First off I have been raised to let let the man make the first action. By that on here I mean sending a wink or a message. Who should send something first the guy or the gal? Thank you.
Firstly... our parents were raised in avery different world to us.
Secondly their rules only apply if both men and woman follow them to the letter.... which does not happen any more.
Thirdly with the increasingly insane culture the "man makes the first move" is becoming an increasingly dangerous thing. On one hand the humiliation of repeated rejection in combination with the ridicule that follows you if you are a man (which did not exist in it's current intensity 50 years ago) makes the men bitter. On the other hand any agressive move that a man makes can leave him vulnerable to criminal charges and this DOES happen a lot because some woman are increasigly paranoid to the point of pepper spraying you if you dare to talk to them at the wrong moment. Whether all this actually happens personally to a man or not all men are aware of it and the more sensitive one's are left in a limbo of you cant be too "manly" and no one actually takes you seriously if you are too nice. Yes everyone says they want a "nice young man" but no harmless fool actually ever drives any woman mad with desire and the alternative is risky at the best of times because the man is at the mercy of the ambiguous female temperament... all woman have the annoying tendency to expect men to be able to read their minds at least some of the time with no conception of the male inability to do it AT ALL. It's easy enough to read a woman's body but her mind is a permanent mystery because she keeps contradicting what her body is broadcasting. This happens because physical signals are general and woman infuriatingly insist on men everywhere knowing exactly who it is meant for even though it's broadcast to everybody at the same time.
Fourthly men are human too, sometimes a man just does not have the emotional energy left to be a energetic idiot that keeps chatting up random woman for just in case she actually might like you.
Fithly.... this is the internet people it has it's own rules. Everyone is the same and everyone is different. If you want something reach out and take it, don't just announce your arrival and wait for the phone to ring.... you will die alone with lots of cats around you.
Rant/explenation aside, the "rules" have changed. The men are poorer, the woman are richer, both are less well off because the wealth only shifted from the one to the other and each now has to do the same work to earn what they get. This means that woman are REQUIRED to make exactly the same moves as the men, it's not ideal but it's the reality of the madness that is modern life. This means sharing everything equally in the dating process... all the responsibilities, all the payments, all the receipts, everything. You cannot get off easy with "I'm old fashioned", no one has that luxery any more unless you are a woman and the man is wealthy enough to throw money at you as well as supporting himself without breaking himself in the process.
On a less serious a wink is a perfectably acceptable first move. There is no process set in stone just don't keep winking back and forth forever hahaha eventually someone has to send a message.... just make sure that you have enough information on your profile that the poor man actually has something to comment on. A common irritation for me is a woman refusing to share anything of herself and getting angry that I make the assumptions I am FORCED to make by her lack of sharing. It's all fine and dandy to not "judge a book by it's cover" but for that you actually have to be able to READ the book... without the reading there must be judgement it's one or the other. The general process with that is you REPLACE the initial judgement with actual knowledge but the judgement always comes first. And yes I know I expand the topic too easily.
Ach...meant to cancel and re-word the previous message. Guess I better finish it:
In our current society, it doesn't matter who initiates.
Mostly *how* things are initiated...but given it's online, a wink, a message, whatever.
This isn't a marriage proposal... it's more of an introduction. Besides, unless your profile is set to show if you've viewed folks, how will someone who's caught your eye gonna know unless you initiate said introduction?
And even if it's set to show if you've viewed them..all that does is show the person you've perused their profile.
Send a wink or a message [my opinion? go with message] and let there be no doubt or guess-work at the idea that you'd prefer to get to know them.
I've encountered some guys who just wink and not send message. I think they're testing the waters? So I message them first (well after their wink) I think guys are also guarded because of the "humiliation of rejection" as rambo mentioned.
I personally am not comfortable with making the first move (because of my upbringing too). But hey, this is an international platform, more diverse culture, so sometimes, I muster the courage to write. I'm learning!
But ladies who grew up being taught to wait for a man to say hello first are still kinda stuck in that parental rule. It's part of us now and this makes it difficult to approach a man so if the guys are also feeling uncomfortable in approaching a lady first, Then don't y'all think we in trouble?
I don't think it makes any difference, if you see a profile and your interested in getting to know the person behind it send a message. There's no point joining a dating site and then sitting on your hands...
