I'll be more specific, romance to women means: Being with someone who loves and cares for them, and usually looks out for them, and wants to sort of be attentive and kind to them, you know, someone who just sort of loves the person you are and your relationship with God, and wants to feel that way towards her husband.
Okay, now let's go over here to the opposite side of the track, I'm not a man, never going to think like a guy, so I'm going on testimony.
Men think: Practically, typically about their jobs and physical comfort from the woman, as a man wants a wife, I've heard a few of them say it's primarily for practicality, cooking and to have someone to be there for them -physically- and have children with, and sort of look after everything.
Okay, what I'm asking is, do men value romance at all, like women do? Or do you think it's pointless, maybe a little impractical or downright gross?
A man told me once that romance and love as women see it was like pornography is for men, mostly fantasy and based off of untrue conclusions on how men think.
I hope I haven't offended anyone, this is a rather deep topic, I guess. I really just wanted to know.
While I've neither read the book or seen the movies of pride and prejudice I'll just focus on the question itself. From a slightly different angle.
In a hypothetical relationship/marriage where your information gathered from guys you've talked to is true. And putting myself in the position of an outsider looking in.
This is a relationship that reads more like a business partnership than a romantic relationship. It gives me that "it works for me and it works for you" kind of mentality at least from the man's perspective he feels like he's getting what he wants out of it. But the woman has chosen to concede her desires and views of romance in order to make the relationship work. So she has sacrificed a part of her to make things work. To me that is not fair to her whether or not the woman is ok with or has accepted this. Loving your wife goes beyond the cold, emotionless providing, protecting, etc. In this hypothetical relationship I feel the guy is doing just the bare minimum and while he'd never put it that way he treats his wife like a means to an end. He may Love his wife but he isn't showing it in ways she would want to receive it. There is little or no romance outside of when he feels it's normal to provide it.
Love and romance is so much more than that, and it's not all actions, not all words, and not all touch. It is doing the little things, it is being thoughtful and aware of her needs, being attentive to her desires, it is the kind word of encouragement when she is down, it is the embrace and letting her cry, it's the gentle touch that says I care about you, it's that random phone call when you know she's having a rough day, it's paying attention to the little things and it also means saying I Love you, and also means physical expressions of that love. There is a time to be strong and be a leader, but that must always be tempered with gentleness. Guys naturally don't get this and some guys never do get this. Some guys are good actors and will jump through hoops in the relationship dating stage but it phases out in marriage and in some cases once he's "won" her heart. In which case the guy was doing what he thought he needed to do to get the woman and now that he has her that's not so necessary any more. Some men are very good con artists and it makes it hard to tell the phony from the genuine. In this case the trend is downward and starts out good and fails off. A guy should always be working on becoming better at being romantic and should demonstrate growth we are not naturally that way (at least most of us aren't).
Personally to answer the question I value romance or do I think it's pointless, impractical, and maybe a little gross? I definitely value romance it is highly important and as stated above it is many different things. Like stegoodie said it is enjoyable come up with ways to make her eyes light up, and I think that is part of the key to genuine romance, it's not doing out of a sense of duty but doing because you want to and you want to make her happy. Seeing the joy in her eyes and/or knowing you are bringing her comfort is all the satisfaction that I need. Do I think it's impractical, pointless, and or gross? Absolutely not.
