Thread: Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
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Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 29 Oct, 2010 12:54 AM
Being choosey narrows the field of potential partners that's true, and having boundaries and conditions is beneficial also....so where is the line drawn?
Have Christian women become too picky in seeking a potential partner? It is written in Scripture not to be unequally yolked and tells us how to treat a husband/wife...so for those of us Bible believing followers, we have foundations to start with....so why so many Christian women (including me) not finding what we are looking for??
I am thinking maybe we have gotten off track and are chasing a more "worldly" ideal man.....Brad Pitt looks does not necessarily mean happy ever after................or are looks a large slice of the "happiness" pie...?
It seems to be harder as a person gets older to find a suitable partner but I am blown away by how many 20 somethings are also not finding what they are looking for.....seems like something has really gone wrong somehow....
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 3 Nov, 2010 12:29 PM
Just wanted to point out Josephs reaction to the first news of Mary's pregnancy. "Oh...she's not worth it now". So Joseph found out that Mary was different. What should we do when someone repents and becomes a "new creature"? Aren't they different? I think that if someone has "fornicated" and not repented, then you could go ahead and look at them like they are "not good enough" for you, but if they are christian and forgiven, then it goes beyond "I'm not naturally attracted to you". What I am hearing you say is that even if someone is the most perfect spouse for you in the world, and even if they are Christian and have repented of their mistake, you would not marry them because of their past sin...and all I'm saying is that you would be holding someone's sin over their head, and putting them under you because of it. It sounds like "I'm better than you, and I deserve better", not "I'm just not naturally attracted to you". If Jesus did what you are planning to do, none of us would be saved, and it just seems very hypocritical to say you would only partially forgive someone that God has completely forgiven. Yes, you can still "be friends with them", but the fact remains that you still think of them as "not good enough" because they made a mistake and sinned(just not the same one you did). Hey, I've just decided. I don't want to marry anyone that has ever lied:rolleyes:. It's so destructive to married life, right? You should probably be more worried about that sin!
Luke 18:9-14 (King James Version)
9And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others:
10Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.
11The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.
12I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
13And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
14I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.
Matthew 18:23-35 (King James Version)
23Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
24And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
25But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
26The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
27Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
28But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
29And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
30And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
31So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
32Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
33Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
34And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
35So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.(Completely!)
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 3 Nov, 2010 10:36 PM
DontHitThatMark: Just wanted to point out Josephs reaction to the first news of Mary's pregnancy. "Oh...she's not worth it now".
Testify2Luv: I'd just like to point out what the text actually says, rather than your version of it. Since you like the KJV, maybe this will help:
"Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a dream..."
Why aren't you outraged that Joseph was "minded to put her away privily".
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DontHitThatMark: What should we do when someone repents and becomes a "new creature"? Aren't they different?
Testify2Luv: Love, encourage, fellowship, and grow in the Lord with the person.
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DontHitThatMark: What I am hearing you say is that even if someone is the most perfect spouse for you in the world, and even if they are Christian and have repented of their mistake, you would not marry them because of their past sin.
Testify2Luv: You're not reading me right. There are many sins that I'm willing to overlook. There are many areas where I am imperfect & couldn't set high demands without becoming a hypocrite. Sexual integrity, however, is one area where I want to be matched.
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DontHitThatMark: If Jesus did what you are planning to do, none of us would be saved, and it just seems very hypocritical to say you would only partially forgive someone that God has completely forgiven.
Testify2Luv: Isn't is safe to say that Jesus' mission on earth was to (1) Show/teach us the way to live and (2) Make a way for us(that is, die and take our sins upon himself so that we can have eternal life)? My mission is to (1) Follow/obey his teachings and (2) Accept his offer of salvation. I, of course, become a believer first and then become the follower.
When Jesus has his first and final marriage, he is going to do what I intend to do. Jesus Christ, the groom, will be presented with a virgin bride(2 Cor 11:2). The bride will have a pure body(1 Cor 15: 42-44) because impurities will not be allowed in heaven(Rev 21:4).
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DontHitThatMark: Hey, I've just decided. I don't want to marry anyone that has ever lied. It's so destructive to married life, right? You should probably be more worried about that sin!
Testify2Luv: You apparently see telling a lie & fornication as equally sinful acts? Be careful if you're thinking about James 2:10.
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Luke 18: 9-14 is inapplicable. It is by the grace of God and the Holy Spirit's indwelling and working in me that I am a virgin.
Matt 18: 23-35. What's the second greatest commandment? I strive to focus on that. I treat my neighbor and my potential wife differently.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 3 Nov, 2010 10:39 PM
Anyone got a interpretation of the following commentary...besides the original poster's significant other?
"Christian men and women are putting themselves on pedestals, so to them being �equally yoked� is to find somebody way out of their league. A lot of people go into a dating quest with certain ideas of what they will and will not accept, which is fine and probably good, but have subconscious prejudices and shallow ideals that they let get in the way. Everybody seems to want a clone of who they are, just with the different set of reproductive organs (going back to what sparrow said about male wives in a loose way), and that is hugely unrealistic. Virgins wanting ONLY other virgins (kind of unforgiving and close-minded if you ask me, so definitely not a �need� in my opinion), people without tattoos wanting somebody else without tattoos� it gets out of hand."
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 3 Nov, 2010 11:48 PM
Tulip89: Look man, Mark did a perfectly fine job of offering another interpretation. Constantly reposting that just makes you look like a giant tool.
Testify2Luv: That post was what started all this discussion/debate. It's key to the conversation and, if it's not brought forward with the rest of the debate, people don't know what caused the debate.
