Author	Thread: Is there such a thing?
EssenceofOcean View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 28 Nov, 2012 08:52 PM Hey all! Is there such a thing as to much honesty in a profile? (For example, feel free to take a look at mine..) I ask this because in my profile on CDFF I try to be upfront and lay everything out on the table. God kept nudging me to do so when I was holding back a fact about myself in my profile. So, I put that fact out there now and honestly it was a bit scary for me. It is a shame that people (a lot of the time..) aren't open-minded. However, I think the Lord has challenged me to put out there on my profile that I have a visual impairment. It is something that although true I don't like talking about much because it is not who I am really. Yes, tis a part of me however I (and we) are made up of so many parts. I feel like the Lord is saying, "Just wait, watch and trust me." Has God ever challenged you in a way before that made you nervous/a bit scary? I truthfully hate it when people say, "Hey, it's not a problem," but then I never hear from them again. However, that issue (of never hearing from others again) I'm sure is experienced by everyone at some point. What are your thoughts gentlemen and ladies? God bless and have a great day! Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 29 Nov, 2012 04:16 AM Well sister, you can never be too honest. When you lay everything out, it actually shows that you are some one who can be trusted. As for the people that don't write back or go into a cave -- forget about them. God gives us our perfect match -- all we have to do is wait upon him. Be honest, don't hold back if you feel the need to mention something. If someone can't handle that honesty -- they should jog on! God Bless Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 29 Nov, 2012 05:16 AM I suppose it depends if it's something where you need outside assistance or can still function independently. There's another post elsewhere on the forum about somebody who stutters (and I myself have a lisp) - but apart from being an embarrassment it doesn't really make us dependent on others. If your visual problem means you need the help of someone else to live normally then it is something that should be mentioned up front because if the other person does become your spouse then that's something they'll need to take on. On the other hand, if it's just an inconvenience that maybe slows you down a bit or stops you from driving, that's not really something you need to tell everyone about before they've even messaged you. Heck, if it were, everyone's profile would have lists of physical (and perhaps mental/emotional) defects, but a mature person knows not to expect perfection anyway! Don't feel guilty if you don't mention minor things in your profile - you're not lying to anyone or misleading them, it's just not the appropriate time to bring them up - don't forget anyone on the internet can read your profile, not just members of this site - do you really need the whole world to know about your handicaps before they've even decided to contact you? Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 29 Nov, 2012 09:26 AM I often wonder the same thing!! There is a big part of my past, and my testimony that I never tell anyone who doesn't already know. A friend told me that I shouldn't be ashamed and should proudly express my past because God carried me through it. However, over the last 3 years, I've become really reluctant to be open because I'm finding so many people judge me. I had gotten to know this guy, and had an amazing first date, I was excited to see where God would take it, then he inquired about my past, and when I told him, he blew me off and I haven't heard from him since (though he's still my friend on fb, wierd). Men make it so hard for a women to be up front, they either judge, say I told them too soon or not soon enough. Post Reply
EssenceofOcean View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 29 Nov, 2012 08:46 PM @DKJ I totally do understand what you mean. However, I do want to say that I live independently. The only way that I think the visual impairment "slows," me down is the fact that I can't drive and use a transportation service. And, I really can't see pictures or anything like that. Other than the things I've mentioned, that is all I can think of. @history;I'm so sorry that guys write you off once you open up and share about your past. That is not right! And, we all have a past..and, it is not how you were back then it is how you live and who you are now. I don't know your story, but maybe the guy is thinking, "Oh no, she may do that again.." or something. Just let people see you live your life for Christ! Be the city on the hill and shine the light of Jesus and lean on Him! Thank you to everyone that gave such encouraging words. I really do appreciate it. Jah..Thanks! Post Reply
