Okay so Explain to me what this is and how it is suppose to be better than dating??? Because from personal experience, I say it is just as faulty as dating..
1. Court until marriage.
-okay. that means you plan on sticking with this person correct? to live, learn, and grow with them. so how is it any different than dating when your "courting" partner breaks up with you?
2. Work with each other. Learn each other in different situations...
-Is this a free ticket to judge me then? To put me in situations that may cause fatigue, anger, etc...and see how I react? To analyze me like a science experiment? If I remember correctly, humans have NO right to judge. Now, this didn't really happen to me, but that's what all these "courting" books say. To do activities to see how well you work together. Riiiiiight. Sounds more like judge each other
3.Hands off til marriage
-I agree that you must be pure before marriage. But is it wrong to kiss hello or goodbye? Not a long lingering one that will obviously give w rong feelings, but seriously fellas, can't you kiss a girl without getting turned on? Sorry to be blunt but I"m curious? I couldn't even get a little kiss on my cheek from him. Really??? I'm not sure what to think on this subject but some of these courting people (not my situation but what i've read) won't even hold hands til engagement, or give frontal hugs. COME ON!
So for those who are into all this courting stuff, explain to me how it is better because to me it is just as flawed, if not more flawed than dating.
1. well to me, I think the difference is just by definition both are different, dating is in a sense nothing really serious, while courtship is for more serious minded people.
2. The thing with the seeing how people react, it's not a matter of judging per se, but it's like knowing how this person truly is, seeing their mindset on alot of things. Like if that person is a person who always yells when they are angry and speaks in a very condescending and demeaning tone and you figure this out from courtship, would you necessarily want to be with them, if you aren't that way? I think that's what it means by that
3. The whole kissing thing is different for everyone, some people can withhold themselves, some people can't, it's all a matter of knowing yourself (not just a guy issue either, because i know women who can't control themselves with a little kiss)
Courtship is simply a word used by Christians to describe a Biblical process where two people explore whether they're compatible or not as future husband and wife.
Courtship is usually initiated with permission from the girl�s parents and through and with the oversight of the church or churches they attend.
Unlike dating, courtship usually takes place over a predetermined period of time to protect both parties from emotionally using one another without a solid commitment towards marriage.
Since "dating" can be done in a similar fashion, both words can be used interchangeably. What matters is how the people involved choose to honor God or not.
O.P. wrote "okay. that means you plan on sticking with this person correct?"
Response: Not at all. It means that within a determined amount of time, while under the protection and oversight of parents, church members and "Christian" friends, two people choose to spend time with each other to see if they'd be compatible with one another as husband and wife. If either party determines they would not be compatible with the other, they respectfully let the person they're courting know.
O.P. wrote "to live, learn, and grow with them."
Response: Although you experience life with them, you certainly would not "live" with them as that would be unbiblical.
O.P. wrote "so how is it any different than dating when your "courting" partner breaks up with you?"
Response: The difference likely lies in the fact that the "dating" person has made up their own mind and the "courting" couple has sought God's will together with the help of others.
O.P. wrote "2. Work with each other. Learn each other in different situations...Is this a free ticket to judge me then? To put me in situations that may cause fatigue, anger, etc...and see how I react? To analyze me like a science experiment? If I remember correctly, humans have NO right to judge."
People can be judged while dating or courting - this is entirely dependent upon the individuals involved. If courting is done correctly, the feelings of being judged or rejected can often be greatly avoided by keeping the focus upon God and His will, and by the involvement of parents and oversight in the church.
O.P. wrote "Now, this didn't really happen to me, but that's what all these "courting" books say. To do activities to see how well you work together. Riiiiiight. Sounds more like judge each other."
Response: Many people and even many Christians approach relationships looking for someone to love them because they struggle to love themselves. In these cases, the idea of being rejected can be unbearable since we're relying upon someone else to know if we're "lovable" or not. As Christians, we need to approach relationships whether courting or dating from the position of already feeling loved far more than the person we're interested in will ever love us - or not.
1 John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear"
Husbands and wives "from" God are raised up and given by God and that by faith so that we do not have to fear being rejected, even in our search for a potential mate...
O.P. wrote "3.Hands off til marriage... I agree that you must be pure before marriage. But is it wrong to kiss hello or goodbye? Not a long lingering one that will obviously give w rong feelings, but seriously fellas, can't you kiss a girl without getting turned on?" Sorry to be blunt but I"m curious? I couldn't even get a little kiss on my cheek from him. Really??? I'm not sure what to think on this subject but some of these courting people (not my situation but what i've read) won't even hold hands til engagement, or give frontal hugs. COME ON!"
Response: The Apostle Paul says he'd rather never eat meat again than cause one of his brothers in Christ to stumble. Therefore it is not a matter of kissing being permissible or not. It is a matter of putting others first - in your case young men - and treating them and their future children and wives with the utmost respect.
Okay so he did it wrong then because his family approved of me and he decides to make a selfish decision to end it. I didn't even know he was considering this. It was not a united decision.
Is courting an actual process shown in the bible? If it is, please give me some verses. Because honestly, as adults I don't believe that we need our parents to closely watch a relationship when the proper christian adult will choose to make holy decisions to please God. I know that it is mentioned that the father's give their daughters in marriage, but I don't recall them watching their children like hawks to make sure they behave. That is self discipline we as christians should have instilled in our hearts.
