Author	Thread: Superhero or mere man?
Admin	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 12 Jul, 2011 11:04 AM Hey men of God and women you can put in your two cents if you wish. I have a best friend who constantly if not subconciously dates or is attracted to women that need "fixing". They are emotionally scarred and either have low self esteem etc. I find this to be very unhealthy because yes to me the desire is there within a man but I think we can all agree unless you're the person God decides to use even at all in this woman's delivereance that it's a very serious thing. I just want to get your take on this if possible. Are you a superhero type of guy who thinks "If she only gives me that chance I can fix her problem?" or are you genuinely the type of guy who's heart is moved by pain and is waiting for direction? Post Reply
View Profile History	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 12 Jul, 2011 01:28 PM I've heard men who try to 'fix' women become generally controlling, unless they're trying to help someone because they have a glad heart, and are called by the Lord to do so. People have said they generally seek something they can get out of it, like maybe if I help her, she'll do something for me, or they seek to sort of micro-manage and run someone's life, unless of course it's truly coming from the Lord. There's a difference between helping someone, and doing it with a glad heart and 'fixing' them. One is godly behavior, one is very self-serving, giving the credit to man instead of God. Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 12 Jul, 2011 05:42 PM If you have evr talked to a man, and just want him to listen you will notice his natural instict is to fix the woman's problem, so its no surprise that some men, and women look for "fixer uppers" but arent we all. We can do nothing without Him, and that said god is the only super hero, sometimes the best way to help a person is to not do anything but pray for them. Post Reply
View Profile History	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 13 Jul, 2011 02:24 PM i am getting more impatient by the minute...God uses us? perverse views of God neither bless me nor do they bless others. Post Reply
Devotedlove47^ View Profile History	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 13 Jul, 2011 02:43 PM Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:25-32 As a supernatural lover in Christ, I am called to demonstrate the sacrificial love of Christ to my spouse. Laying down my life for her spiritual union, growth, and maturity in God. Not worshipping her as an idol or icon before God, but loving her (sometimes though the correction of the word) back into the reconciliation (oneness) of Adam's original purpose in God. Being fruitful, multiplying, and reproducing Godly seed upon the earth. Post Reply
View Profile History	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 13 Jul, 2011 03:17 PM I'm a little confused by your reply lovingcoman. It is not in vanity or in taking God's glory that I say this but I do believe God uses us in some instances. I am not saying that without us He will not be able to do anything quite the opposite really. We are the hands and feet of God on this earth and in His love He desires that we be used by Him for HIS honor and HIS glory. So can you please explain yourself because I have witnessed God speak through people and use them to accomplish something. God wants this relationship with Him as in Psalms 27 He even wants to confide in us. Please explain thanks alot. Post Reply
View Profile History	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 18 Jul, 2011 02:21 PM I think this thread has a legitimate question. I have found that I often find myself attracted to girls who have been hurt in the past because (if I'm reading myself correctly) I want to do what I can to bring healing to their scarred emotions left from other guys or circumstances in their lives. This one girl in particular I'm friends with has been so riddled with trust issues that I want to do what I can to be an honest friend to her and show her that there are people she can rely on to be real and supportive; not everyone has to end up hurting her, etc (and yes, she does have a boyfriend). Another friend of mine has also had a hard time, and I'm a supporting friend to her as well. All I really do is listen and try to offer advice, when appropriate (and only if they are okay with it). Sometimes guys fall into the trap of trying to fix everything, because men are designed to work and they approach problems (especially in others) as things that can be solved. Girls don't always want their problems "solved," but instead seem to first need someone to listen to them and THEN maybe help them out. A lot of the time, the problem may not have a solution, or it might just solve itself over time. I don't know how it is with other guys (I can only speak for myself here) but for me I think I'm drawn to hurting girls because I want to be useful, a real help to them. Something about pain in others, especially girls, calls to my heart and makes me want to