Thread: Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
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Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 29 Oct, 2010 12:54 AM
Being choosey narrows the field of potential partners that's true, and having boundaries and conditions is beneficial also....so where is the line drawn?
Have Christian women become too picky in seeking a potential partner? It is written in Scripture not to be unequally yolked and tells us how to treat a husband/wife...so for those of us Bible believing followers, we have foundations to start with....so why so many Christian women (including me) not finding what we are looking for??
I am thinking maybe we have gotten off track and are chasing a more "worldly" ideal man.....Brad Pitt looks does not necessarily mean happy ever after................or are looks a large slice of the "happiness" pie...?
It seems to be harder as a person gets older to find a suitable partner but I am blown away by how many 20 somethings are also not finding what they are looking for.....seems like something has really gone wrong somehow....
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 8 Nov, 2010 11:57 PM
Testify2Luv: Why aren't you outraged that Joseph was "minded to put her away privily".
DontHitThatMark: Well, that's kinda what I meant, he was not going to marry her anymore. And I can kinda see his point, if I was "engaged" and my fiance was suddenly pregnant, I would probably do the same thing. All I wanted to point out was that he was going to "dump" her before he found out that there was something different about her situation. I was trying to compare it to the idea that when we know a person has committed fornication in their past, and then we find out that they repented and are forgiven/God has changed them, our mind should be changed also. Might have been a stretch, but anyway...interesting discussion at least.
Testify2Luv: What do you mean you can "kinda see his point"? She's pregnant. I'd think your first reaction toward him would be "Joseph, if she is guilty of a sin but has a repentant heart, you need to overlook this matter". Somehow you're siding with his initial reaction/thought of divorcing her?
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DontHitThatMark: What I am hearing you say is that even if someone is the most perfect spouse for you in the world, and even if they are Christian and have repented of their mistake, you would not marry them because of their past sin.
Testify2Luv: You're not reading me right. There are many sins that I'm willing to overlook. There are many areas where I am imperfect & couldn't set high demands without becoming a hypocrite. Sexual integrity, however, is one area where I want to be matched.
DontHitThatMark: So...I was reading you right? Have you ever lusted after someone in your heart? How "sexually integrited" are you really?
Testify2Luv: Have you ever been so mad at someone you wished - even if only for a fraction of a second - that the person was dead? Did you carry out your wish and murder the person? No? When you wished someone was dead, how did it affect that person? It didn't. No actual harm done to that person. If you carry out your thought, however, the person is dead. Thinking something and carrying it out are two different things. Thinking sinfully is bad. Acting on sinful thoughts is worse.
I've lusted, as pretty much any other person has. I'm not proud of it and don't brag about it. I do my best to avoid fornication of the heart & have not let it carry to a physical act. Lusting in my heart and actually cop*lating aren't the same. The one I lust after isn't guilty of fornication unless she joins me in the act. Lusting in the heart is certainly sinful on my part, but I certainly compound the sin if I act it out.
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Testify2Luv: When Jesus has his first and final marriage, he is going to do what I intend to do. Jesus Christ, the groom, will be presented with a virgin bride(2 Cor 11:2). The bride will have a pure body(1 Cor 15: 42-44) because impurities will not be allowed in heaven(Rev 21:4).
DontHitThatMark: That bride sure wasn't always pure though. The church(us) is the virgin bride of Christ. His blood covered her and made her pure, just like it does when we are forgiven for a sin. The impurity is gone, and it isn't held against us or even remembered.
Testify2Luv: The bride of Christ isn't going to have the same physical body. It will be a pure body, not the same body plagued with the consequences of the sinful nature. The body won't have a past to remember. The body won't have any ailments that our present physical bodies get. The body of the bride is a difficult concept to understand. Theologians struggle to understand and explain how this body will be and I'm not going to claim to know more than them.
Jesus Christ is dying for our sins that we are guilty of in *this* body. We get a new body as the bride. Those rededicating their lives to abstinence don't get a new virgin body & typically don't forget their past and, in most cases, anything that has resulted from fornication doesn't suddenly vanish(i.e.- children, memories, STDs, etc.). The differences between the justified and continually sanctified flesh body we have for the remainder of our life and the body we will have as the bride are significantly different. The changes seem to have similarities to the concept of reincarnation.
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Testify2Luv: You apparently see telling a lie & fornication as equally sinful acts? Be careful if you're thinking about James 2:10.
