Please bear with me dear friends, the story is longer while the question is just straight forth.
Why would an old ex boyfriend come tell me that he's getting married?
This question is influenced by a personal experience few days ago when I saw my ex boyfriend walking in my work place looking for me so he can tell me that he's getting married in few weeks to come.
This person I broke up with around 2004,
We have never communicated from that time when breaking up till now when he comes to inform me that he's committing with someone else. Didn't see a point in him doing this,
As much as I wondered how did he find out where I'm currently working....
I know that the question i'm asking you guys I should have asked him since only he knows what he's interntion is by so doing this,
I ended & dismissed the conversation as soon as I possibly could, It just gave me no sense or purpose. And was amazed at the effort of finding an ex girl friend whom he's never seen in almost 9years, only to tell her that he's getting married.
I've been wondering why would one do that, I find it very strage guys & need a guy's pespective/idea on this so atleast I can get a little understanding, if at all there's anything to understand in this.
My other ex before this one,
We've somehow managed to persue our friendship before & after breaking up, which I find amazing since we were teenagers back then. Can't put my mind in how did we managed for so many years being ex's, and still have a healthy friendship that we had before even dating. Suppose we enjoy each others company & wanna see each other progressing in life. He constantly kept me posted on he's plans, he even told me when buying a house, changing place of employment, working on getting married. It was as if my support & imput matters to him.
He's like a brother, can't even believe we ex's sometime.
I've stopped communicating now that he's officially married. Don't think the wife or any other person will understand our relationship being ex's. The last thing I need is getting calls from an insecure wife. Nonetheless I understood what we had as friends & didn't mind him keeping me posted of he's what abouts.
But this other one now, really I don't understand. (the one i'm asking you about)
Is this normal guys?
Maybe it amazes me cause I didn't expect him telling me that since we've never communicated or have a reltion of any kind after breaking up.
As always I appreciate time taken in reading this post & sharing your thoughts on this.
3. struck a chord: sometimes in relationships people talk to hear themselves talk, in doing so sometimes say very profound things that shake mates to their intercore,
bringing about all kinds of insecurities.
maybe He needed to show You He has gotten over whatever nerve was stuck ,years ago,He probably doesnt remember exactly what it was,but it brought about a " i'll show YOu " and there He was....
He may be a bit spiteful too, I'm not sure what all went on during the breakup. Insecurity, spite, wanting to see your reaction, whatever it was, I doubt it was normal behavior, so you did well in ending the conversation quickly.
I wonder if perhaps it was you that ended the relationship? Could give him satisfaction to say he's getting married (that btw means nothing, its whether the marriage lasts that counts) and you're still single - kind of a "look what you could have won" statement.
Wish him well with his new wife - statistically they're going to need it - then think nothing more of it; if the reasons for ending it were valid then there's nothing to regret.
Yep I ended the relationship with valid list of reasons which I can't recall or even want to recall right now, they matter not dear since this was 9years ago. With me its not even a question of who ended the relationship, OR who missed what by breaking up. If I really wanted to be married friend, I would have believe me.
2008 was my most hectic year, even wondered if it was my season of marriege. Every guy I met then wanted to settle down. Was often approached by guys of higher status (which is not the point right now) suppose it was more of the working environment that I was in, that associated me with people of higher class.
I (if was willing) would have married a person that would have intimated him, if I would masure guys through material & wealth. But then again my reasons of marrying would have been totally wrong. Was far less matured then, than the woman I grew up to be now. Yet I still feel marriage is not jet in my list of priorities.
If this is more of "what I missed by breaking up 9years ago" then its a shame that he even opened that chapter, fore my life would have been even better than what it is now if I teamed up with people who saw potential in me not only as a wife, but as a business partner also.
I would ask, can we really know his motives? And does his motives really matter?
It is interesting that you somehow you still have power over his life in such a way that he would seek you out. Maybe your having power over him was the killer of the relationship.
When we have that kind of power over someone it is pretty difficult to respect them isnt it?
Sorry for his wife.
I would encourage you to not allow him to have power over you in your mind over this.
The best thing is not dwell on the why and just live your life as you have. Without him.
Perhaps it's something that he felt he had to do because had a soul tie maybe, and feels he needs to cut ties.
Maybe its about him having commitment issues to the relationship at hand?
But either way, I think that some healthy boundaries might be wise. If comes again, ask him.
Suggest that he needs to be accountable to someone who is a current friend, where the relationship is current and knows him. I personally would think this to be a trust issue and that he should let his wife to be know as well.
I've made it clear on the spot that: my work place as much as its a public place,
It still is my personal space. Unless he's reasons for coming are business related, like everyone else (which I doubt they'll ever be) He must never come look for me. I'm only there for work not social updates.