Philipian View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 30 Nov, 2012 12:57 AM Essence of Ocean, I read your profile and I see the point you are making at HONESTY. Who ever said you can be too honest? You really cant. Again, can you have the Holy Spirit of God indwelling you and then be untruthful? NO...When Jesus was going, he told the 12 Disciples (who that time,, weren't born again, cos Jesus hadn't died and glorified and the holy spirit hadn't come) that He will send the HOLY SPIRIT, John 15:26 New International Version (�1984) "When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me. Again, read up John 14:26 New International Version (�1984) But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. IN clear definite terms, The Holy spirit will nudge you always to tell the truth. Again those two verses showed that apart from nudging you to be an activist for the truth, he will also teach you all things....NO man can hold you in guilt or make you feel sad because you opened up in your profile in truth. God leads you to open the truth and also teach you the truth according to the two verses. If any man leaves cos he/she read the truth, then its evidently clear, he's not the "ONE". Do not mourn, rejoice because such does not deserve you cos they do not have the HOLY SPIRIT of truth! To DJK255, its always evergreen and refreshing reading your post. Please keep up the faith! Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 30 Nov, 2012 04:37 AM The word honesty can really relate to two seperate things in relationship. Honesty in response and honesty in revealing our selves to another. We should always be honest but in relationship discovery is equally important. As we find trust in another we allow our selves to become more vaulnerable with them and reveal our lives before them. The process of revealing our selves is what builds true intimacy. As singles we all crave intimacy. This need for intimacy is what causes us to make some poor decisions as singles. When we find someone worthy of our trust then that builds security and in security we have freedom to reveal the hiddin parts of who we are that we might find love and acceptance unconditionally. Be blessed, Michael Post Reply
Philipian View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 30 Nov, 2012 08:32 AM Dear LetthisMind (be in you), I see your point. Its a beautiful moderation. As such it should be encouraged. I see that very well. We cant just open up everywhere we go for reasons we don't fully understand as to its "whys". However, in the perimeters of sister EsseceOfOceans, what she did was open up on what she considered "you need to know" for NOW. I believe as BELIEVERS, we aught to encourage such. Now its a different ball game if she had gone further and spoken other details too grave to be told on profile pages just for the "sake of its honesty" or an idea of seeking out some intimacy in whomsoever come along, then that's a different thing all entirely. But in the light of EssenceofOcean, she didn't do that. I agree with you Brother Michael, I had seen people like that who uses their stories of their past so eke out "pity", "attention" and hoping that such will make whoever come along to stick with them, but often times we had seen that such acts rather than make suitors stick in, suitors had often stayed off! My bottom line is we must be realistic to know where and when to put in our "honesty". True it will always be, there will be some honesty for the immediate. and Now, and there will be some also for the later and thereafter..... Sister Essenceof Ocean, thanks for bringing up this piece. Brother Michael (letthismind), thanks for that remark about intimacy! Post Reply
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 2 Dec, 2012 04:20 PM I agree with let there be on how discovery is beautiful, I recently talked to someone who "vomited" in our first and only 2 hour conversation. I think people do this not to be rejected. However, too much, too soon can be too much. Currently we are (dating) gathering information to decide if a person would be a good match. Post Reply
Philipian View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 3 Dec, 2012 04:07 AM Honestly DEEDEE, I like an expression you used, "too much, too soon can be too much"..You are so right. We must understand in the reasonable confines, what are the Immediate and Necessary Honest Professions and also the Later On And Compulsory Confessions. We must strike a balance. But in all these, we all agree HONESTY is IMPORTANT and should be encouraged..... Less or none of it was the reason most were returned here in the first place! Post Reply
View Profile History	Is there such a thing? Posted : 3 Dec, 2012 04:28 PM I know we think differently then men do and is not to be unusual. I do think that it should be ok to be honest about ourselves. We don't have to share too many personal things on your profile right then and there. We can save it for whenever we email with others. I think this goes for both men and women. It is good to build trust with one another, that should be ok until both people feel comfortable taking the next step. I've never been married, but I have heard something about once the "honeymoon" period is over in a couple's marriage, the truth about each other is going to surface sooner or later. Why not learn to be honest from the beginning, it might help make it less tension or less of a surprise of what we find out about our future spouses once we are around them 24/7. In Christ. Post Reply

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