Author	Thread: Should some people not be trying to date??
Sparkley1000 View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 18 Jul, 2013 08:59 PM Not sure where this should be posted so kind of guessing. After my husband and I split started having some weird flashbacks... nothing physically invasive ......yet.. but certainly filled with intimidation (sp?), fear, and shame. Some explain some of the issues for which my husband left me. I am unsure what other memories are still buried and frankly am afraid to find out. At first I felt it was expected to remarry... now I feel that its unfair to ask or expect anyone to deal with all of it. Esp as I dont know what is unknown or if I can actually get past it and be even moderatly normal. At the same time Im a little hurt that I wasnt good enough to stay with no matter what (He did wait till he didnt need me to take care of the kids and his parents). I do know how important physical intimacy is... and Ive heard "God can heal you if...." thing for too long. Would be nice to be wanted weather I could "perform" or not... but have seen that it is unrealistic. Should broken people like me just refrain from the dating/social world?? Post Reply
View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 19 Jul, 2013 12:20 AM I felt a bit that way when my now deceased wife died maybe you need time to recuperate; am still a bit that way, apprehensive not committed:prayingm: try this site http://www.enewhope.org/prayer/prayers.php Post Reply
Sparkley1000 View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 19 Jul, 2013 12:54 AM How so? Post Reply
Sparkley1000 View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 19 Jul, 2013 12:56 AM And..been here on this site for years Post Reply
View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 19 Jul, 2013 05:31 AM Your not the problem he is. You are a woman as as such you are a responder and he is the initiator. You respond with what he initiates to you and what he was initiating shut you down, right? All that your husband did shut you down emotionally and then physically. I would even say that you probally feel shut down spiritually. You feel like the walking dead at times, right? You husband needs to learn how to love and he never was exampled how to love a woman. That is your experience. Ultimatly it ends up as abuse against you because of his increased frustration toward you and anger, right? Their is hope if your husband is willing to humble himself and work on learning how to love. I know because I used to be him. It took me over fourty years to finally become a man worthy of the love of a good woman. He is not worthy of you not the other way around. I know and understand that you have your issues also but as Christ loved us the church husbands are called to love their own wives. He obvously doesnt know Christs example for himself yet. If he is willing to sit with you and the both of your selves humble your selves before Chist lordship together that would be a great start. To read Christs words together and pray asking for wisdom together. It is possible that you two could experience the love of God together and find healing for both of your souls. Someone has to put forth the invitation. Else nothing will happen, right? God bless love you, Michael Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 19 Jul, 2013 06:03 AM You'll just need to find someone like you and/or who is considerate/tolerant, which might be hard to do, but they're out there. I'd say the best method, would be to look for someone like that, while trying to overcome your inner struggles as much as possible. Try and meet them in the middle, and make sure you're honest about your circumstances. If you don't want the physical side of the relationship, it's possible to form platonic friendships. I guess it comes down to what you want to do. If you think you shouldn't date, you can either change or simply not date. One might be harder to do than the other, but which one do you want, and how much are you willing to sacrifice? And remember that you have Christ to back you up and give you a new foundation and new strength, and most importantly, peace that passes understanding. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 19 Jul, 2013 06:53 AM Well if you�re been on this site, problem for years maybe you need to forgive and move on :waving: Post Reply
Sparkley1000 View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 19 Jul, 2013 11:08 PM Well, in attempting to keep the post short it seems I left out important info. I apologize for that. I am not still married nor will I begin another relationship with my ex-husband.... we are still friends though. He was unwilling to wait for me to wade through things.. however there was no knowledge of the repressed memories at that time. The returning memories are from childhood and therefore there is no way to research and find answers... if any are to be had. I do tell anyone upfront that I have these issues...its only fair. Post Reply
View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 20 Jul, 2013 09:02 PM That�s good I too had things that came up from childhood when grieving my wife death I had to forgive my mother, the love of family is so powerful the contrast between un- forgiveness and the love of family I found was enormous; am talking about me my experience GOD BLESS YOU Post Reply
View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 21 Jul, 2013 05:45 AM Yes, It is difficult and I can relate with strong feelings from our pasts. I too was abused and abandoned when a child. In fact over and over again. Their were many hurtful feelings God through His love have been helping me work through to find my true worth and become the man God intends for me to be. The beautiful thing is that my weaknesses are now becoming my strengths and my hurts are now becoming my ministry to others. The greatest gift from my parst experiences are the reality of my Lord and God relating with me in them. The beauty of Jesus as a man relating with me in His rejection and abandonment just one of them to mention. The reality of the intimacy between me and my God flows out of my past hurt experiences and not some strength of my own. When we peruse or should I say when we respond to God persuit of us and come out of hiding before Him we are the blessed ones for it. Their are such great richs in your hurts of the past you only need to allow God to show you the way. Post Reply
View Profile History	Should some people not be trying to date?? Posted : 23 Jul, 2013 08:35 PM Hi there.I felt compelled to answer your question.Thank you for being vulnerable.When we walk with God, we should be able to discern the seasons ,we are in.I speak from experience and with a heart of compassion.God is able to heal you from all the brokenness that this marriage has caused.We have to be healed for us to find healthy relationship, otherwise,we will attract the same dysfunction and the brokenness that we ourselves are in.I would advise that you seek a mentor or pastor that will walk with you as you move from healing to restoration.If you have a closer relationship with God, you will discern , when the season of courtship has come.Continue to soak in his love.In him, you will find acceptance and completion, not in any man. Be blessed. You are beautiful. Post Reply

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