Goodevening . I just have a question and am seeking opinions , all are welcome . If you were corresponding with someone that seemed very interested in pursuing you , and after taking the time to write them a lengthier /more in depth message and you didn't hear from from them anymore......They remove you off their favorites list ,(which one has to go out of their way with intentions to do so), what would you make of this ??? I had someone do this to me , he was sort of rude and didn't bother even replying back a quick hi , nothing , just silence.He purposely removed me from his favorites......Which I will admit I thought was a little shady , I did nothing to deserve that. He was silent for about a week , then he called me out of nowhere !!! I am thinking he didn't like me anymore , and did some shopping around , probably talking to other women . An oh how big of him to give me a chance realizing that there are few prospects that meet his requirements. I also would like to add that he is from another country , supposedly here on a work visa . He isn't American /citizen, which some might say what does that matter . I think it does to an extent , it raises my doubts & creates a bit of distrust/suspicion to be honest.
My maine focus was that he removed me off his favorites so easily /rudely, after I wrote him a nice letter on here . To just be dismissed like that after telling him more about who I am , hurt my feelings and concerned me as to the kind of person he is . I felt he was playing mean games , so I blocked him . He decides to call me , days later..........Mentioning that I blocked him . He acted innocent and didn't really own up to his part .
I believe God protects me by providing me with enough sense to keep jerks away . I have also experienced prayer in that I have asked God about someone's intentions , to have that person reveal who they truly are very soon afterwards. I know God loves me & is here for me , no doubt it has been proven . My question is , do you think God is having me pay attention to the ''favorites' issue , (as little as it may seem) , because in fact it is not so little after all ? Is this God's way of showing me the truth in the matter ? Or should I continue talking to this guy ? He is very handsome , has a great degree & career , (so he claims) , why is he single at 31 ? Granted I am still single myself , but haven't you ever wondered if someone is so incredible then how come they are still on the ''market'' ??? There MUST be a reason. Does it add up ? I am skeptical & his behavior makes me question his sincerity.
If anyone has experience with any of this including foreign people in America , PLEASE I'd be grateful if you could respond with any advice /opinions regarding my situation .
Thank you for taking the time to read my post here !!! May God's Grace Be With Everyone Of You ~:angel:
The fact that he is from someplace other than where you are means very little. I lived in the USA for 15 years and I was always from "somewhere else" and that "somewhere else" always was the primary identifier. Always. Being from "somewhere else", a foreign land, does not make a scam artist, nor a criminal, nor a wife beater, nor anything else. It simply means that there is more to this planet than the myopia selectively practiced by people who have made a serious practice of xenophobia and intolerance.
Perhaps the "shady" part may reflect that you appear to have invested in this currently non-existant relationship emotionally, just an observation; and if I am wrong ...well that is ok by me. ..being wrong means that I have the opportunity to grow (perhaps).
Being on a student visa, may simply mean that he is a student. You state that you take this sort of stuff to the Lord...Well...lay out your fleece...bring the test to the Lord and hear His answer.
Thanks for your response . I would have to disagree with you on a couple of points you made . In fact , I found what you shared very troubling .
First of all , I was not nor am I now , as you state , ''emotionally involved''. I interact /correspond with people on/off the internet all the time . I was casually replying to his strong pursuit of me , until he ran cold for no reason . This inconsistant behavior was/is a sign to me that he may not be reliable, stable, sincere, trustworthy . I keep my distance , and take caution . I barely know him , so I am not emotional . What I found to be sketchy , was that he went out of his way to remove me from his favorites . An why , I showed him nothing but kindness and tried to let him know me & give him a fair chance . I consider this respect , not emotional involvement . I felt I should clarify that !!!
