I'm writting back to you concerning your post about "Who's willing to stand with me (you) in admitting abuse and victomization of woman..."
I'm writting separately from the asked forum simply cause you meant that for guys & i'm a girl, though can't help it but to say something.
I first wanna acknowledge your sincerity that I senced when reading your post over & over until now when I just couldn't hold back anylonger. Only a REAL MAN would humble himself & acknowledge their fault with such a heart felt attitude. Your effort may seem invain, while others may even be judging you right now BUT that matters not cause you've released what was in your heart at that time & impacted somebody (me) whose a great victim of abuse.
I'll say this again as I often do....
I love it when talking about serious issues of life that somehow affect our relationship with Christ. Such subject is one of many sensitive subjects to be spoken of, must have taken a lot from you to bring it forth in a sence of an apology, a selfless one. This not any other man can do, only a real man....
I hope that, to those who'm that massage is meant for, (could be those in your family) really find it in their hearts to eventually forgive you, for no one else's sake but for their own good & benefit.
Unforgiveness is a sinful energy that comes with a package of unnecessarily baggages that affect ones' health, while cutting off the very channel that which alone we can receive mercy from God.
Allow me please to share this with you (I get person often times when talking about such)
I come from a broken family (which I once mentioned in one of the spoken topics about weman being too choosy when seaching for a mate) that abuse was our daily bread. This year before moving out the situation was boiling unbearably. I recall this one time just few weeks before moving out, was awake around 1am (that's my usual bible & prayer time)
Couldn't pray or read my bible that night/early morning. My heart was overwhelmed with bitterness, regrets, anger & a lot of questions that had no answers. The fact of my mum passing on just after giving birth to us (me & my twin brother) was the very worst. I somehow feel things would have been far different if she was around until we were grown ups enough to be responsible for our selves.
While complaining to God about these issues & an abusive father to deal with, was led to Jeremiah 30 (my bible just opened that passage) my eyes were somehow led to specific lines that I think were God's massage to me at that point intime.
"5, We have heard a voice of trembling, Of fear, and not of peace." verse 11. "....though I make a full end of all nations where I have scattered you, Yet I will not make a complete end of you. But I will correct you in justice, And will not let you go altogether unpunished. 12, For thus says the Lord: your affliction is incurable, your wound is severe. 13, There is no one to plead your cause, That you may be bound up...."
I wanted to die when hearing those words. The shock on my face when reading,
I expected comfort from Him, not such words. I wanted to disappear from Him
But then I was strinded when thinking of Psalm 139 from verse 8-12 "if I ascend into heaven, You are there, If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wing of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea. Even there Your hand shall lead me....."
My entire body was in pain & my mind in such confusion when I carried on reading the main passage in Jeremiah 30 from 16
"Therefore all those who devour you shall be devoured;
And all your adversaries, every one of them, shall go into captivity;
Those who plunder you shall become plunder, And all who prey upon you I will make a prey.
I just couldn't bear anyone being made a prey by God, my father being in the list.
Insteanly my complaints were changed to prayer of forgiveness. Was then reminded by the Holy Spirit the only condition of being forgiven... Having to forgive all those who wounded me.
I've been at peace ever since i've forgiven. My constant prayer now is,
Asking God to lead me to genuineness of forgiveness, were I don't fake it but it flows genuinely from my spirit. (such is beyond my nature)
I have such respect for you right now for what you did, takes a transformed person to humble himself to such level of posting apology on a forum. Hope you'll get through to those you've victimized.
The Lord who seaches our inner most being,
May He shower you with much blassings, and never let your basket go empty!!
My greatest abuse was against Christ Himself. I used to use His words to manipulate others to my own interest.
But God........Knew where that came from. God knows every abuser is abusing because they are in deep need of love.
I was a empty man trying to make peope love me only to bring hurt and suffering to them. You see I was to afraid to be vaulnerable because I was hurt so deeply.
My need for love and my unwillingness to allow my self to be vaunerable caused me to seek power over others to make them love me.
But God.........In His perfect love that was expressed to me as a young child and growing in me over years has cast out fear.
It is Gods love in me that now I am full that I can actually give love. What an amazing God He is.
Not only did God love me but He placed His spirit in me that I can show those in need of love where to go.
True leadership is this. leading through vaulnerability and not force.
Praise God that I know His love aslo has been a strength in your life and will continue to grow you as a strong secure loving child of the most High God.