They also won't know that I'm looking for their interpretation of that post if I don't continually bring it forward. I am trying to keep it to once a page.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 4 Nov, 2010 06:01 AM
The church is in need of men who will step up in so many ways! (women too, don't get me wrong!). IMO, we need men who are prepared to love their wives as Christ loved the church as the bible calls them to. Christ loves the church and laid down his life for dirty sinners! Furthermore, the bible says that sin is sin. If God can forgive the woman who has sinned in the area of premarital relations (just as He has the man who has lied or cheated) in the past, I honestly don't see why a mere man cannot. Noone is without sin so noone can be prideful. I believe that we are in need of Christian men who will step up, and love women- who may be single parents - and marry them and love them as Christ loves the church, with a saving grace. I'm not saying that it's not ideal to have saved yourself for marriage etc, but by using this as a criteria in a marriage partner, you may be overlooking good, Godly, forgiven Christian women. Furthermore, you're missing the opportunity to demonstrate a Christ-like love, the opportunity to love a woman, perhaps with a broken past, and you're missing the privilege of leading her in a life free of her past. This is why I talk about Christian men stepping up (and I really don't mean to get anyone's back up about it, soz), because for a man to accept a challenge like this requires him to be totally after God's heart and will and under God's leadership. And whether you're a woman who's as pure as snow, or you have the muckiest past, we still need men are obedient to God's leading.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 4 Nov, 2010 09:57 AM
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Testify2Luv: Why aren't you outraged that Joseph was "minded to put her away privily".
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Me: Well, that's kinda what I meant, he was not going to marry her anymore. And I can kinda see his point, if I was "engaged" and my fiance was suddenly pregnant, I would probably do the same thing. All I wanted to point out was that he was going to "dump" her before he found out that there was something different about her situation. I was trying to compare it to the idea that when we know a person has committed fornication in their past, and then we find out that they repented and are forgiven/God has changed them, our mind should be changed also. Might have been a stretch, but anyway...interesting discussion at least.
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DontHitThatMark: What I am hearing you say is that even if someone is the most perfect spouse for you in the world, and even if they are Christian and have repented of their mistake, you would not marry them because of their past sin.
Testify2Luv: You're not reading me right. There are many sins that I'm willing to overlook. There are many areas where I am imperfect & couldn't set high demands without becoming a hypocrite. Sexual integrity, however, is one area where I want to be matched.
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Me: So...I was reading you right?:winksmile::goofball: Have you ever lusted after someone in your heart? How "sexually integrited" are you really?
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Testify2Luv: When Jesus has his first and final marriage, he is going to do what I intend to do. Jesus Christ, the groom, will be presented with a virgin bride(2 Cor 11:2). The bride will have a pure body(1 Cor 15: 42-44) because impurities will not be allowed in heaven(Rev 21:4).
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Myself: That bride sure wasn't always pure though. The church(us) is the virgin bride of Christ. His blood covered her and made her pure, just like it does when we are forgiven for a sin. The impurity is gone, and it isn't held against us or even remembered.
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Testify2Luv: You apparently see telling a lie & fornication as equally sinful acts? Be careful if you're thinking about James 2:10.
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Me: Um. I think so. When Jesus was writing the sins of the "accusers of Mary" in the sand, was he writing "adultery" over and over? He said: "He who is without sin, cast the first stone". He didn't say: "He who has not committed adultery, cast the first stone". Not sure if that is applicable, but it works in my own mind:excited:. He was basically saying that no one can judge any sin if they have sinned themselves, because it all deserves death, and then He, the one pure human throughout all time that was qualified to throw stones at her, said: "Neither do I condemn you". He looked past her sins, and she loved Him with the purest humility and devotion, even more than His own disciples.
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Testify2Luv: Luke 18: 9-14 is inapplicable. It is by the grace of God and the Holy Spirit's indwelling and working in me that I am a virgin.
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Me: Eh, you'd be looking down on the sin of a forgiven christian. To me, that sounds like you're putting yourself "above" someone because you're "purer/less sinful", which is kind of brought out by the comment that you don't think every sin is as sinful as some other sins. It sounds like you think you're more righteous, and that you despise the sins of others, at least in this small instance of marrying a non-virgin. I'm pretty sure we're all still "pharisees" to some degree, and if we don't think we are, then I'm pretty sure we definitely are.
Anyway, I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to condemn you for something you haven't done, and I don't believe you are going to hell if you don't end up marrying a non-virgin. I just want to point out that if someone comes along that you could love your whole life, don't throw them away because of a mistake that they've been forgiven for. If you're marrying a real converted/changed christian, sins that they've committed shouldn't be a determining factor. My mother was a virgin for 35 years(almost an old maid:laugh:), and then she married my father, a converted ex-druggie/drunkard/fornicator with a STD. They're still married. No adultery/fornication, and my father is still, and has always been, a very devoted christian since his conversion. I'm just saying, don't miss out on something great because you put yourself above someone.
:peace::peace:
P.S. (and the "besides the significant other" comment is sure getting annoying...like I "don't count". I'm not a parrot. I had this opinion before I met her.)
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 4 Nov, 2010 10:21 AM
Testify2Love, people are capable enough to read a thread if they can't figure out what caused a debate. You jumped to wild conclusions off Siylii's post, and when Mark tried to clarify, you treated him like he didn't matter. Constantly badgering people is unnecessary and uncalled for, no matter what kind of spin you try to put on it.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 5 Nov, 2010 05:04 PM
To: Smplesimon,lolobrother,lol!!:ROFL::laugh:To Twosparrows,lol brother on the masculine&favouritecomments!:ROFL::ROFL::laugh: To Syilii,good point!!:applause::winksmile:& to the question,i just have to say that the word "picky" is just a short modern word for "judging".You have to accept people for who they are for we are all differently designed by God.And to anyone who is reading this,be sure to look my question "The good guy.the bad guy.Which one do you prefer ladies?" by tomorrow in the " ask a girl" section.
