Author	Thread: Question/Tip for fellas
Admin	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 18 Dec, 2011 03:57 PM Why do some of you guys feel the need to immediately speak of marriage before you even get to know a girl? Frankly, it's a little scary. Not to say I am afraid of marriage, but if a guy comes to me saying hey! If we were married, blah blah, when I don't even know him and it's the first time I ever talked to him, that's pretty darn scary. Just a tip for those who like doing that :goofball: Post Reply
PeterStuff View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 19 Dec, 2011 12:26 AM I Don't see any problem with that. I once asked a girl and she gave me the Surprised response. When i ask you, i want to know your thoughts about marriage; what's the use of "knowing" someone for 3 months only to realize that you are not meant for me. It's not that the guy wants to marry you. Say i ask you, if you got married, which church shall we be going to? And you tellm e, I'm a Catholic, and i won't leave my church no matter what. You see Post Reply
PeterStuff View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 19 Dec, 2011 12:39 AM Maybe my point wasn't so clear. My point is that if i want to get a wife and my mind is fixated on that, i'm not going to waste my time on the tradition dating habits, of let's try and see if it will work. It's not bypassing the Friendship bit; you just want to weed out the bad prospects. You being a chic, you may like a guy, but then you may not to wait for 7 months for you to know that he has no problem with domestic violence. If you ask him, "If we are married and i really make you angry off, would you hit me?" And he smiles and says, "Okay, i won't hit you with blows - coz i find that stupid, but i'll use a cane. I don't see any problem with disciplining my wife." Post Reply
Devotedlove47^ View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 19 Dec, 2011 06:03 AM Grace to you in Jesus name KellyBean1990 I agree with PeterStuff We are commanded by Christ to count up the cost in all that we enveador to do. For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. Luke 14:28-30 This is one of the main reasons why many marriages end in divorce. Post Reply
View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 19 Dec, 2011 07:54 PM Okay I think I was misunderstood. I don't see anything wrong with asking people their views and values of marriage. But when you first speak to someone, it is odd to talk to them like they are your soon to be married wife already! There's ways of approaching it...and to say so if you and I got married...blah blah...is not the way to go. Here's what I would say if I wanted to know their views... "So what are some of your views on marriage? What are some things you like or dislike about that commitment? Do you believe the man should make most decisions or it should be equal?" see, that's a nice, organized, realistic approach. But I've gotten people who act like I'm "the one" cause they think I"m pretty and jump on the marriage wagon before they say two words to me. Post Reply
View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 20 Dec, 2011 09:29 AM If we were married, blah blah?? i feel the thing requiring attention is the Blah,Blah, as on the few occassions i have said something like this,i was fasttracking to see if they had a sense of humor??? or if they were way to critical,analytical,and clinging to the microscope a lil to tight? i.e. if they laugh?continue. if they donot?run away... Post Reply
View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 22 Dec, 2011 07:54 AM I think I see what you are getting at and here's what I think. 1. I think it's good to bring up the toppic of marriage in the context of what somoene's views on it are. I believe we should be looking to date someone we see as marriage material otherwise we are wasting time. So I think it's important to approach the marriage topic and related topics to know where someone stands and what they are looking for. 2. Where we can go off the rails is when we use language that implies we assume that the person we are talking to will become our wife/husband especially early on in the getting to know you stage. Most of the women I've gotten to know we talked about the topic of marriage but not in a way that assumed anything about the future between us since we didn't know each other well enough. 3. I don't think it's wise to say things that can come across as assuming your the one right away or early on in the conversation. Whether it is joking, or not, or even as a test to see a reaction. Doing this puts the other person in an awkward spot and raise red flags as it should. Marriage is a serious thing and should not be talked about jokingly or hypothetically. This will creep people out whether they are guys or girls. Post Reply
View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 23 Dec, 2011 02:58 PM What Hoosiermike said is exactly the point I was trying to make :goofball: and the blah blah was a converation that wasn't important to the context Post Reply
Devotedlove47^ View Profile History	Question/Tip for fellas Posted : 27 Dec, 2011 12:38 AM Hoosiermike and Kellybean1990 Frankly, it's a little scary. Not to say I am afraid of marriage, but if a guy comes to me saying hey! If we were married, blah blah, when I don't even know him and it's the first time I ever talked to him, that's pretty darn scary. " If we were married, " says a whole lot, if you are truly listening to the person. " If " implies a condition on which something depends. If is general. It may be used to indicate suppositions or hypothetical conditions (often involving doubt or uncertainty). By using those words, the guys is clearly showing you that he is not assuming anything, but rather speaking hypothetically. What is " scary" to you is his unknown source of motivation, which you are perceiving as being assumptive, as opposed to being positive self confidence and security. You need to be sure that your analysis of the situation is accurate, and not based on an emotional internalization of the whole matter. Post Reply