right the wrongs and help the helpless. Often, I see the potential for great things in a girl for her future that she doesn't see only because she's so entrapped by this or that, or especially just not believing in herself that she is capable of doing great things. Sometimes, we all just need someone to believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves. Now, I am attracted to girls who are hurt but not to girls who are "needy" or constantly needing my attention or help. I don't want to always be helping, after all. I prefer helping build up the girl so she can stand on her own two feet instead of constantly half-carrying her through everything... which is actually how I think God tends to work. He doesn't just wave his hand and solve all our problems for us; he gives us what we need (and his supporting love) to help us get through our problems and get stronger from it. Ultimately, it is much better to be a friend than a problem solver. If a guy is always fixing a girl's problems, it handicaps her own ability to fix them later because she isn't forced to grow; a cast is not meant to be worn forever. We guys can't try to be heroes all the time. Sometimes, a girl needs a rescue so to speak. Most of the time though, she just needs an honest friend she can trust. I honestly don't think that girls (or guys) who are emotionally unstable and in a constant needy state should be dating at all. If one or both people in a relationship cannot support themselves, I think the relationship is at best treading water and will ultimately collapse. Only when both people are capable of giving to the other more than themselves (that's what love boils down to) can there be a realationship, in my opinion. Back to the main question here... yes, I am attracted to girls who have been hurt, but it is not to control them. I want to help them get to a place of peace, always doing my best to point them back to the real source of all goodness (Jesus). It is dangerous to consider dating a girl who isn't there yet, so I don't. Incidentally, by being a supporting friend I'm always caught in the "friend zone" as they say, lol. Even though a couple of girls had considered me at one time, they both ended up with other guys who were actually probably better matches for them romantically, though we remain friends. Bottom line: it is so refreshing to be useful in a real way to help someone when they need it, but it is even more refreshing not to be needed at all for anything other than to enjoy someone for who they are, and vice versa. Once problems are no longer the focus, the people can enjoy being who they are and who the other is, and that's where I wish every girl and guy could be, but everyone's life has stuff that weighs us down. The real trick is to find a girl (or a guy, whichever you aren't) who has a good perspective so they don't need a human to solve their problems because they already have the ultimate support from God himself in their lives. Just because someone is a Christian does not mean they have gotten close enough to God to experience that kind of support; it comes through a relationship growth that takes time and most importantly, trust. So coming full circle here, I try to restore a wounded girl's belief that trustworthiness exists, meanwhile pointing her to the only truly trustworthy being (Jesus). It isn't ministry dating because it is neither ministry nor dating; these girls tend to be Christian already (just not experiencing the full benefit of Christ's support yet) and furthermore I have never had a girlfriend lol. Restoring trust can get them where they don't need any guy to support them, and THEN they can be ready to date someone (else). I guess I kinda rambled. I hope that makes sense though, and answered your question? Post Reply
View Profile History	Superhero or mere man? Posted : 25 Aug, 2011 01:47 PM Men have a God complex...plain & simple. God is the ultimate father and we are made in His image. We long to be worshiped in some way, shape, or form. We want to be the hero...the knight in shining armor who rides in to slay the dragon and save the day. Meanwhile the damsel in distress is drawn to him. Here's the problem: if a damsel is in distress, chances are its not just the rest of the world's fault & not hers. But the hero doesn't see it because he is enamored by being worshiped by the damsel. I am ashamed to say I have been in that situation in the past. I have since gained wisdom through the Holy Spirit thankfully. As my profile states, this world has a Savior and its not me. So why are most men threatened by a woman who doesn't NEED them?...Easy, because then the men will actually have to work to make a relationship work. And not just sit back and say to himself, "She won't leave. She needs me. She can't make it without me. Look at her. She's a damsel in distress." Sadly, too many men feel that if she doesn't need him then she will leave. Because if he doesn't have some type of monetary leverage, there is no way she would WANT him...And we have used that as a weapon.*sadly shakes his head*...The things we do to our women. Post Reply