I'm curious, I've seen a lot of guys on this site whose idea of a good (first?) date is very...classy. Why? Why spend all that money on a girl who might decide she doesn't like you? Or put all that effort in to woo her if you're not going to keep it up forever (because frankly, few people's pocketbooks can afford to keep up that kind of treatment of another person for very long)? Perhaps I am odd but I really don't understand the point of "traditional" romance-you know, fancy clothes, fancy restaurant, hushed voices, food you can't pronounce, googly eyes. But, it seems a lot of guys want that.
What is the long term appeal of romance?
I guess I see it as something temporary and therefore a kind of deceptive. Like, "I'm going to treat you really great for a little while and make you think that's who I am in hopes that if I put all my effort in now than I'll 'win' you and won't need to put in any effort or treat you well later." I always find myself intensely uncomfortable in 'romantic' settings because I feel like the guy isn't being himself and I'm not only not allowed to be myself but I owe him for treating me like that.
Ah, but on the flip side I think that's probably an unfair assessment. Surely there's another reason for romance? Please enlighten me.
Darn, you figured us out!!:laugh: If you're going to go fishing you have to use what bait you think the fish will bite. And just like with fishing, those super fancy, romantic first dates are artificial bait. It might look good but once you take the bait it's not what you expected. Some guys will promise you the world and then you'll be lucky to get a happy meal.
One thing you can say for them though, they have great imaginations:ROFL:
This is a really deep topic and not something I can really whip out an answer to off the cuff, but i will try.
I agree with you, but I dont. I guess I feel strongly both ways. Really. An essential part of romance is illusion. Is there truth in illusion? Is there illusion in the truth? The problem is, only time will tell if your effort is worth it.
But look, romance is in the bible, i.e. song of songs
and it is built right into nature, i.e. the mating rituals of the animals where the male impresses the female with it's flashy colored wing or whatever and it dances around.
You see, marriage is a picture of christ and the church. which is perfect. romance is what leads up to marriage.
Now the actual asthetics of it all, how you go about it and such, well that all depends on the individuals. I think romance is crucial and inevitable, indespensible, but it must be pointed and have a purpose beyond (wayyyyyy beyond) the bedroom.
The lord woo's his Bride with his loving kindness, its by that kindness that we come to repentance. So romance is almost figurative of salvation. Almost like you are saving the woman you love 8) Like Jesus woos the bride.
I know that for me, romance isn't dead, and I do intend to "keep it up" after marriage. But - I see your point about expensive dinners and stuff - I would probably still do that, but you're right - you can't afford it all the time. I'm more of a "courting" kind of guy, but I'll use the word "date" here: Certainly not every date I'd take a girl out on would be candlelight dinner. I'm there to spend time with her - so a walk along the shore is just as good as a candlelight dinner, and it's free!
But - to more answer your specific question, I know I was told that was what won a girl's heart - and kept her feeling warm and special after marriage - was things like expensive dinners.
To me, romance is an expression of how this person is special to you. I'm not romantic with anybody else. But my idea of romance is a lot more than just expensive dinners - it's little things; a note. My favourite is making those silly little picture messages where you have to interpret the pictures, add and subtract letters to get the message, and send messages like "I've fallen for you like a blind roofer." Ha! That'll take her forever to figure out!
Also, a "first date" - well, I'm a "friends first" kind of guy; so I aim for something casual - but then other women on here write that it should be something special; it's the equivalent of "going to the prom" or things like that.
So maybe the answer isn't so black and white, as you (for example) feel uncomfortable with a fancy date.
You've got me thinking now, you know that?
It seems it would be specific to the Lady; what does she want? And how would I know? I guess I'll ask - or pay a little closer attention to what she wrote about her first date in her profile!
Here is the deal. the "Romance" is like gardening. the Husbandman (gardener) is trying to grow something. the man,Adam, was created to work God's garden. and he was given a companion to do so. :dancingp:
But if it is overdone on a first date he maybe trying too hard. Or seen as seeking to plant something before its time.
Man was made of the dust of the earth, i.e. a piece of dirt, he should not act like one. :angeldevil:
Eph 5:33 says husbands should love their wives. And wives should respect the husbands. Basically guys want to be appreciated (respected). :bouncy::bouncy: That is why they seek to make such a good first impression. And women too, want to be Loved. :hearts: :hearts:
Romance is a great tool to grow this. :glow: Not at the beginning. But after it is mutually accepted and they both seek it. :waving:
In other words Romance is not the starting line but the Finnish line.
I guess I connect the idea of "romancing" a woman as doing a 500 meter sprint (to the marriage bed). Like, running fast and hard, only to stop, gasping and holding his side, and say "what? you expect me to even *walk*? I suppose I've seen a lot of deception and I kind of think that by avoiding "romance" I can avoid that too. If the man intended to keep it up in some from for the entire relationship (obviously I don't mean every day, unless being nice and thoughtful is being romantic, and then I'd want that every day) I would have no problem with it, if it's a means to an end and entirely temporary than I don't want a bit of it because it would hurt twice as bad when it was taken away. I do think that romance is a great way to win a woman's respect though, and I can see the end in that, as long as the guy understands that just as respect can be won, it can also be lost.
