Author	Thread: Talking to multiple women??
luvinpray View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 7 Aug, 2014 03:47 PM Guys, I know this is online dating, so many of you might be talking to multiple women. But here is my situation. Sunday I met a guy at a singles church group. I had seen him before, but never talked to him until then. We chatted and I ended up having a bible study tuesday and he showed up. Well after the bible study he asked me if I wanted to get dinner with him. We went to a restaruant and ate, and he payed. He opened doors, and was very gentlemen like. Well Last night we went to dinner for a second time. I enjoyed the time mostly, I think he is a nice guy, but his perspective on dating is not like mine. He told me that what we were doing wasn't a date. We were just friends and getting to know each other. He also told me that he has two other lady friends he is getting to know. One he ended up meeting up with after me. (That's a whole other story..because he wants more with her but she won't commit). So I told him I'm not interested in this game he is playing. So my question is, Guys is it normal to date like this? He is not kissing girls, or hooking up with him. But he is talking to 3 different girls. Sometimes texting them at the same time, etc. IDK just seems to me like he doesn't know what he wants, and he is just enjoying the attention? He told me that I should "talk" to multiple men, just be friends and get to know them before being serious. I don't think I have it in me to do that. On the one hand I believe God will bring me my mate at the right time. (This man doesn't believe that). On the other hand I do agree you need to be more sociable and build friendships. I guess I still have a lot to learn about men. lol. Post Reply
TravisjustTravis View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 8 Aug, 2014 11:26 AM I think I might agree with the guy on that one. If a guy comes out and says "this is not a date" and the purpose of what I am doing right now is so that I can get to know you better. Not only do I think that you should not be offended, but I also think that single people should adopt a similar view. I think what the guy is trying to do is trying to better understand someone before he enters into a committed relationship. It does not sound like he is trying to "play the field". If he was trying to be a "player" he would not have told you that he was just wanting to get to know you as friends. He also would have not told you that he was trying to get to know other girls. In my opinion, my hat goes off to the guy that does not try to jump into a relationship. I think people would develop healthier relationships if more people approached a potential dating relationship like that guy! (As a side note, I think that you probably want to spend more time with that guy because he sounds like a decent guy to me!) Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 8 Aug, 2014 12:36 PM You should go with your instincts on this guy. I think the guy is setting himself up to be confused. He is spreading himself thin. Dating is NOT something a follower of Christ should be doing period! The natural way to get to know a person is by being around them as a friend with other friends. Keep it in group settings until the Holy Spirit leads you another way. Over time by focusing on Christ (Bible studies,church bbq ,outdoor events, etc) you will either gravitate to each other or you wont. By hanging out in groups you get to know someone naturally and nothing is forced. How that person views things will come out in conversation. By hanging out in groups you will in time know who it is that you should accept an invite. Be selective. You owe that to yourself! Dont accept a one on one till you KNOW that he sees eye to eye on all things that are important you. When we walk another way other than the way Christ is leading; we miss what God has for us!! Be selective!! my two cents... Blessings!! Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 8 Aug, 2014 12:44 PM "One he ended up meeting up with after me. (That's a whole other story..because he wants more with her but she won't commit)." So this statement alone proves my point!! The guy had the gall to tell you he is pining after another!!! You were his sounding board sister Maybe he went with you to try to make the other gal jealous and force her hand? Be Selective!! Take your time and let God lead!!! You are worth it!!! Blessings! :purpleangel: Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 8 Aug, 2014 12:46 PM Sorry for answering in the "ask guy" section! I couldnt help myself. This was actually a question for women. imho.... :bouncy::bouncy::bouncy: Post Reply
luvinpray View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 8 Aug, 2014 06:29 PM I have to agree with Hidden. Because while we were at dinner, she was texting, and he was and showing me what she wrote. So I think part of it is he does want her, but she doesn't want him. so this is partly a last ditch effort to get her jealous, but he is also curious and wanting to meet new girls. But also he told me a few days later that after I left from the restaurant he went home and she showed up at his house. That was after 9:30pm Idk He is also on dating sites that are not christian ones. Regardless I think I did the right thing by not hanging out with him anymore on a one on one basis. That being said, I was married very young and divorced, so I do tend to lack social skills especially around men in church groups. I tend to be a tad awkward. This has showed me that I should get to know people more especially at the social outings. (I don't like small talk at all). lol. But small talk at first is really the only way to get to know someone. I did take the step and ask one of my guy friends at church to get coffee with me. He said yes, so that should be interesting. Also there is a singles meetup group that I signed up for, they get together for social outings, so I might try that. Who knows maybe God will heal my social awkwardness and I will become a social butterfly? lol. Thanks for the advice. Post Reply
TravisjustTravis View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 8 Aug, 2014 07:38 PM It sounds like that there was part of the story that I did not know. :) Like I said before, I think it is a good idea for any relationship to be built on friendship! But it kind of sounds like this guy that you are talking about does not even understand what friendship is (but then again it seems like more and more people do not understand how friends should treat each other.) You said that you were socially awkward...well sometimes I am just plain old awkward! Just learn what the bible says about how to be a good friend (that is to say see what the bible has to say about LOVE) And pray for discernment: dis�cern�ment noun \di-ˈsərn-mənt, -ˈzərn-\ : the ability to see and understand people, things, or stituations clearly and intelligently Post Reply
dunravin View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 8 Aug, 2014 11:01 PM Maybe. What an incredibly ugly word when used in the context of presupposing what some other persons' motives may or may not be. A little bit of mind reading seems to be going on so go back to basics. You have already gone to dinner with him a couple of times so ask him what his intentions are, and while you ask that question of him ask it also of yourself. The unadulterated reality is that you just don't know and here is an opportunity to grow emotionally. As for the 21st. Century construct of dating being extra Biblical as has been suggested, well perhaps it is, in a very narrow context. The context of cultural identity. Post Reply
TravisjustTravis View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 9 Aug, 2014 01:43 AM I am confident that GOD is able to heal us, but the question that I think that you should ask is why are you "socially awkward" Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 9 Aug, 2014 02:41 AM Honestly being friends with a lot of people to see which of them you would want is "good old fashioned" hedging your bets. It's stupid and devoid of faith in God having a plan for you. Post Reply
Apostelle View Profile History	Talking to multiple women?? Posted : 9 Aug, 2014 08:02 AM The only people someone needs to "get to know" are people they just met. People you just met are called strangers. "Friends" are not strangers. So, if he "needs to get to know you", you are not friends. One of my "pet peeves" are people who instantly assume that you are friends. Personally, I do not date more than one woman at a time. First, I think that that is disrespectful. Second, it reduces problems when, for instance, you say, "Did you enjoy dinner, Jan?",... and her name is Barbara. :laugh: Just my $0.02. Post Reply

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