As for where he is from , being from somewhere else , of course that has to do with it . A relationship can be hard enough , that it doesn't need the added stress of suspicion !!! An yes , foreign people living in America could have ulterior motives . For instance , using Americans for green cards and citizenship through fraudulent marriage . Many lie about their work visa's /student visa's , and you obviously are very naive as to how many overstay & get comfortable . This is illegal . It isn't racist or xeno whatever you called it , because it isn't against one type of race and is not against those who go through legal means to reside in the U.S. I would suggest you do a little research on the subject of those who scam Americans into marriage with the intentions of gaining citizenship . You hold a bias opinion , because you are foreign yourself . So you are not going to want to see the situation from an Americans point of view. You just label with offensive terms rather than calling a criminal a criminal . Foreign or not . Not being a citizen is not a factor one who is a citizen , should ignore , as you imply .To do so would be very careless & stupid . Many foreign people have wives /husbands & children they don't tell you anything about . An that has everything to do with ''being from somewhere else'' , they have had a whole other life far away . An that makes Americans like me , vulnerable and in a tricky position . Makes it easier for them to hide a lot about themselves , their past , many lie about being married or having been married . I have experienced that myself . Americans aren't able to hide so well , and with our families here ,it's what you see is what you get !!!
I think your advice is a little irresponsible , a lot of foreigner's these days only come to America for self-interests ,(economic). They are not out to be loyal to me or the country . Nothing racial about it . This man displays some of the warning signs characteristic of one trying to con marriage so he can possibly remain here . Although some /all of that could be lies designed to lure women in .I still have a feeling you would call me xeno- phobe,(I don't believe there is such a thing) , even if he did turn out to be a criminal . Which on the internet there is a very high chance he is out for something . I could list some of the warning signs , but I won't bother because you seem rather partial /bias in your feedback . Even after I mentioned his dubious behavior , you are fixated on racist ideas regarding foreign immigration . I don't care if he were an alien from Mars , it's not a race issue but a crime issue !!! Don't hide behind false prejudices just as foreigner's hide their dirty laundry ''back home'' !!! Americans need to be cautious , when it comes to involvment with foreigner's living here or abroad . Why don't you go call these criminals names , since they are the ones making all of you look bad !!! Focus your name-calling insults on them rather than those of us who react to what they do to us , with caution .
You asked for opinions...opinion was given.You disagree with the opinion given, ok. Clearly you have a predisposition to believing this chap is "shady" so why bother to ask the question.
One serious thing to examine in the diatribe you have blurted out is the question of immigration. Not everyone wants to live in the United States. Some people come and some people go. Some go to study and some go to find a new life for themselves; and the United States was founded on the words etched into the Statue of Liberty, a message to the masses....that is the reality of its founding...people wanting a new beginning...in a land stolen away from the native peoples. That however is another argument for another day.
I said before to take your "fleece before the Lord". Let Him be the Lord of Grace...He will give an answer.
I think you are way overthinking this, as is common and normal for women to do. Men usually don't have six different levels of hidden agendas.
As for marking you off the "Favorites," did you ask him why, or just come here to ask everyone else?
I use the Favorites thing no so much for favorites, but for a bookmarking system. Just because someone is in my favorites, doesn't mean I want to date them. However, it does put them on a shorter list, which I can review later, when I have time. And if I have already gotten her private email and phone, why would I need to bookmark her anymore?
Sometimes, it's better to read someone's profile, then wait--rather than respond right away.
The answer to your question, "how could someone so incredible still be single?" is easy for all decent, unmarried men to answer. It is the Nice Guy Syndrome.
Nice guys can hardly ever get first dates, and even more rarely second dates because women are always looking for the "bad guy." You know, the guy who is exciting, edgy, a bit risky, and half-ignores his girlfriend by not returning calls promptly, giving short answers to emails, etc. The stuff you hate, but keeps you on the hook, worrying, wondering.
Nice guys have the problem that you always know where they stand, so there's no reason to worry about them.
