I feel this needs to be said and it applies to women as well
1. There's always someone better than you currently have for a mate,there's also someone better than you. The moment you drop someone for a better person, another even better person will come by and prove you wrong. Honestly tell me, are you going to be constantly breaking up with every woman as soon as a prettier face/better personality comes by? If that is your case, you should not even be dating but judging miss universe at beauty competitions!
2. The woman god has for you may not be the whole combo you desire: Lots of men think that because they are christian who follow god's word they should be "rewarded" with a wonderful beautiful woman with money, minimal problems and zero drama, well you are in for a surprise. They seldomly think their mate may even have a small disability, Oh no they should get flawless woman because god is good!
But god is also thinking of the less than perfect woman happiness and watching out for them.He gives these women with a less than ideal life a chance to meet a man that would prove to be a real man of god accepting and helping her, both towards a better relationship with H.I.M as the center of everything. Perfection as known in the secular world of dating is an oxymoron and bound to leave you single for a long time, frustrated and caught up in a web of lies regarding "The one" which by the way does not exist because sin corrupts everything.
3. Stop putting all women in the same category just because a few hurted you, stop generalizing, stop looking at us for all your faults. There are many good woman out there, totally overlooked because the bad ones seem to run all over the place, change your course, change your routine, ask someone out who you will never think of asking out, have passion in your life instead of waiting for it.
4. Give people a chance, don't stop emailing because she doesn't like hiking or singing or writing or whatever as much as you do,we are not looking for our "twins" here but someone to compliment us to serve god, get it right.
5. Passivity invites passivity, a lack of dates, a lack of everything. Waiting for a chance encounter to get you going for dates is the worst recipe to get a date. Why do American men walk around not looking at women in the eye? I have a hard time believing this has to do with any harassment laws, I think our society has failed to have friendly places for men and women to really get to each other without the dumb bar scenario.
Think about it, people go to church to pray, worship god, people go to restaurants to eat, people go to the movies to sit in front of a screen, to school to learn, to the work place to work and walking in the streets to go to any of these places without any disturbance, where then are you supposed to meet people? Our society has failed to provide friendly meeting places for men and women to hang out without distractions and everyone is paying. That is all!
"Why do American men walk around not looking at women in the eye?"
Why should we go around looking them in the eye just because she's a woman who passes us on the street or public place? I make it a point to avoid it because I'm tired of women looking at me like I'm a jerk or creep on my way to taking care of whatever it is I have to take care of. I don't need it.
I look women in the eye all the time, and all I've ever gotten out of it was for them to ignore me completely or look away nervously. I must be doing it wrong....either I'm totally intimidating or completely creeptastic. It seems like the only few times that I've gotten a normal response, like a normal "she was checking me out" or a smile, was when I was already out with a girl. Maybe that certifies me as "safe" and "not creepy" or something. A girl I know has confirmed that a lot of women do avoid looking at men as a general rule because they don't want to throw a "dog" a bone, and I really can't blame them.
Anyway, the rest is all very good advice, and I really want to emphasize the "passive" part as it applies to women. There is no place in the bible where women are supposed to sit around and wait for a man to start the relationship. Men like to feel like people are interested in them, just like women do, if not more. I'm not suggesting that you need to throw yourself at men, but it doesn't break any of God's laws to say hi or smile or send a message first if you're interested. God wants us all to be active, not passive.
American culture reaffirms time after time a culture of fear. Everyone is a potential psycho or rapist and you should not talk to strangers kind of vibe. This is so very different in another countries and I'm sure even Jesus is not pleased with all the coldness and paranoia you breath everyday in the streets. I know what you feel being looked back with suspicion, I definitely do not do that to guys but many women actually get the same thing from men, it goes both ways but people should be able to break the ice barrier and not be molded to the culture, Jesus called us to not be a part of this world. Why should one be paranoid, cold and distrustful like everyone else then? Using common sense is essential but having an open heart is even more essential...
I agree. Since writing that first post I started meditating. Not in any new age or worldly sense, but rather just practicing being more mindful and capturing every thought that comes into my head. Doing this has helped me to distance and/or detach myself from my initial thoughts, emotions connected to those thoughts, and get out of ruts that I've been in. There's still quite a bit of re-learning for me to do since I've only just started this a couple days ago, but I'm starting to soften up quite a bit on that front and not be so closed off or assuming when I encounter people.
I see that as different women responding to different men who do different things in different situations. I say we should just try to be respectful and considerate of whoever we encounter and not indulge in or get hung up on generalizing what we perceive an entire sex's attitude is based on faulty reasoning.
I know this is kinda messed up, but when a really attractive looking woman walks in at the grocery store I work at it's really funny for me to look around at my other male co-workers to see who's ogling her as they're working or lose focus on what they were in the middle of doing. I'm guilty of doing it too sometimes though I try not to for both personal and professional reasons. It's just so funny though because they think they're being sly or sneaky and not at all creepy or obvious. I know it's wrong, but it cracks me up anyway.
Your part about that men should accept woman who have drama applies to women too. I can't count the number of times a woman has ran away from me before we even go on a date when they find out I have a mental illness. People unfortunately don't want drama in their lives. And us people that have drama lose out on a happy life.
