her mom ended up taking cafre of him.
ANyway, having said all that, she WAS a virgin before that happened. I treated her and viewed her as one. She couldnt help the physical facts, but the spiritual and moral decisions that accompany the loss of her virginity were stolen and violated as well. Our romance didnt last long, a few months, it was more of me trying to help her get her head and heart back together then anything else. I liked her, but she pulled away from me eventually for whatever reason. She was very quiet and shy and just seemed to want a very specific set of things from me. hard to explain.
No, no - that movie was about some other guy. He gives me a bad name... There's this other guy who looks like me on TV all the time too - he gets me into trouble a lot as well.
dear folks, phoe, i dont care what any woman has ever done in her past.. if she was raped and lost it or if she lost it willfully.. i aint lookin at her any different than just as a woman in CHRIST now that is if shes been saved.. and if shes been saved shes already asked for forgiveness from the ONE who can grant forgiveness of sins and HE forgave HER soons she asked. and if HE forgot her sins as the bible tells us then how can anyone possibly hold anything against her? if GOD dont then we shouldnt...
Random question. I know this isn't a pleasant thought, but how many men would consider a girl who would otherwise be a virgin had she not been raped? There are some women who want their Christian man to be a virgin, but those are few and it's not like they can tell.
Would you accept the girl's statement as truth? Seek a police report? Would you treat her with more caution? If so, would you be obvious about it? Have you ever asked a girl if she was a virgin? Do you think she would stay silent, lie or admit to the event, if she was raped?
As a side question, since on the subject, what of those women who become believers? Would you accept them if, in their past beliefs, they put out, only to come to the conclusion that they were wrong and wanted to come to Christ?
I used to think that these had obvious answers, but, after reading responses about accepting Christians who used to be unbelieving sodomites, I'm not so sure.
Raped means against her will. what kind of amn would hold that agsinst a victim? The deeper issue is how did she deal with that rape? Is she afraid of men. Can she enjoy sex? You did not give any indication in the first part of your question.
The second question: What if those women become believers? Would I accept them?
The answer for a Christian man is that if a man were to be like Jesus, he must know that this woman truly believes. If she is indeed a Christian then forgiveness is the way for her, their realtionship and for love. But forgiveness on his part even if she lies. The problem seems to be that too many accept an average type as good enough, whether in ourselves, or in others.
I don't care if a girl is a virgin or not, but if it got serious enough that marriage may be close by, i would ask her, simply for safety reasons with STD's and stuff like that. Now if she had a kid, it would probably be a lot harder for me to marry her, but thats because I dont want any kids, and so throwing one into the mix would make a huge impact on how my and our lives would function. But i havent had to think about that yet, and may never have to think about the kid issue, so I'm not gonna worry about it unless it comes up.
But yea, the basic virgin or non-virgin isnt a dealbreaker to me.
