Author	Thread: Would you tell me... if you were leading me on?
Admin	Would you tell me... if you were leading me on? Posted : 4 Jun, 2012 11:26 AM So, hey guys, I met a gentleman on here and we seemed to hit it off. We emailed almost everyday, multiple times a day sometimes. We exchanged skype info and even phone numbers at one point. We seemed to really be getting along and he said we should probably keep this in prayer as ultimately we don't know where it is headed, but he said he hoped things progressed further. He spoke of us visiting each other too. Now I have been hurt in the past as most are yet I didn't treat him like he needed to pay for some other guy's past mistakes. Then I noticed one day that he seemed a bit distant I asked him if anything was wrong to which he replied no. In our previous conversations I had told him that I love honesty, no matter what even if it might hurt for a while it's always best to be honest , to which he agreed. Two days later he deleted his profile, I was a little concerned cause last I spoke to him he was sick. Anyway he severed contact. Now imagine my surprise looking up a friend I had heard got married on facebook, with the same name as the guy and seeing his profile pop up. So I clicked on it, even though I had gotten over the fact that he just left without a word I just wanted to be sure he's okay, (that's just how I am) and seeing that he is now in a relationship the date marked the very same day I sensed something was wrong lol. Now I know this can go as a point in the case of those who do not advocate long distance relationships. And I mean this is a dating site and some people will talk to a myriad of persons in hope of finding "the one". But why make someone believe you are serious about them and then have something on the side? Is it just whoever responds the fastest? It's silly, why can't we just be honest? I was not annoyed that he left I was more annoyed at the deception. If I had taken my training wheels off and really fell for everything he told me where would I have been? Heartbroken? I know guys that this may have been done to you too, being led on. Thoughts? Post Reply
View Profile History	Would you tell me... if you were leading me on? Posted : 4 Jun, 2012 11:15 PM Without knowing the entire dialogue (honestly, I don't know that it's all that important to know everything), I think a guy's view on this is rather quite simple, yet harsh. A guy looks at talking as just talking. If you're talking with one girl, there really isn't a point in not talking to other girls. What happens to get guys/girls in trouble is when the girl starts to feel some connection and only focuses on the guy. Normally it's not a bad problem unless the guy decides that he wants to be with a different girl (in your case, this is my best guess without knowing the entire story). In all honesty, there needs to be some discussion between a girl and a guy on when they stop the communication process with other people so that these kind of situations don't happen. That's my best guess. As for the Opening question, I don't think it's common for a guy to want to lead a girl on, so I would at least say Yes if that were the case personally. Post Reply
View Profile History	Would you tell me... if you were leading me on? Posted : 7 Jun, 2012 01:32 AM A guy shouldn't look at just talking to a girl and meeting a girl in person if he is about to get married. Post Reply
View Profile History	Would you tell me... if you were leading me on? Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 07:25 PM I agree with you holding out hope. I know for me if I am talking to a guy I am not having three and four back ups just in case it just seems shady. I think it only fair to both parties if they knew where the other stands because if things are going well and all of a sudden he breaks it off because another girl said yes to him before the other you are essentially playing both of them and with their emotions. Post Reply
View Profile History	Would you tell me... if you were leading me on? Posted : 22 Jun, 2012 10:10 AM To answer your question twice; Would /I/? No; I am almost constitutionally incapable of carrying on long-term deceit. I can barely remember that "do I look fat in this?" isn't a question that's looking for a direct answer. But you weren't asking about individuals. To answer for most men; no, of course we wouldn't, it's foolish to imagine we would. Two-timers, whether they think of themselves as slick operators or innocently waffling between two or more options, aren't suffering under any sort of moral prompting to tell both women about the situation. They're not conflicted about anything except which one they prefer at the moment. Whether its because they really don't think either relationship is serious enough or because their particular culture doesn't think relationships are exclusive until a certain point (dating, going steady, engaged, whatever), someone who's two-timing you doesn't have any reason to tell you, and every reason not to. The natural response is a kind of paranoia that'll destroy a relationship rather quickly. Honest guys don't like being accused of dishonesty. The correct response is Reagan's toward the Russians; "trust, but verify." It doesn't hurt to examine his family background and personal history, either; I wouldn't expect a woman who just broke up with three boyfriends in rapid succession to have the habits of long-term relationship with me, for example. Post Reply