I wasn't sure where was best to post this, but everyone is free to comment (like I needed to actually SAY that...we all post everywhere anyway!) Anyhoo...
Over the past couple weeks, I think I've figured out one reason why I can't get dates. It's crazy, and it's probably not the only reason, but it might have some validity.
I'm too "middle of the road" for a lot of guys. No, I don't mean I'm wishy-washy or not firm in my convictions or beliefs. I mean that I'm too conservative in lifestyle and worship preferences for a lot of guys, but I'm too liberal/contemporary for other guys.
Several guys have indicated this to me, but one guy was pretty blunt about it. He told me something to the effect of "You know, Beth, I like you and all, but I just don't know that I could be happy with a girl who has never EVER cussed. You totally wouldn't understand my own struggles with profanity, and we could never watch TV or movies together because I'd always be afraid there might be a really bad word that would offend you. And you don't like contemporary worship music as much as I do; you've never even heard of half the bands I like. And talk about sexually naive...I know we are both committed to saving ourselves for marriage, but you are so naive that if we let our friendship turn into a romantic relationship, we wouldn't even be able to have an intelligent conversation about sexual expectations in marriage. You are just too conservative."
On the other hand, other guys have indicated that I'm not conservative enough for them because I watch "normal" tv shows and movies, I'm not anti-Disney, I am not KJV-only, I wear pants and shorts (and *gasp* a 2-piece bathing suit in the summer! Hey, it's a modest one!), I go to a church that does have praise music rather than only hymns, and I believe that birth control of some sort is a good idea since I don't want a dozen kids (or even half-a-dozen!).
It would seem that it's really hard to find a guy who isn't super conservative, yet is conservative enough to understand me.
Any thoughts? I don't want to change who I am, but I feel like I don't really fit into either "group", and there aren't many who seem to be in the middle like I am. I know I'm probably making too big of a deal out of this; it's been bothering me lately, though.
You are the Lady Yeshua has made you,and He will bring you to the man He has raised to being your husband.
Do not try changing yourself just to try to please a man.
Let Yeshua change you into the Lady has estalished you be.
Remember 'The eye of man is NEVER satisfied'.
Have you ever read about when Saul did not wait for Samuel to arrive,and Saul then sacrificed the offering.
1Sa 13:1 Saul reigned one year; and when he had reigned two years over Israel,
1Sa 13:2 Saul chose him three thousand men of Israel; whereof two thousand were with Saul in Michmash and in mount Bethel, and a thousand were with Jonathan in Gibeah of Benjamin: and the rest of the people he sent every man to his tent.
1Sa 13:3 And Jonathan smote the garrison of the Philistines that was in Geba, and the Philistines heard of it. And Saul blew the trumpet throughout all the land, saying, Let the Hebrews hear.
1Sa 13:4 And all Israel heard say that Saul had smitten a garrison of the Philistines, and that Israel also was had in abomination with the Philistines. And the people were called together after Saul to Gilgal.
1Sa 13:5 And the Philistines gathered themselves together to fight with Israel, thirty thousand chariots, and six thousand horsemen, and people as the sand which is on the sea shore in multitude: and they came up, and pitched in Michmash, eastward from Bethaven.
1Sa 13:6 When the men of Israel saw that they were in a strait, (for the people were distressed,) then the people did hide themselves in caves, and in thickets, and in rocks, and in high places, and in pits.
1Sa 13:7 And some of the Hebrews went over Jordan to the land of Gad and Gilead. As for Saul, he was yet in Gilgal, and all the people followed him trembling.
1Sa 13:8 And he tarried seven days, according to the set time that Samuel had appointed: but Samuel came not to Gilgal; and the people were scattered from him.
1Sa 13:9 And Saul said, Bring hither a burnt offering to me, and peace offerings. And he offered the burnt offering.
1Sa 13:10 And it came to pass, that as soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, behold, Samuel came; and Saul went out to meet him, that he might salute him.
1Sa 13:11 And Samuel said, What hast thou done? And Saul said, Because I saw that the people were scattered from me, and that thou camest not within the days appointed, and that the Philistines gathered themselves together at Michmash;
1Sa 13:12 Therefore said I, The Philistines will come down now upon me to Gilgal, and I have not made supplication unto the LORD: I forced myself therefore, and offered a burnt offering.
1Sa 13:13 And Samuel said to Saul, Thou hast done foolishly: thou hast not kept the commandment of the LORD thy God, which he commanded thee: for now would the LORD have established thy kingdom upon Israel for ever.
1Sa 13:14 But now thy kingdom shall not continue: the LORD hath sought him a man after his own heart, and the LORD hath commanded him to be captain over his people, because thou hast not kept that which the LORD commanded thee.
There's nothing special about being like everybody else. Set your own standards and value. The guys that say what they do, it's not like they're experts. They're sellouts like everybody else and I guarentee there are a lot of other poeple that know you who admire your middle of the road non affiliatedness for a lot of reasons you might realize someday.
Those in the the middle of the road usually end up as road kill...
Where you are on the scale between ultra-conservative and ultra-liberal is simply you as you are now. In ten years you'll have moved (in one direction or another) depending on what experiences you have in the meantime, so to pick someone based on that is crazy. Just the same as picking someone based on looks, because in ten years those'll have changed too.