DontHitThatMark: Um. I think so. When Jesus was writing the sins of the "accusers of Mary" in the sand, was he writing "adultery" over and over? He said: "He who is without sin, cast the first stone". He didn't say: "He who has not committed adultery, cast the first stone". Not sure if that is applicable, but it works in my own mind. He was basically saying that no one can judge any sin if they have sinned themselves, because it all deserves death, and then He, the one pure human throughout all time that was qualified to throw stones at her, said: "Neither do I condemn you". He looked past her sins, and she loved Him with the purest humility and devotion, even more than His own disciples.
Testify2Luv: If you have a Bible with good footnotes, it should give a good explanation as to what the text explicitly states in John 8:6. In short, the situation was meant to be a trap by the teachers of the law and the Pharisees. It's going to take too long to go over the text. If you don't have a Bible with good footnotes and/or own Biblical commentaries, now's a good time.
You asked: When Jesus was writing the sins of the "accusers of Mary" in the sand, was he writing 'adultery' over and over?
Response: The text doesn't indicate what Jesus was writing on the ground. If you consult commentaries, you'll get a variety of theories on what he wrote with his finger. Where did you get this information that he was writing the sins of the accusers?
You commented: [Jesus] was basically saying that no one can judge any sin if they have sinned themselves, because it all deserves death.
Response: All sins do deserve death, I agree. That sinners can't judge, however, I absolutely disagree. Furthermore, I hardly think Jesus was suggesting such a concept, either.
Interestingly, if a sinner can't judge, what's your explanation for participating in this thread and pointing out what you see as a folly with me? Based on your interpretation of Jesus' words, you're way out of line with your actions. How is it that you can suggest that I am guilty of a sin(that is, how can you judge that I'm guilty of sinning) since you yourself are a sinner?
I find the whole concept of no sinner being able to judge making no sense. Actually, I think it's dangerous thinking.
If no sinner is capable or allowed to judge, how do we punish criminals? Do you know of a judge in our judicial system who is sinless? Using your interpretation John 8 as a text, I submit to you we have to abandon our judicial system. Nobody is without sin, no one can judge, and no one can cast any stone or sentence any other sinner to any punishment. I submit that Christian judges in particular aren't able to sentence criminals. In fact, they shouldn't be in the judicial system. No sinners can judge. Since no one can judge, all criminals must simply be forgiven and told to "go and sin no more", regardless of what crime the criminal is guilty of.
If no sinners can judge, no one is left to make any judgment calls. Therefore, no one can tell anyone else that they have sinned, which means we have to determine for ourselves if we have sinned. Show me where I can find the Bible supporting this stuff.
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DontHitThatMark: Eh, you'd be looking down on the sin of a forgiven christian. To me, that sounds like you're putting yourself "above" someone because you're "purer/less sinful", which is kind of brought out by the comment that you don't think every sin is as sinful as some other sins. It sounds like you think you're more righteous, and that you despise the sins of others, at least in this small instance of marrying a non-virgin. I'm pretty sure we're all still "pharisees" to some degree, and if we don't think we are, then I'm pretty sure we definitely are.
Testify2Luv: Read this carefully. Read it over several times. Inculcate this into your mind:
I, Testify2Luv, am a sinner. I, Testify2Luv, am saved by the grace, mercy, and love of Jesus Christ. I, Testify2Luv, am imperfect. I, Testify2Luv, have flaws. I, Testify2Luv, have made mistakes. I, Testify2Luv, have wronged others. I, Testify2Luv, have got a LONG way to go. Despite my sinful nature and many failings, God has spared me from defiling any woman and myself by fornicating. He has instilled into me a value for sexuality that has enabled me to remain faithful to my future wife. I pray that He'll continue to keep me faithful, I pray for my future wife that she will be faithful in the same respect, and I am confident that God will reward me for my faithfulness to His command.
You said: Eh, you'd be looking down on the sin of a forgiven christian.
Response: I run abstinence groups on various internet websites. There are virgins and non-virgins alike in those groups. I encourage and commend them all. A lot of people in abstinence groups have made mistakes & have decided to rededicate themselves to abstinence.
I do look down on sin - and especially mine. We know ourselves the best, which means we know our imperfections better than those of any other.
You said: To me, that sounds like you're putting yourself "above" someone because you're "purer/less sinful", which is kind of brought out by the comment that you don't think every sin is as sinful as some other sins.
Response: I am a virgin, I desire a virgin. I pray that He will help me remain a virgin, pray for my wife's purity, and believe God is capable and will be faithful to bring to me(or lead me to) that which He really wants all to have. I am trusting in God. Unless He makes it very clear to me that He has other plans, there is no reason to doubt His ability to bring forth what He desires for everyone in the first place.
