Ok, question about something I have found both on this site and in every day life:
Why do you guys think you could just propose marriage in the first day or week to the girl?
I know most on this site that do it are scammers, but I have had guys do it to my face in recent years that were never on this site, and they were sincere about it.
Is it a macho thing - a manhood idea of superiority?
Is it lack of respect for the opposite gender?
What is behind your mind, guys, when you ask someone to marry you without really knowing them?
Do you really believe it is honoring to God to be so pushy?
It is not flattering when guys ask me....it hurts to know you think so little of me, thinking that I can be so easily won.
I have never proposed to anybody yet, and I cannot speak for every man in the world. But why would I do something like that? I think, I am not sure. But here are my thoughs on this: Once a person falls in love with someone, it is very hard to propose because you don't want to lose him or her. So, what do you do? You delay it and wait endlessly. That's one possibility. Another possibility is that you ask it right away because you realize that while you are not invested in this person, you have "nothing" to lose. So, you ask the question, "Would you marry me?" in all sincerity and if they say no, then you don't feel too bad about it. Perhaps these people are afraid of loss to the point they want to avoid it altogether. Or another possibility is that they are very new to the world of dating. They have no clue how to get married. Their idea is that you walk up to a girl and ask her if she would marry you. Perhaps it comes from the assumption that women are just like men. The moment I see a girl, I can tell if she is attractive to me or not. And maybe these men assume that women judge men the same way. These men think that women just look at a guy and they get an instant feeling "oh, this guy would be perfect for me!" So, maybe they falsely believe that this is how dating works--you walk up to people and ask them to marry you. LOL
I remember, there was a time when I was new to this. For example, I had no idea what the word "girlfriend" meant. I thought it meas that you have a friend who happens to be a female. I got into a huge misunderstanding one time, and I was 27 years old at the time. I should have known what it meant, but I didn't! That's when I first learned the definition of this word. People learn everything eventually. For some people, it takes more time. Some people start to learn at an older age, and that may not be their fault. So, you shouldn't judge people just because they don't know something that is obvious. We expect people to know these things, but if they don't, well, you know, they don't teach these things in church or in public school. People are expected to learn how to date on their own by trial and error. Don't worry. Just tell them that you are not going to marry them. If you feel you want to help them, just explain to them that this is not the way to do this. Remember, these people are not insane. They just never learned these things yet. :)
I am so new to dating, it is a so confusing.....and I don't know how other ladies are, but looking at a man's character and faith is what draws me to a particular person, not the outside.
Do men have this standard as well, or do they just look on the outward appearance?
I understand about there is an importance of taking care of the physical appearance, but should it be that important when the inside is searching for or starving for God?
"So that raises another question: Guys just look on what they are attracted to? I am so new to dating, it is a so confusing.....and I don't know how other ladies are, but looking at a man's character and faith is what draws me to a particular person, not the outside."
Yeah, I know. When I started dating, I assumed that girls look at a men's looks, kindness, and intelligence; and that's what attracts them. But my theory quickly collapsed, because I saw many women hanging out with ugly men who were neither sensitive nor intelligent! Haha So, I thought, there must be some other secret quality that attracts women! I did not understand how this works until I read some books about dating. And I learned that men and women are attracted by different things!
What attracts me is a pretty face and kindness. And of course, I want to find someone who is a Christian and never married and is honest, loyal, responsible, an introvert like me, and wants to be a mom, and knows how to act like an adult, and is not materialistic, not greedy. But those are just criterias. Just because someone meets all of my criterias doesn't mean that I become attracted to that person. Attraction is a different kind of thing. It is caused by something else. I may meet a beautiful girl who is not a Christian, and I will feel attracted to her. But my brain reminds me that I am not allowed to marry someone who is not a Christian, so I ignore her.
And same way, you may have a few important qualities that you want in a significant other, but those don't draw you close. For example, I guess it is important to you that your guy should have a job or a skill. So, that might be one of your criterias. But that's just a criteria. This doesn't mean that the moment you meet a guy with a job you suddenly feel attracted!
:laugh:
Men and women are attracted to each other by different things. Men are generally attracted by beauty, and women are attracted by a certain behavior. Of course, this is a very vague description. For every man, beauty looks differently. For me, there is a certain facial shape that I like. One day I put all the pictures of women friends that I find very attractive side by side like a slideshow, and I noticed that they are all very-very similar! You would think that they are all twins! Haha So, there is a certain face that I like very much. And if God helps me, and I find a wife, she is going to have a face just like that! I know I sound terribly shallow here, but this is the truth! It's kind of important to me what my wife's face is going to look like. Did you know that that they discovered that married people have similar physical features? They found that couples had similar faces, similar wrist thickness, similar distance between their eyes! Do you know why that is? I think, it's because men are attracted to women who look similar to them. So, in the end, we pair up with someone who looks like us.
And women pick a husband based on what's in his heart, so we end up in pairs where we're not just similar on the outside but we are similar on the inside too. And I think, both are important! I don't think it's wrong that we are attracted to each other by different things. I think, God made us this way for a reason. We're very perfectly designed. :)
Not all men start with physical attraction. Most of the ladies Ive courted would have been considered by most to be "plain janes" or even homely. Thats because I was raised by my mother who stressed that physical appearance was the least important thing when finding a wife. Looks fade with age. It is unfortunate that many women also base their attraction upon appearance.
A very close friend was overweight. He ate right and exercised, but could never seem to shed the pounds. He tried for two years to get a woman he absolutely adored to go out with him. She became tired of his attention and finally told him, "I dont date lard-butts". (Actually she said something else, but I will not repeat foul language). He decided to go on a crash died and literally starved himself because no other died had worked. After weeks of this, he collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital. The ER physican called his GP and suggested doing more tests. They found out that he had a problem with his thyroid and started treatment. Within a year, he was at a "normal" body weight.
The woman he had asked out noticed, complemented him on his weight loss, and asked him out. He told her no. His reason was that she couldnt see past the weight, over which he had no control, and that she had shown him her "black soul".
" Do you know why that is? I think, it's because men are attracted to women who look similar to them. So, in the end, we pair up with someone who looks like us."
If a guy proposes in the first week or two, there is something wrong with him. If the woman accepts, there is something wrong with her.
We guys are attracted to 'pretty things' - sun sets, landscapes artwork and of course woman. :)
A friend and myself once oggled over this building in downtown minneapolis - it was (and still is) a suspension building - just imagine a suspension bridge - but its a building built that way. We realized what it was and how it was built. We must of 'closely examined it' (read stared at it) for at least a half an hour.
And that was just a building!
Being pretty(external characteristics) is going to get a woman 'noticed' by guys.
Being beautiful(internal characteristics) will get a woman perused by 'quality guys'
Sometimes the two people just know that they are meant for each other, this is freakishly rare but it DOES happen. Most people that propose so early probably are desperate though, lonelyness is a scary scary thing if you start taking it for granted and then someone shows interest in you. The sudden infatuation is a shock that overloads the system in such a case.
What I meant by marriage proposals are just that, but without the ring, the promise of commitment, the getting to know each other first, the grounded relationship.
I have had two guys, one a co-worker, and another a class mate, just up and ask me to be their ONE and only, and we only knew each other for a week or so.
Yikes! It scared me!
Frankly, I still don't get why they would even think of such a thing, especially after just meeting me.