Of course, in today's world where we expect people to be a perfect match instantly, that means most will be rejected, but if we're going into a relationship and demanding any more than "is there some irreconcilable fundamental stumbling block between us living together for the rest of our lives?", then we set ourselves up for failure. Put in that context, those who demand their partners have a good job (or even any at all), must be tee-total, virgins or other (minor in the scheme of things) traits are limiting an already very small pool of viable people.
I guess I will echo the other responses a little. You should continue being exactly who you are. God is leading you and you have admirable convictions. We all have our own walk with Christ. Those who say you are too conservative are probably feeling a little convicted about their own compromise and those who don't, well...it says in the bible to be in the world but not of the world. We live here in this society and we all have to follow our convictions. Don't change yours. God is leading you and he will also lead you to the right mate.
I've seen you around this site and I think we've backed each other up on threads before. I think what you are calling "middle of the road" is, really, what most people would call normal.
If you measure yourself against this site, you're judging yourself against a really weird standard. So far, I've run into very few regular people on this site. The majority of people are frightening in their extreme religious views (and no, I don't mean "Christian," I mean fundamentalist or cultish) or they are on here thinking they can say they love God and then gain a green card or sex. Or both. There are a lot of people - honestly, I would say 90-95% - who are on here because there is a major reason why they are single. A cursory glance at most profiles usually reveals that (weird fetishes, ridiculous requirements, no understanding of boundaries).
And then here you are. You're pretty, you're employed, you appear to function like a regular grownup person. You have a completely normal and moderate profile with respectable interests and no novel-length manifestos against people you won't date. You seem like a positive person with a good sense of humor who isn't trying too hard. Your faith and dedication to God is apparent and sincere, and not being used to make yourself look better than others or insult them.
There is nothing glaringly wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you beyond the normal flaws that humans have. There are many legitimate reasons for online dating - the main one simply being that it is often hard to meet people - but for everyone who has a good reason there are lots of people who are on for the other reason, which is that they can't get a date in real life for very valid reasons. There are red flags that would be waving in real life that can be hidden online. The apparent lack of interest of people on this site, honestly, speaks really well of you. These people are really loud, but I assure you, this is a weird, weird niche part of the internet, and they are not the majority.
The majority of people - and those who would make decent marriage partners - are going to see an independent, educated woman with diverse interests as a good thing. That's attractive and it only speaks well of you. The people on here who find that to be too liberal (which really is laughable) are a very freakish and small minority and the issue is all theirs, and really rather terrifying. Don't get discouraged or down on yourself for being "middle of the road" - honestly, it is the best place to be and probably the healthiest. And from what I can tell about you, you can do better than this site. This site is like dating welfare. When you find someone, it will be someone much better than the slim and often extremist pickings offered here. Don't rule it out, but don't limit yourself to this forum or judge the Christian world at large by it, because this is a poor, poor representation of the church or the single people in it.
Thanks for your responses, everyone. I don't plan to change who I am just to fit into one group or the other. It just seems like all the "normal" guys are either taken already, or not at all interested. And I don't mean just online...this seems to be the case in "real life" too. Oh well, I'm just going to have to keep on waiting for that guy that God has for me...he must really be something special, since it's taking this long!
There's probably a handful of women on CDFF forums that I'd consider as possibilities (out of all that have been through in the last year). Unfortunately none of them are in the UK even, let alone commuting distance from me.
I don�t know if this will help, but something that helped me was reading a story called All of Us Need To Belong by Billy Mills (who was �an Oglala Sioux Indian, and won the gold medal for the 10,000-meter race in the 1964 Summer Olympics in Tokyo�).
In his short story he talks about how his mother was �three-quarters French and one-quarter Indian� and his father was a Lakota (Sioux)�. Mills explains that because of this when he was a boy-- living in poverty and a mother who died when he was very young-- the �white people didn�t want� him, and his Lakota classmates said �the only thing worse than a Wasicu (white man) is an Ieska (half blood)." He recalls thinking he wished he was either one thing or the other.�
And the advice his dad gave him was so remarkable, I highlighted it right there in the book. His dad said, �It is possible to walk in two worlds, with one spirit.�
His dad died not long after from a stroke, and he went through bereavement and depression, but through this he developed a passion for running�which led him to be the gold medal winner 13 years later.
His dad�s advice, �walk in two worlds, with one spirit�, really stood out to me. Everyone is on a journey-a physical journey and a spiritual journey simultaneously. And knowing that you are walking home, or that (in relation to Salvation) you are home already�that you found the answers spiritually, and you are walking towards them�gives you piece that you are just as accepted and just as known and just as loved in the other road, the not so certain road of life.
I have friends who are total opposites, and when I'm with different friends, certain parts of my character comes out. But this does not bother me, because all the diversity makes sense on some higher level. At least God understands it! lol
One day you are going to find someone who loves you for you, BC. And you are already loved, while being perfectly understood, by Jesus.
to the OP, this may have been said already, i didn't read all of the comments and I apologize if I am repeating things that have been said already.
You're not perfect, I'm not perfect no one is. We all have our own struggles, and if that guy that swears is mad because you don't swear, that is his issue, not yours. We all have our struggles, and you don't get many dates? That's not a big deal, I don't either. I don't worry about it, just try to trust God to put the right guy in your life.
