...the women to make the first contact. I have seen it time and time again on the profiles, men asking the women to wink or message them. Not all the men are like this but several are. Is it just something to say, being open, or are men tired of feeling like they always have to make the first move? Just wondering.
I prefer to make first contact myself, for that is more in line with conventional roles and cultural expectations. HOWEVER, we are in an online environment and that is a different thing from meeting at a party or event in the real world. There is a chance that I will never see the online profile of someone who might actually turn out to be a good match. If she spies my profile, therefore, I am happy for her to initiate first contact. Just because I failed to notice someone, clicked the wrong checkboxes to find that particular one, is no reason why we should not meet online.
I'm not sure that is the kind of reasoning you are seeing when guys ask to be contacted. I do not spend time looking at guys' profiles. But that is why I would say something of the sort. I don't have that in my profile, but maybe I ought to add it--just a short note to say that I am open to being contacted by women who are curious about me.
LOL I actually see what you are saying. Part of my problem when writing that post, which I did not mention, was the number of guys who ask to be contacted but never reply. I understand if they don't feel we are a match, that's cool. One gentleman I winked at just sent me a short note thanking me and letting me know he didn't think we were a match. I really appreciated that. It let me know where I stood right away and he was polite and considerate. I was a bit frustrated I guess, LOL. I don't know, maybe women do the same things too. I give everyone a response. No one wants to be left hanging. ave a nice day. Thanks for the reply.
I agree with Anglicostal. I was trying to decide how to say it ... and read his answer through. He pretty much said everything I would have. Probably better than I would have.
I have to confess, nearing the end of my sentence in federal prison, a nurse asked me, "So, are you gonna go out and find you a girl as soon as you get out?"
I responded, "Nah", <brief pause> "I'll wait for her to find me."
Looking at me with a smile, she says, "I like that."
Although, I don't say anything about contacting me first in my profile, the Lord knows the desires of my heart and since my ways are committed to Him, He shall bring it to pass by giving me my desires. Psalm 37:4-5.
Therefore, for that reason is why I don't write anybody on this site first.
Sometimes you have to wait and sometimes you have to take action.
I have a small hatered for emotional games, a woman that really wants to play them can go find a corner and play with herself for all I care. As long as it's genuine and not just "I will throw a lot of mud against the wall and see what sticks" I actually WANT a woman to take the initiative if she feels like it.
There is variation in personalities; some guys are shy and some are not, some like to know if a lady is interested before they risk rejection, sometimes it's all of the above.
Society; the model that humanity has followed up until recent times is that the man is the stronger go getter and the woman is the home maker, whilst that is an extremely blunt position you have to ask the question, is it ? have men been emasculated and had their traditional roles pushed to the side ?
I think that there is a lot to courting and courtship today, what we considered and were taught as children is not the world we live in today and men are having to rediscover their position in society add to that having to figure out who we really are and you have a few schisms.... I like to look at the Biblical model, we all have our gender instituted roles, makes sense and eases societal congestion...but..... we have the likes of sarah, jael, mary etc etc the roles that the biblical women of old fulfilled are not what we would call weak, a good wife.... hmm... all of a sudden what we would call traditional roles are already spinning again !... so the reality is what we expect, what society tells us, the variation we find in people and what the bible tells and shows us can create confusion within everyone, so perhaps the way we look at the whole man/woman/roles thing is wrong; no one wants to look silly or be percieved as a little too forward, uncaring, socially inept a neanderthal etc etc or unbiblical.
Should I, shouldn't I, will she, won't she, will I be misinterpreted, I just wanna connect, I just wanna talk the list goes on...
Communication via the written word is not everybodies cup of tea, it's a skill we take time to learn or are gifted with, in a lot of respects modern communication methods really suits certain personality types and handicaps others, the eloquent are rewarded and the less eloquent are considered to be less, the game is skewed towards a certain type of personality and not everyone can hit that mark, it's not the best way to gauge a person, that doesn't mean they are any less of a person, it's just not their forte or thing, a kind of unwritten rule, don't show that you aren't good at the game.
I know I just added a whole new layer of confusion, but then that is the beauty of humanity, it takes all sorts to make up a body.
I would like to add that all the comments above are valid, I especially liked Anglicostal and MobsterSavedByGrace's responses.
There is variation in personalities; some guys are shy and some are not, some like to know if a lady is interested before they risk rejection, sometimes it's all of the above.
Society; the model that humanity has followed up until recent times is that the man is the stronger go getter and the woman is the home maker, whilst that is an extremely blunt position you have to ask the question, is it ? have men been emasculated and had their traditional roles pushed to the side ?
I think that there is a lot to courting and courtship today, what we considered and were taught as children is not the world we live in today and men are having to rediscover their position in society add to that having to figure out who we really are and you have a few schisms.... I like to look at the Biblical model, we all have our gender instituted roles, makes sense and eases societal congestion...but..... we have the likes of sarah, jael, mary etc etc the roles that the biblical women of old fulfilled are not what we would call weak, a good wife.... hmm... all of a sudden what we would call traditional roles are already spinning again !... so the reality is what we expect, what society tells us, the variation we find in people and what the bible tells and shows us can create confusion within everyone, so perhaps the way we look at the whole man/woman/roles thing is wrong; no one wants to look silly or be percieved as a little too forward, uncaring, socially inept a neanderthal etc etc or unbiblical.
Should I, shouldn't I, will she, won't she, will I be misinterpreted, I just wanna connect, I just wanna talk the list goes on...
Communication via the written word is not everybodies cup of tea, it's a skill we take time to learn or are gifted with, in a lot of respects modern communication methods really suits certain personality types and handicaps others, the eloquent are rewarded and the less eloquent are considered to be less, the game is skewed towards a certain type of personality and not everyone can hit that mark, it's not the best way to gauge a person, that doesn't mean they are any less of a person, it's just not their forte or thing, a kind of unwritten rule, don't show that you aren't good at the game.
I know I just added a whole new layer of confusion, but then that is the beauty of humanity, it takes all sorts to make up a body.
I would like to add that all the comments above are valid, I especially liked Anglicostal and MobsterSavedByGrace's responses.
We are all Gods creation ..it may differ in beliefs and culture...as human nature with need a man or woman in our life as partner..choosing the right one is quite differrent.some experienced pain and rejection...but dont stop on your journey.have faith theres a gods will for you...joy and happiness is with in your hand...pray for it as what i do...God bless