On sins, you're right; I don't believe they are all equal. They aren't. Shooting a person is not equally as sinful as bombing a building loaded with people. Plotting to rob a bank is not as bad as actually robbing a bank. Stealing $1,000 from a bank is not as sinful as stealing $1 million from the bank. If I were to call you some explicative, it wouldn't be as sinful as me burning down your house.
If all these sins are equally bad, then you better be just as mad at me for the explicative name calling as you would for burning down your house. If they're equally as bad a sin, then you better have just as hard a time forgiving me for the explicative as you would for burning down your house.
If all sins are equal, something's wrong with Matthew 7, a chapter frequently misquoted and abused. The very chapter that talks about judging discusses the nature of sin and how there are some that are worse than others. The chapter doesn't tell us to remove the "speck" of dust from our eye before removing the "speck" from another person's eye. It tells us to remove the *plank* from our eye before trying to help a person with a speck. Matt 7 is about hypocrisy, not about the forbidding of us being able to judge actions. It could have been called the "do not be a hypocrite" chapter.
You said: It sounds like you think you're more righteous, and that you despise the sins of others, at least in this small instance of marrying a non-virgin. I'm pretty sure we're all still "pharisees" to some degree, and if we don't think we are, then I'm pretty sure we definitely are.
Response: I have no sexual past. Virginity for the single is better than non-virginity for the single, wouldn't you agree? Practically any Christian who has been sexually active outside of marriage would agree that NOT having been sexually active would have been ideal. While the Bible clearly tells us that no one is righteous(Rom 3:10), the implication is not that everyone is equally as bad.
I haven't had to ask forgiveness for giving up my virginity. However, there are probably areas of your life where God has spared you from sinning but where I have succumbed to temptation. In that instance(s), you've missed the mark(i.e., sinned) less than I have.
You said: I'm pretty sure we're all still "pharisees" to some degree, and if we don't think we are, then I'm pretty sure we definitely are.
Response: I don't agree with your interpretation/usage of the text in John 8, but I do agree with this statement.
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DontHitThatMark: Anyway, I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to condemn you for something you haven't done, and I don't believe you are going to hell if you don't end up marrying a non-virgin. I just want to point out that if someone comes along that you could love your whole life, don't throw them away because of a mistake that they've been forgiven for. If you're marrying a real converted/changed christian, sins that they've committed shouldn't be a determining factor. My mother was a virgin for 35 years(almost an old maid), and then she married my father, a converted ex-druggie/drunkard/fornicator with a STD. They're still married. No adultery/fornication, and my father is still, and has always been, a very devoted christian since his conversion. I'm just saying, don't miss out on something great because you put yourself above someone.
Testify2Luv:
You said: Anyway, I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to condemn you for something you haven't done, and I don't believe you are going to hell if you don't end up marrying a non-virgin.
Response: I don't even know what the first half of the sentence is about so I have to skip to the second half. When virgins want to marry a non-virgins, it's not a big deal to me. I don't tell virgins they have to marry virgins. I don't tell non-virgins they can't marry virgins, either. Where I get agitated is when a virgin is accused of being such things as judgmental, shallow, and/or closed-minded for wanting to marry another virgin and for setting that as a criteria for his/her mate.
You said: If you're marrying a real converted/changed christian, sins that they've committed shouldn't be a determining factor.
Response: Sins have consequences. There's a lot of people out there who have no desire whatsoever to marry born-again Christians that have STDs, AIDS, cancer, children or other consequences of sinful actions. If forgiveness requires overlooking all sins, then everything I've mentioned has to be overlooked, as well as countless things I didn't mention. No exceptions. When we take forgiveness this far and overlook incurable disease, we can actually be threatening our very existence and threaten to spread disease even more.
Forgiving doesn't require overlooking all consequences of sin, though. The Scriptures don't forbid divorce if there is adultery is marriage; repentant adulterer or not. Interestingly, again, it's on the issue of sexual unfaithfulness.
You said: My mother was a virgin for 35 years(almost an old maid), and then she married my father, a converted ex-druggie/drunkard/fornicator with a STD. They're still married. No adultery/fornication, and my father is still, and has always been, a very devoted christian since his conversion. I'm just saying, don't miss out on something great because you put yourself above someone.
Response: I'm 37(...it's not really that old). Your mother chose to marry someone with a particularly rough past. That's fine. It can be an encouraging story for a variety of people in a variety of circumstances. I wouldn't doubt a bit it's a testimony that can encourage people to salvation.
