I have read many profiles about how great the guy is, how attentive he is, how almost perfect he is, supported by a long list. So i have to ask how come divorced or on web site?
Yes, that burns. course those perfect men are looking for those perfect women with a just as long a list.I know there are women who let a good man go/get away, but i'm wondering about the other situations?
after reading this, the question seems lame... ya think ian/cattleman? :goofball:
dear goldie,, sounds like youre just ventin a little bit hehe.. but it is a legit question. i think folks can be divorced and still be a really good person.. but for some reason things didnt work out for them.. but yet we know something wasnt right.. hehe hopefully weve learned from our mistakes.
now as for me im not gonna brag and tell you how good i am or how great a catch i am.. as im just a man.. the only thing good in me is CHRIST. im not perfect ,far from it. but i do the best i can.. what is it the bible says bout tootin your own horn.. well you know what i mean.. smile
Everytime I read the profile of some lady that strikes me as "WHAT??? SHE EXISTS? And she's STILL SINGLE???" WHY???"
Then I look at myself...
there's piles of reasons for someone being single; as I've said elsewhere, I know that I've been a big part of that problem. I am *very* picky, and I make no apologies for that (I'd rather be single than wish I was!), but the past couple of months has been a turning point for me.
It started when a friend of mine, 23, got engaged. Let's face it, nothing instills more hope, joy, and sorrow in the hearts of singles than to hear those words "We're engaged!"
So jokingly, after congratulating him, I told him was going to have to share his tricks with me, cause obviously he was better at this than I was. Boy was that a mistake! (Or the best thing I ever did) :rolleyes:
He was very surprised to hear I wanted to be married - and I was surprised he was surprised! He then really spoke a lot of profound things into my life, showed me a lot of things I was doing wrong; one of the biggest things was the way I carried myself: I am careful to be content being single (this is a good thing) - but apparently I gave off a strong air of "I'm single, I like it this way, ladies need not apply."
And here I was, thinking I was going around "advertising" myself! I then had several friends (all in Ohio) all tell me the same thing!
I mean, here I am, traveling all over North America, speaking to tens of thousands of people in churches, bible colleges and christian schools, and tens of millions of people by television. I always joked around about being single when in front of a crowd - in my mind, this was "advertising" - "Hey Ladies, I'm available! Any takers?"
Turns out that was not at all the message being received. And apparently my lifestyle (which I only have BECAUSE I'm single) scared off quite a few ladies too.
Also, I was afraid to make myself available, because the matchmakers did such a lousy job frankly. I always wound up in these awkward situations, getting introduced to some lady that I know nothing about, I'd freak out and not know how to handle it. i don't want to lead anybody on (and "dating" to me was like leading someone on), but I'm not going to get involved with someone whom I know nothing about!
Anyway, there's much more to this; let me sum it up like this:
-I have been the problem
-the past two months have been a whirlwind of life and attitude changes, and profound life lessons
-some of those changes involved making myself available, and going on christian dating sites.
-I'm recognizing that there's a difference between "dating" "courting" and "in a relationship."
I love it here. To be honest, I kinda looked down my nose at "matchmaking sites" before, and would've been embarrassed to say I was on them. It's excellent - everything is up front, you're all here for a reason, there's very little guessing, and you can usually get a handle on a person within the first minute of reading their profile.
Yes, there's risks and mistakes, there's scammers and those who portray themselves as something they're not - but so what? You get all of that in real life anyway!
And the unexpected thing here was the excellent fellowship - I appreciate you all. You have all helped me to change, and to learn. It's been great to follow the frank discussions - very edumacational.
Great post Ian, by the way you and Ole need to start hangin in the over 40 chat room on here with me, its killer, tons of prayer.
LIVE CONVERSATION!
But anyway, Goldie, thats actually something i was talking to a freind about the night before last... why is it EVERYONE has a sob story about thier divorce? it's ALWAYS the other person what into this or did that, or whatever. Then i thought about it, see, I was unequally yoked (not to my knowlegde at first) and she became a VERY ungodly woman over the course of our marriage. and believe me when I tell you, i tried EVERYTHING for years.
She finally left me for good and said, Alex, you really are the type of husband most women are looking for, but I am not the wife for you, it's not you, it's never been you. It's me. I can't handle all this God stuff, I am not happy, I just want out. And bam left me for another dude.
So in my case, while i wasnt and certainly am not perfect, I am fairly certain I am a good catch and have learned how to be the right kind of person in a marriage. I hope...
but I don't know about alot of other ppl here. It seems most of us have been cheated on, that seems to be a very very common thing. Of couse weve all been hurt, cant live without that happening. But I have never had a single person tell me *alex, it was all my fault, i messed up the marriage and i chose wrongly, to divorce, I was the one who cheated, etc etc*
dear folks, ian , man very good post.. and bro tristan id love to join yawl in the chatroom. if you can just help tell me how to get my computer to let me in there. it keeps sayin aol has it blocked. and i have no idea how to unblock it. ive tried all i know how.. the i m works here.. just cant get in chatrooms anywhere now.
