I'm interested in the perspective of both men and women on this topic...
When you meet someone online and you've been talking and decide it's time to meet in person, but you are not in the same general area, who should go to who and why?
Say you live an hour apart, should the man drive the hour? Should the woman drive the hour? Or should they both drive half an hour?
Or let's say you're on opposite sides of the country. Should the woman fly to where the man is? Or should the man fly to where the woman is? And if the woman flies to where the man is, should he pay for her plane ticket?
There are no universal rules to fall back on when it comes to meeting. What may work for one couple may not be opportune for another. First and foremost, I would suggest if you are planning to meet someone you've met online, you spend some time thinking about your own personal safety and what your boundaries are. Then after YOU know exactly what YOU are comfortable with have that conversation with him so he knows what YOU expect.
As to the actual dynamics of meeting and who should make the effort to travel or even to pay for it. I think two people that are planning on meeting would take into account the ease in which both can make that journey and also take into account the cost of doing so as well as where your comfort zone lies in actually meeting someone on your home turf or theirs.
Myself, if I were to fly to meet a potential Mr. Right, I would pay for my own passage even if he would offer to do so. That is my comfort zone and what I am used to. It gives me total control of my choice in meeting and no leverage for someone to use against me. If he were to fly to me, I would still offer to pay at least half of his fare only because I could afford to do so. What you decide for yourself...is totally up to you and what you are comfortable with. What can you afford, what can he afford?
I would say the same applies to driving. An hour distance isn't that much to travel. Where you decide to meet would impact more closely who travels where. If you weren't comfortable having him on your own home turf or weren't comfortable being on his...you could opt for a mutually discussed and agreed upon neutral third option and meet some place neither of you have been before...so much to think about huh?
I think when you get to the point of wanting to meet someone and that person feels the same all you really need do is figure out WHEN and WHERE...getting that settled is the first step in figuring out the rest of it.
Most of Us women have Our own individual thoughts on this topic. However, mine or;
I think the man should meet me for the first time here in my city. I have had meetings from men from far away. But they were men, who didn't mind travel and I was not the first lady they met, who lived a far, distance.
I think the Key here is that a person meet people, who like to travel and don't have a problem with it.
When, you communicate, it is not hard to find out if the guy
wouldn't mind traveling, just ask.
I' m not interested in meeting any man Out of the Country
I won't comment on meeting people in/from other countries, as I have no intentions of being in that situation (unless God slaps me up 'side the head and tells me to).
As for meeting someone just an hour away, that's no big deal. I don't even consider that long-distance, because I know plenty of people who commute an hour one-way to work each day! Either of us could make the drive, though I think it would be most gentlemanly of him to come to my town! But an hour is such a short distance that we might end up meeting in the middle just depending on the location we choose!
My "ideal" for longer-distances (either driving or flying) is that the guy would come to my area. I would not offer to pay for his ticket, because (in my old-fashioned mind) he should be pursuing me. Also, if we have talked often enough, long enough, and seriously enough in our online/phone conversations that we are interested in meeting, he should know whether or not it is worth risking a weekend's worth of time and the cost of a plane ticket to meet me! If he doesn't think I'm worth that, then we probably don't need to meet yet.
One more thought...if there was some financial difficulty keeping him from traveling to see me even one time, how would he be able to handle a long-distance relationship anyway? True, once we'd met, the road (or flight!) would go both ways and I would pay for my own expenses, but I wouldn't want to have to pay for ALL of the travel expenses. He would have to be prepared, willing, and able to pay for his own share of the traveling. (My dad liked to say that by the time he married my mom, he was "blissfully broke and had no vacation days left, but she was totally worth it"...he drove 10 hours one-way every other weekend to spend the weekend with her at her parents' house.)
Now that I've said all that, let me give a major exception that might change everything I just said. If I were already planning to be in his area for some reason, I would have no problem meeting him there...assuming I wanted to meet him at all! At least I'm practical! Why should he travel to meet me for the first time if I'm already going to be right there?
If there was some financial difficulty keeping him from traveling to see me even one time, how would he be able to handle a long-distance relationship anyway?
:applause:
Often times, this is why men want someone close to home.
They can not are do not want to spend out the money to
travel. On the phone and emails are not the ideal relationship for men. lol
No right answer, the two people deciding this will have to decide what specifically works in their situation.
Since I'm not going to move, in my situation the woman visits me, and sees if the lifestyle here is to her liking. I'm not really into the dating culture, I see it more as interviewing each other for a job. That is why the internet works pretty good, because a lot of the interview is already done on here.
Thank you all for your wonderful replies! I would have responded sooner, but between the issues I've been having with this site and my crazy busy life of late, I was unable to get on here.
You all made great points. The thing with driving an hour for me is that gas is very expensive, and it hurts my back and leg if I drive a lot. So even though it's only an hour (which, there is really nothing an hour from here, it's more like half an hour or two hours, nothing in between), that is still a lot for me to do on a regular basis.
I personally feel that if I have to "chase" the man, then he is not ready to even consider committing to me and it would be a waste of time and money to go to him. I think the man should come to me first, then after that it'd be equal both ways. If I have to make all the effort, there's a problem with the relationship, but he shouldn't have to make all the effort either. I think when it comes to safety and comfort, I would like to meet in a city with which I am very familiar but do not live in.
I think though if you're just meeting as friends, then it really doesn't matter who goes to who first outside of the safety issue. But I don't want to be perceived as "demanding" if I expect the guy to come to me first. Though I suppose if he considered it "demanding" because I felt more comfortable having him come to me, then he probably is not someone I could trust :goofball:
Personally I wouldn't consider asking or expecting the lady to make the first trip to meet. That thought wouldn't even enter my mind. To me if I can't or won't make that initial trip then I have to ask myself if I can't bring myself to invest the time and effort to travel to see her, would I really be willing to invest the time and effort into making the relationship work. If for financial reasons I should ask myself should I really pursue a relationship if I'm not able to financially support a relationship and perhaps I should focus more on stability before pursuing any kind of serious relationship. That said other reasons are similar to those for a relationship with someone locally. Would I ask a girl out and then ask her to pick me up??? I feel like as men are called to be leaders both in the home and in a relationship (leader not dictator there is a difference). I'm of the school of thought that the guy should make the first moves, like initiating meeting/asking out, traveling/picking her up. Perhaps I'm old fashioned but I feel like if I'm doing my job on a date all she needs to do is be there and enjoy herself and I find enjoyment in her happiness.