It doesn't mean, however, that the person who chooses not to marry a person with a rough past is a judgmental, shallow, and/or close-minded person, as has been suggested in this thread.
I'm also concerned about the story. The mention of an STD may be interpreted by some to mean that forgiveness requires making oneself susceptible to an incurable STD. Some STDs stay with the person for life. Additionally, some are transmittable to offspring during childbirth. I would stand up for a person who refused to marry a non-virgin with an STD just as I do for virgins who want/desire/believe in reciprocation for their decision to remain abstinent before marriage.
I'm closing this post by emphasizing that I don't believe there is anything wrong with a virgin marrying a non-virgin. There is also nothing wrong with the virgin, as s/he trusts and has faith in God's ability to provide what He really desired everyone to have, in choosing to intentionally waiting for a virgin mate. Above all, we need to listen to the voice of God and be obedient. John 15:7.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 9 Nov, 2010 01:28 PM
Well, I was going to respond to your post in the usual manner, but when I got to the end I read this: "Above all, we need to listen to the voice of God and be obedient. John 15:7." If you believe that, then we're cool. I just want to point out that all virgins that "wait faithfully" do not "receive virgins from God", so I would be careful about expecting one. My mother is a very devote Christian, and God brought her a converted non-virgin. One of my friends is a devote converted non-virgin, and God brought him a virgin. One of my other friends was a virgin, and God brought him a woman with a child from a previous marriage. So, the idea that saving yourself earns you a virgin reward "like God wants" is kinda iffy. I would even go so far as to say that you are a "weaker brother in the faith" concerning this, because you "eat only vegetables". All I'm asking is that you do not turn someone away just because they aren't a virgin. What if God's will is that you marry a forgiven non-virgin, and your current stance on the matter is in His way? Maybe that's why you're still single? Maybe He's trying to teach you a lesson?
Acts 10:9 On the morrow, as they went on their journey, and drew nigh unto the city, Peter went up upon the housetop to pray about the sixth hour: 10And he became very hungry, and would have eaten: but while they made ready, he fell into a trance, 11And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending upon him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth: 12Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air. 13And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat. 14But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean. 15And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common. 16This was done thrice: and the vessel was received up again into heaven.
It's funny how God had to beat stuff into Peter's head three times all the time, lol.
P.S. And for the STD thing, I am not advocating that people commit STD suicide. I would assume that if someone with an dangerous STD really loved someone, they wouldn't want to get married to someone and kill them, but that's something for each person to decide/work out. My dad has a pretty tame STD that only went as far as my mother, and she was ok with that. And since they are in a monogamous relationship, they don't have to worry about "spreading it around".
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 22 Dec, 2010 10:56 AM
Everyone has a right to choose what they want. What they choose says more about them than anything else.
Ego, judgement, fear and self righteousness are all self defeating principles.
Life is a journey of discovery, of God and one's self as well as others around us.
We should not be afraid to live in the moment, having faith in the judgement God has blessed us with to make the right decisions at he appointed time.
To pre judge others is to miss out on discovering more of ourselves as well as others, and will lead to lack of growth spiritually.
Those that have placed too many limitations on their life will be the ones that lose out.
The wise do not follow the footsteps of the wise, but seek what they were looking for. What we want we may have already seen but it will be hidden until we look deeper into ourselves.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 7 Oct, 2012 12:17 PM
Simon I couldnt agree with you more. You are wise beyond your years. As for either men or women being picky hmmmm may I speak from wisdom..... We are instructed to be wise and seek a person who knows and is walking with the Lord! We are all at different levels of our walk with the Lord in maturity.
There are marriages that work but not necessarily the perfect match. We cant be in a hurry either,.
I believe we have to ask the Lord for the one he has for us. and then wait for his timing. I waited 12 long years for my husband but you know what? When we met it was instant, and we both knew it, It was like
we had known each other all of our lives and had been best friends. The Lord knew exactly the kind of man, I needed. No other would do for me. He sees our lives and the trials we have faced, and believe me when I say,
he does prepare a mate that fits us perfectly. Im not saying we are perfect but the personalities and expecially our hearts must be a match.
My husband and I were truly blessed and walked together with the Lord until he saw fit to take him home. So have hope , and yes be picky is part of the matching process.
If there is compromise before there will be hell to pay afterward. Dont compromise on the things of God.
Dont compromise on premarital sex, It is a sin against the body and God hates it... and although he will forgive it,
there can be devastating consequences that will hinder our walk with the Lord.