The nice guys are chivalrous, kind, attentive, and not trying to get into a makeout session on the first date. They also don't try to buy a girl's attention by showing up in a Ferrari, and buying dinner at the nicest restaurant in town, and giving them expensive gifts too soon in a relationship.
Thus, women won't go out with them because they feel smothered by the chivalry, or assume the guy doesn't like her because he kept his hands to himself like a gentleman and Christian, should.
Finally, if you are not "emotionally involved" with this guy, then why does it bother you at all? The fact is, it bothers you a lot. Furthermore, if you are emotionally close enough to him to give him your personal phone number, you are either very interested in getting to know him better, or you are misleading him to think you are.
Not to take away from the OP's topic of discussion and question here on the men's side, but I've been blessed to be a US citizen now residing in the Bahamas. And to tell you the truth, I've never found it to be a question of whether a brother was from near or a far, but in time, eventually, his character would come shining thru which then I would respond or react accordingly......period! And that's been whether met here on line or in person!
Ohzone.....I just wanted to comment on your opinion regarding the "nice guy syndrome". I consider myself a women who, particularly at this stage of her life, wanting ONLY to engage in a relationship with a gentlemen whom you've described(smile)! Someone who has great integrity and deep rooted Christian values! Sorry but I'm not into the "bad boy" type and I don't think I ever really was even since a young teenager! Be very careful how you clump ALL women into a particular character grouping! And yes I do understand that a lot women fall into your grouping as well as a lot of men do too! This is why were all here, assumingly, to shift the wheat from the tare(smile)! God bless.
Magdelena80......I hope your experiences here didn't lead you to your decision to not be active pursing a mate here, based on what you wrote in your profile! But if so my sister, always go with your spirit and gut when making these type of important decisions! What works for you, works for you, no matter what others say! May His will guide and direct your path...in all things! Stay blessed.
Maybe you said something that he didn't like, letting him know that you aren't as compatible as he first believed.
You didn't do anything wrong, it seems, you were just being honest. Try not to take it personally because it might start effecting you, making you doubt yourself, etc.
He might have done a little more searching before coming back to you, but it does sound like if there is doubt there then you are probably safer just not getting involved.
As for myself, I find the whole "favorites" thing quite shameful. It's like being in a marketplace and placing an "I am interested in you" sticker on people who you think may be a lovely match. Servants of the Lord aren't objects to be coveted lol. You may be other people's favorite too, but you wouldn't know it if they thought the way I did until you got to know them better.
"I think you are way overthinking this, as is common and normal for women to do. Men usually don't have six different levels of hidden agendas. "
Brother, this was an unfair comment.
Women DO think differently but thats not to say that all over think things. Just as not all men are created equal neither are women! I wouldnt go as far to presume that "men usually" do not have "six diff levels of hidden agenda".
I'm in the same situation as yours. In my situation I'm very sad as he keeps silent with me and I think there is always reason behind.
I came to ask him why and I also let him know that I'm interested in him but he said that friendship is always a good option even thought he confirmed with me that he still likes me. Everytime I met him, he was always nice and kind but we just stopped at kissing on the cheeks. Nothing more and our friendship takes more than 2 years.
I pray God to let me know what I should do and I think that God always wants the best things for us. We dont know what future holds but God do because He is our Father.
At this moment I have serenity in my heart. I dont contact him anymore and we're still friends on facebook. I pray for him so he can have happiness in life.
So I can smile now. And I hope you will be ok soon.
God will bring princes for his daughters because we are princesses.
I tend to agree that women over-think things - my own opinion of course - but look at how many posts are here in this very forum from women along the lines of "Guy said/did this - what does it mean?", and yet very few from guys asking the same question! We simply don't spend the time or energy that you ladies do wondering about how to take things, and it's kind of bemusing that you would be so bothered about the answer, as though it would be the last thing to iron out before you can be happy. Like the tides, people come and go from your life - hold too tightly and you could be swept away - instead look for the rocks that stay put whatever happens.