2. Work with each other. Learn each other in different situations...
this reminds me of the words spoken by a Old Woman of the Canyon,She said," wanna see if a couple will last? provide them everything they could possibly need to paint a room,and lock them in the room until they break up, or finish painting the room."
I�m going to use some of what I wrote in my previous response�
�Okay so he did it wrong then because his family approved of me and he decides to make a selfish decision to end it. I didn't even know he was considering this. It was not a united decision.�
Courtship is a word used by Christians to describe a Biblical process where two people �EXPLORE� whether they're compatible or not as future husband and wife.
NOTICE�. that "EXPLORING" is very different than jumping the gun and "entering into" an emotional relationship BEFORE A PUBLIC commitment of marriage has been made by both parties.
Solomon 8:4 says �Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.�
Question, who was the initiator of awakening love in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve?
The answer is God Himself.
Courtship is also focused on the Lord and how each person has been growing in relation to HIM, since without that, two people will grow only in relation to one another which will eventually lead to spiritual death within any relationship according to God�s Word.
�Is courting an actual process shown in the bible? If it is, please give me some verses.�
Courtship is based upon a number of Biblical principles and these principles can be found throughout the entirety of scripture�
The first example of the principles of courtship can be found in Genesis in the Garden of Eden where it is Adam�s loving Father that introduces Adam to the first woman man had ever known.
Adam did not choose his mate. God did.
Adam did not prepare his mate. God had.
A similar example can be found in Genesis 24 where once again, it is the Lord who provides a wife for Abraham�s son Isaac,� The LORD, the God of heaven, who took me from my father�s house and from the land of my birth, and who spoke to me, and who swore to me, saying, �To your descendants I will give this land,� He will send His angel before you, and you will take a wife for my son from there� Genesis 24:7
Again, Isaac did not choose his mate. God did. And God did so through the faith of Isaac�s �father� Abraham. Not through Isaac.
The same God who initiated the �awakening� of these people�s love, will initiate the awakening of our own love if we�ll only trust Him to do so.
Godly people in the church, Christian friends and Christian family members are God�s ordinary means by which God works in our lives even if it doesn�t seem like it at times. Do we realize that it is only by faith that someone will truly use the people God has placed in their lives in a process such as courtship? That it is only by faith that a person will be completely transparent with others through such a process? And that it is only �by faith� that we will receive the blessings of God in our marriages as daily we seek to honor the Lord with our lives?
I'll respond to the rest of what you wrote separately.
�Because honestly, as adults I don't believe that we need our parents to closely watch a relationship when the proper christian adult will choose to make holy decisions to please God. I know that it is mentioned that the father's give their daughters in marriage, but I don't recall them watching their children like hawks to make sure they behave. That is self discipline we as christians should have instilled in our hearts.�
Response:
What's important is that you understand the "spirit" of what I pointed out above. That God works, speaks and protects us through the people HE's surrounded us with. In the case of Isaac, Isaac chose to trust his father's "relationship" with God in obtaining a wife for him and God rewarded Isaac greatly for doing so.
Does that mean that we allow our parents to choose whom we'll spend our lives with? Not at all. What it means is that we encourage the involvement of those God has surrounded us by, especially in decisions that will alter the rest of our lives.
Parents, Christian friends and church members being a part of courtship has to do with mankind's fallen, sinful condition and Paul's warning to cause no one to stumble - even in thought.
You may find it odd that parents need to watch their children...until you consider the world around us. Take King David and his son King Solomon for instance. God had done extraordinary things through both of them, yet both of them fell to sexual temptation bringing death not only upon themselves but upon their families and all of Israel. Why? You could literally say that they fell because they failed to use a courtship type process, made up of Biblical principals found throughout the Bible.
If David would have forced himself to submit to such a process he would not be known as an adulterer and a murderer. If Solomon would have submitted to such a process instead of hundreds of wives he would have had several whom he might have actually known and loved...and who loved the Lord. The principles of courtship are all about trusting God, and honoring Him with our lives. If we truly care for a person we're interested in being with, we'll want to use such principles for their sake as well...
Kelly, I'm getting the impression that there are parent issues there, which may be leading to your protests ... or one might say panic? Perhaps your parents are not saved, or maybe not walking in full submission to the Lord. I can understand your hesistance. Sometimes your church family, if they are in close relationship both with the Lord and with you, may be a better sounding board.
Think of the difference between dating and courting to going shopping for groceries. In a large grocery store, they will have sample stations so you can taste a new product. That is like dating. No committment intended, just tasting. With courting, you are going in there with the intention of buying a specific product which is supposed to be good and healthy for you and help you grow and be strong. The ones looking out for you ('family) would be like your dietician shopping with you, who would be able to recommend buying the product that has the right amount of fibre or calcium that is best for your particular situation, and watch for some hidden by-products on the label that you may not have recognized or noticed. You still make the choice, but they come along side and help you see good things or danerous things that you may not be able to see from your particular vantage point.
Sometimes, like finding a good 'match' online, the label may say all the right things, so you buy it, but you find that after awhile the product upsets your stomach. That is to say, one of you may decide after getting to know a little bit of the real you that, despite what connection "should" be happening, it just isn't coming together. At this point, you should both be able to sit down together as friends, discuss the impass, and prayerfully part ways (well, that's in an ideal world... which does happen from time to time!).
