I am relatively new here and so far the men that like to talk to me are predators.
They always want to view me and that I view them... When I do turn the camera on or view them... They start showing inappropriate things.
So, I tried to be wiser. When they ask me to turn on my camera or ask me to view them. I don't accept it. When I try to explain my predicament and what I have experienced with other men, they still insisted and were insensitive. They would not want to talk anymore.
It really breaks my heart because this is supposedly a Christian website. But it seems like some men here are just predators.
Please don't get me wrong. I am not a catfish and I am who I am in my profile, but I can't seem to find someone who just wants to talk for a while and get to know each other.
Look over a guy's profile carefully. Examine what he writes and what it implies. Look at whether he belongs to a church. What kinds of pictures does he post? See if anyone favorited him.
On the man's side, we have to deal with scammers. You are going to have to deal with the desperate.
I encourage all women to remember that for each boy you turn aside, you are closer to the man you deserve. Be thankful he reveals his true nature early on.
Know yourself. Don't settle for less than what you want. There are psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists--they proclaim to be Christians. Paul warned of these people in the NT, so it should be no shocker to anyone.
I would suggest you read a book called "How to Spot a Dangerous Man" by Sylvia L. Brown, and another book called, "The Human Magnet SYndrome" by Ross Rosenberg.
Also, Google search the word Narcissist and you'll see a list of traits of these personality-disordered folks, who, btw, troll dating sites all the time.
Big Red flags? Watch out the ones who come on strong with charm, and sob stories about their hard life or "crazy ex", and those who live a long distance from you--don't substitute a text message/phone call for a relationship.
Also, look for patterns and how they talk about other people. Do they compare you to others in their life? RUN! Do they tell you how to think, feel or behave? RUN! Do they push for marriage without knowing one another for more than a year? RUN! There is no way on God's green earth that you can truly know someone in less than a month, and emotional manipulators can only hide their true natures for about 3-6 months until they begin to devalue and discard you like a tossed barn rag.
Also, check www.psychopathfree.com This stuff is real and I'm not making it up. It is my story and I will not be quiet about it.
I have been on this site since 2009. I have a woman who is just a friend that I met on this site. She is on my facebook page- I never mention sex to her- I am just a friend. I have a habit of just being friends even thou I may want more. I do not like to be pushy. It is who I am.
Pink_Starburst has written some very good advice. Thumbs up!
If somebody wants to get on camera with you, that's actually the best way to verify them to make sure they exist and are real people. Some people fall in love and start to have feelings for these people whom they have never talked to on Skype. And it turns out some black guy in Nigeria is posting under a fake name. and they fall for it. Never get attached to people you have not seen on camera. But don't fall into the other extreme where you want to get on camera with strangers right away. That is not smart. You have to get to know them first. Allow them to talk about themselves and ask questions. And if you feel okay about it, then maybe 1-2 months later you can get on Skype and have a video conversation. You cannot get to know someone in less than a month. And you need to be friends before you get on camera with someone.
If you meet someone and they want to get on camera right away, tell them that you don't get on camera with strangers.
However, if you have been talking to someone for awhile, and this person seems okay, then you do want to get on camera, because if you don't, you may be talking to a scammer.
Always look for inconsistencies and things that don't add up. And always keep count of the red flags. If you have too many red flags, end the conversation.
"It really breaks my heart because this is supposedly a Christian website. But it seems like some men here are just predators."
Yes, of course. It's a Christian website, but nobody is at the door asking questions, trying to figure out who is a Christian and who isn't. So, ANYBODY can sign up.
The bible says "you may know them by their fruits"
1, Pay attention to the language (the kind of words the person uses) in your conversations
2. Does the person immediately request your pictures?
3. The person starts requesting for explicit pictures of you.
4. The person is not interested in answering questions about his intimacy or relationship with God.
5. The person begins the conversation with "you're beautiful, you're gorgeous, I love you,, I'm interested in you" (you cant claim to love someone you don't know anything about.
6. The person sends you pornographic pictures of other women or of himself.
The above listed points and others that some other people have shared and would continue to share are all red flags to know that the person is not of God and is a predator.
predators always look for the door, on dating/friendship sites that door is obvious, the need to connect on a meaningful level, we are vunerable when we open up our hearts, what does the word say ? the heart is deceptive, don't put your trust in princes and mortal men, don't awaken love until it is the right time.....
That's a pretty big door ! the gateway to our hearts and confidences, be wary ! I don't skype, well to be fair I don't have a web cam, yet I am asked to skype with anonymous no picture members ? if our hearts and confidences are a gateway how much more so a webcam ?
to be fair we are all asked to fit a certain personality type by using this service, some people excel at social media and some don't,, it's just the way it is I guess you could look at it like one of the gifts, so if you are not so good at it, it doesn't mean you are less of a person, it's just that those skills are not written into you.
Dating websites are an unbalanced and wobbly platform, you are going to find it hard to sift the wheat by the very nature of the way dating sites work, so whats the answer ?
do as you are doing and don't go it alone, be accountable., we are called to walk within a body and not on our own, that way you have someone who is not only validating what you are doing right or wrong but also helping you to navigate a slightly disconnected way of communication that is the modern internet, a 3 cord strand, many counsellors.....
chat on the live chat section, exchange emails, be wary of fast movers keep your pulse in check and have a good time anything else...well that's what brothers and sisters are for...to share the burden
