Well my brothers, I've got to pose a similar question to you, feeding on the thread I asked the ladies regarding entertaining a relationship with an individual who indulges in alcohol consumption.
How far would you see yourself engaging with a sister who after becoming acquainted with....met and see promise, now reveals a part of her past she hadn't spoken about before, which well......is quite colorful, to say the least! She's clearly made all efforts to convince you she's been delivered, but honestly you now have some concerns/reservations. How would you proceed, if at all?
I'd go off by myself to meditate on it, so that I'd know what my conviction (knowledge that has settled) was and the reasoning behind it. I'd sort out what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling about that and make sure the two don't get mis-assigned to the thoughts that come to mind and just run through everything that I think, feel, need, and want in that situation so that would know that I have the right perspective and move in the right direction. And then pray.
That way when I get back to her I would be able to genuinely and fully accept and love her for who she is, which is most likely what I would do if it was just in her past, even if it wasn't the not too distant past, and she never did anything to me. Simply put, I'd just love on her since that's what we are called to do as Christians. When in doubt, just love people. That's how I'd see it. And if it turned out I determined that I could not pursue a relationship with her, then I/we would also know why too with certainty and not be unhealthily attached and move on to getting what we need.
R8E8....thank you for your transparent response! Let me say first that the "rhyme to my reason" in asking questions like this for both genders is that we all need to be reminded, constantly, of who we may have been and some may still be struggling with their "issues", but ALL who do believe are covered under the blood of Jesus Our Savior and Lord....period! Were ALL a work in progress, so we need to act and treat each other as if we really believe that!
Based on what sisters and brothers have said within these forum walls in regards to how they've been treated in life, which is expected of the world, to then come here to CDFF looking for at least basic fellowship and not even get that.....well it's really rather sad! Sad because the worst of their treatment seems to come from their own fellow brethren!! Now I know some folk are going to say this is not high school and whatever happens here we should just lump it or leave it! Well last I checked, we who do believe are and will ALWAYS be held to a higher standard!!! My hope is that we NEVER lose sight of that no matter where our endeavors in The Lord may take us! R8E8, please forgive me for my tantrum......I was holding that in for awhile:yay:
Your heart speaks for itself......your compassion is obvious! The sister who does win your heart will be wonderfully blessed! You be blessed my brother!
lol, what are you talking about I always think deep before I post stuff on here.
Hopefully the sister I end up with is 5'10" and works at a company who's our rival. It's the situation I find myself in these days (hence the "if he's shorter than you" question).
Joy I don't mean to take over your post dear, I only have a question for Renov. You too are welcome to share your input if having something to say.
Renov
".... That way when I get back to her I would be able to genuinely and fully accept and love her for who she is..."
A question of acceptance is a very crucial matter to me, infact its almost non existing in relationships' as far as i've observed. It goes as deep as even God when He loves us so much and accepts us for who we are when choosing Jesus as our personal savior, with time He states He's conditions/requirements of belonging to Him as He's children. That's when problems begin, trying to let go of sin which you/we did all our lives that it became normal to practice and adapting to this holly kind of lifestyle that is far beyond our nature.
Having said the above Renov, do you think we should mention to our mates (new ones ofcause since searching) that we are accepting them as they are... Though there's certain things about them that we may not approve in as much as we're not trying to chance them and not even suggesting that they change, unless its their personal decision to do so?
My question to you friend is inspired by what i've qoated from your reply, which was very good I think?
And how will this impact our relationship with God now that we're joined together as one with our mates (should we marry)?
Maybe I shouldn't withhold from you guys where my question is coming from. Joy I'm gonna diviate a little from the main asked question. I'm more keen on the subject from acceptance. Reason i'm asking if we should make known to our mates that we may have accepted them though we have concerns of certain behavior from them, that we're by no means suggesting they should change from practicing unless they wish to change.
My reason of asking is: I met this guy from another dating site a while ago. I knew for a fact that we weren't gonna be anything unless friends. He was too excited too soon about us and wanted us to spend the coming Christmas together, which was ok with me. In earliest days (i'd say in about 3days) he opened up about personal stuff that he wanted me to know sooner about him. He was 'married' traditional with a baby girl that they had before getting married. Apparently he and he's wife came a long long way from school hense they decided to do things right after they've had a baby. He's very young 32year old, was involved in a car accident which ended their relationship. Was forwarded the accident pics, it really is amazing that he made it seeing the condition of the car, and how he was in those machines. I almost didn't recognize him when comparing with he's profile pic (though it was him a little disformed and enjured).
He's recovered though he's lower body is affected and taking longer to heal. He can't walk long distances, can't even drive unless he's around he's place not far from home. Now that the lower body is affected, he's performance in bed is...... And the wife couldn't bear that. The situation got hectic that they broke up the engagement/traditional marriage, he lost he's house too apparently for he's child sake if I remembered correctly.
So he wanted me to know upfront that he has issues with he's sexuality. This created a stronger bond in us when he entrusted me with such sensitive information about him, though I could feel that we weren't suitable for each other, though I really cared about him as much as I was having my issues too to deal with. We were almost on a same boat, rejected in our hour of need for support, losing everything we've both worked hard for and starting all over. I understood him very well.
Since he was sure that he was the 'one for me and I for him' I came across of little faith in 'us' until I tested him this one time on our good night chat. I asked him to lead us in prayer before we both retire for the day. He couldn't pray online... Not even few words to God giving thanks for the day and asking for a safe peaceful sleep for both of us.
I tested him again this one time when we were suppose to meet on a date, I told him that I was broke. The date was gonna be on him, he shouldn't expect contribution from me not even a tip. He told me that he was broke too, we postponed the date.
I frequently tested him on very little things, he wasn't a leader at all. This one time he reached out during working hours, I asked if he was at work? Nope he was home. He didn't feel like reporting for work. "Are you feeling pain on your legs" I asked? Nope, he just didn't feel like reporting for work. That in me is being iresponsible
I withdrew from interacting cause there was surely nothing to expect from him/us. He's feedback was: I withdrew cause I was worried that he wasn't gonna perform in bed when married because of he's injuries from the accident. That had nothing at all to do with my reasons for pulling out, he didn't reflect a man in me.... Period!
This is where my question is coming from friends. Must we make known of 'flops' we're accepting our mated with, so that when things are not working out, we're both on a clear page that current issues have nothing to do with flops they opened up to us about?
I think that's a great idea Sisi. That honestly never occurred to me, but that is good I think. I may use this with this new potential relationship I find myself in. Sorry to hear about the less than ideal situation you had. I think you did the right thing for the right reasons at every step of the way in that though.
For me it depends I suppose, if it was a moral mistake is she the same person that made it or did she learn from it for example. If it's physical... some things you need to let a potential spouse know of sooner rather than later if only to stop unnecessary feinting and scull fractures :/ If it's something behavioral the other person will pick it up eventually anyway so it's best to explain early.
But then again my one previous relationship was with a woman that had trouble being straight forward about almost everything so I'm most likely biased.
