Hey guys, I hope you all are doing well. If you aren't my prayer is that things will turn around for you in Jesus' name.
So ok, I have been thinking about the way we might approach one another. This is a dating site after all and we are afforded profiles to "advertise" ourselves make ourselves "marketable" in hopes that maybe we might make a friend, a chat buddy, get a date, or form something more long term, leading to marriage. Either way we may fall into one of these one categories right?
But my question is how would we like to be approached. It's funny that we have kind of made it easy for people to approach us giving little ice breakers here and there (for those who actually filled out more than one generic line), if they even choose to do so. But how would you like to be approached? When you read the profile you get a "feel" of the person so you know then whether your first message can be one of encouragement, or witty etc. But I seem to be getting messages that are forward, oh not rude or disrespectful mind you but the first message might be along the lines of blatantly saying "hey I like what I see I want us to be in a relationship so I'm waiting for a reply."
I like to reply to my messages as much as I can but these kind of messages just make we want to hit the generic "I don't think we are a good match" button, yet I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But seriously I know this is a dating site but I wouldn't want someone to just walk up to me and be like "Hey let's be in a relationship", I'm flattered for anyone to read my profile and think I'm a great catch but what about getting to me a bit better. I like straightforward people but not to the point of making someone uncomfortable.
Honestly, on this site, I don't even bother sending messages because I've yet to find someone who was both interesting and not far away.
But on other sites, I have, and there are particular messages that will get a reply from me faster.
Basically... a normal message that shows interest. Don't get sappy, don't try to propose marriage, and don't say something generic and boring and un-reply-able like "you're pretty" or worse, "do you know you're gorgeous?" Say why you messaged me.
For example, "Your profile caught my eye because [reasons]. I also enjoy [thing that made profile interesting.] What do you think about [thing we have in common]?"
Strike up a conversation like you would with anyone. Don't show too much interest, but on the other hand, don't show NONE. That may sound like I'm trying to be difficult but this is a wide, wide open field of middle of the road space.
If you message someone and propose marriage.... too much interest.
If you message someone and say "I'd like to be friends!" ... I personally don't think that's enough. This is a dating site, and we're all interested in more than friends, so being "just friends" before you've even had been in a relationship with someone is kind of harsh.
You can take things slow without being "just friends" - e.g., "I'd like to get to know you better."
I just posted almost the similar topic but mine is about who takes the first move(boy or girl) to create a rapport.
Anyways, here's what i think is the way to approach someone.
Be very clear in your messages; I know most of us are not fluent in English but bad grammer can be a huge turn-off to some people especially when it's your first time to interact.
Compliments upon looks: Recently out of the blue a guy messaged me saying he loved me 'coz i was beautiful. I didn't find that appealing 'coz it was the first interaction. Most people normally like compliments and it's okay to compliment but when you use them as pick-up lines before you've known or even met the person, they are usually a turn-off.
I would say that before we approach someone in as far as greetings/salutations are concerned, it's very important to be
as simple as possible. Greetings like, "how do you do", "how is it going", "you have a nice profile",Or even "praise God" can do INSTEAD of "hi", "hello", "hey sexy", "hey gorgeous", "hey cutie"(I have had guys say these things to me).., these aren't attractive at all if you are breaking the ice. Just thinking.....,
Well a straight forward approach would never work because it takes time and days for feelings to settle in and attraction to occur.
In business I know the direct approach let me tell you about my business does not work, instead I let people know who I am as a person which developed a major following.
I never dived into the dating arena but I know it works the same as people will be people.
I think having communications at a set level can later set the stage for possible romance later.
We all want instant gratification even I have fallen in that trap, but I realize like anything developing a meaningful relationship takes time...
Well a straight forward approach would never work because it takes time and days for feelings to settle in and attraction to occur.
In business I know the direct approach let me tell you about my business does not work, instead I let people know who I am as a person which developed a major following.
I never dived into the dating arena but I know it works the same as people will be people.
I think having communications at a set level can later set the stage for possible romance later.
We all want instant gratification even I have fallen in that trap, but I realize like anything developing a meaningful relationship takes time...
Good question, I think the best thing about what you said is that it points out we all have different preferences. I can tell you that I started with just HI, and inviting some Godly type men in my age range to view my profile. I think twice I made the mistake of saying I read your profile and put are we a match in the subject heading...LOL. Hey I am new here, give me a break:) I think the ones I write lately are better and more focused on that particualr person and who they portray themselves as. As of late, I really have felt convicted to not really send many messages to men for first contact unless maybe I met someone a chat room and wanted to say hello again. I am not saying I wont ever send a man a message but for sure I think the point that it is nice to be persued by a man has been made on here. :angel:
I read a profile, if I really like what it says, I may send him a wink. Usually, I get replies. Because most of the men I wink at know I probably read their profile. My age group usually
I thought about this one and I had alot I wanted to add to this, so please bear with me !
First off we see someone on here first with our eyes. Now what may appeal to me may not appeal to the next person. And so if they do not appeal to me, I have no desire to respond and lead someone astray. For they need to keep looking for the one that will appreciate all of them, looks, emotionally and spiritually.
For Example:
I had a College teacher who was a nice looking younger woman who had just gotten married and was crazy about her husband..The way she described him he was the whole package. Then later I seen a picture of him, now I never would have pictured those 2 together but she is not seeing him through my eyes but hers. She thinks he's IT!!!
Another friend of mine she had been seeing someone and she cared for this guy but he did not care the same way about her. How did she know this?? In his behavior and words towards her, they were lukewarm at best, take her or leave her no big deal. But, she hung on hoping he would fall in love with her. And one night Mr. Right came along and she and Mr. Right hit it off and became an item. So much so she went to the other guy and hugged him and thanked him for not caring for her.Why? Because when Mr. Right came along she knew it and had she kept hanging onto mr. wrong she would have missed Mr. Right!
So here is the advice from those who have been there and done that already. Wait for the one that is meant for you. Don't go with someone just to go with someone.
Do we get disappointed that the one we think may be it, does not feel the same way about us. YES, but it's okay, they must find the right one and so do we. So wait upon the Lord!!! Wait for his best to come into your life.
Will you have to go through alot of profiles? YES, will it be worth it in the end??? YES How do I know?? I've seen it happen with others.
