Ok, say you have a website where you can only see the profiles of those who not only match your criteria, but you match theirs. No one can simply browse your profile and take a look at it, you both have to match to see it.
Ok, so we all know that there are some very sensitive questions that many people have that are make or break for people, that if they knew up front, they would not bother to start a conversation with that person. I am mainly speaking of sexual purity and or reason for divorce. My question is, would you be willing to give an answer to those questions so that people can search against them? And BTW, the answer to those questions would NEVER be shown, even if you are a match, you simply could search against them.
Say, for example, someone is not willing to marry someone who is not a virgin. If you stated that you were not a virgin, then you wouldn�t show up in their matches, and you wouldn�t have to deal with being rejected by them. Their loss. In the same way, if someone believes that divorce is only allowed for adultery, and you have divorced for other reasons, then you would not show up in their matches either.
"My question is, would you be willing to give an answer to those questions so that people can search against them?"
That will make finding a potential mate much easier for everyone.
People just have to be certain that whatever their answer is, is an absolute deal breaker.
I prefer men with a good length of hair, but I would never want to use a feature where bald men cannot contact me and I cannot contact them because having hair is not a deal breaker for me.
I would definitely not want my profile visible to any guy that has a deal breaker against me. Easier for me....and easier for him.
There's a a lot of fish in the sea, and I could not understand if someone was against making that sea into a pond with their best interest(s) in mind.
I wouldn't mind stating the deal breakers like views on purity and divorce. But I don't mind letting people know I am waiting till marriage to have sex or that I have never been married.
MissKellyRae, I'm a little confused on your answer. Would you be willing to answer those questions so that people can search against it?
CuddleBunny, it would simply be an option for those who would like to limit their choices. As with anything, they can always choose to allow anyone to see their profile no matter what they answer for those questions. And you are correct, why bother looking at a profile of someone you know you are going to reject.
That's the real secret to searching, you don't really want to select the options for the person you are looking for, you want to remove the options for the person you know right away that you don't want. If you prefer men who are not bald, but don't mind matching up to someone who is, then you simply pick the option for people who are bald.
Cobbler, I think your theory is good, in an ideal world where we really knew which are the real deal breakers and where software is flawless. I have found the algorithms used to calculate a match are not always accurate. Attention must be given by the member as well... I have seen some options filled in that were clearly wrong (female accidently checked off that she was male but states in her profile that she is woman looking for a man; a tall man accidently checking off that he was 4'3" instead of 6'3", etc).
On e-harmony I have been 'matched' only about 5-8 times/year, and most of those (once I read the profile) were not a good match at all -- usually over-bearing, egotistical types.
I have a strong opinion about one of your option suggestions as well. I don't believe that anyone seeking a 'virgin' should do so unless they are one themselves! A double standard in anything is not healthy or righteous.
That's a tough question, Cobbler. I'm not sure I have a definite answer, but here are a few musings that I've had while thinking about it.
There are a few things that are absolute dealbreakers for me...it would be nice to have the guys with those dealbreakers automatically removed from my search list. Same in reverse, because if something about me is an absolute dealbreaker for him, it would be better that I not show up on his list at all. I'd be fine answering questions so that people could search against certain things. Even though it wouldn't be 100% accurate, the process would just be simplified that way.
However, there are other things that are preferences, but not dealbreakers, and some things are subjective depending on the situation. Also, if you have the advantage of getting to know someone very well just as friends, you might make a different decision about having a romantic relationship with that person than you would have if you'd just seen a profile online.
That's one reason why I've always been a bit skeptical about online dating. Online dating seems to be completely backwards, since you sort of have to assume that every profile could be a potential date/future spouse. It just seems like it would be FAR more natural to get to know someone first (through work, church, friends, etc.), and then consider whether or not a dating relationship might work based on what you have learned about the person.
Trustandbelieve, if a person is a virgin they can simply only accept matches from someone else who is also a virgin and that would solve the problem. I do agree that it could theoretically be abused, but then again most anything can be abused. You also have to remember that this would not be the only search option, just one of many.
6-8 matches a year on eHarmony? You are doing very well. I was on eHarmony for six years and I had to expand my search area to the entire United States just to get six matches in six years. Of course I got in about 10 years ago when they were first starting, and I have a rare personality type, so it�s hard to match me up. To make things worse, I decided to redo my match profile, and now eHarmony states that I am not a good candidate for marriage, so I am banned. Yes, they do actually keep people off the site.
BC, I agree that the ideal situation is to meet people in person and get to know them first, but most of us are on here because we can�t find anyone in our day to day lives. As far as searching is concerned, it�s up to the individual as to how picky they are going to be. As I stated before, you really are simply filtering out the people you definitely do not want to meet, and you have to consider your choices carefully.
Here are a few more options to the questions:
Sexual purity:
1. Virgin
2. I have been molested/raped, but I have not willingly had sex with anyone
3. I have only had sex with my spouse (for those who have been married)
4. I have had sex outside of marriage, but that was before I became a Christian. Now I am waiting until I marry to have sex again.
5. I don�t have a problem with having sex outside of marriage
My question is, would you be willing to give an answer to those questions so that people can search against them? And BTW, the answer to those questions would NEVER be shown, even if you are a match, you simply could search against them.
No, I would rather talk about these questions with someone I seen inperson as a potential spouse.
I have met several men inpeson and tthey were nothing like their profile stated they were.
Most people will not answer the question honestly and you would stil have to get to know them In person to see if they were ALL about who they said they were.
It is true that people do lie on their profiles. But, what if they put something on their profile you know that you don't want. For example, what if they tell you up front that they were the ones that committed adultery. Or, for the purity section, they tell you up front that they don't see anything wrong with having sex outside of marriage.
If you are expecting a dating site to filter out all the liers and pick the perfect guy for you, then you are expeting more than what a dating site can give.
