I know. I know. You all are upstanding Christian men who would never consider/do such a thing. :-) It can come from your own experience (if there is anyone that transparent and brave), what you've picked up from locker room talk, friends, family, etc... Maybe you were tempted to cheat, but didn't. What was that reason(s)? We women talk about it amongst ourselves about what WE THINK the reasons are. Enlighten us!
Misterman, I think I understand your reasoning, but I have to disagree.
I think I know what you mean. We shouldn't waste time agonizing over why something happened. I do believe we should in all our getting, get an understanding about how we got to where we are because that at the foundation of wisdom and learning from our mistakes.
The more understanding I have about why men or women (how about just people in general) do what they do, the better I can relate. And because I'm willing to put the effort in to make my relationships (family, friends, etc..) work, I have a better chance of success.
It's why I read the Bible. The more I know about who God is, what He requires from me, His expectations and about who He created me to be, then the better chance I have of standing before Him on that day and hearing Him say, well done, good and faithful servant. :rocknroll:
According to the bible, it's cheating already when you starts to lust for someone in your heart. You don't even have to speak to the person to be cheating.
Just look at the world today, how many that is obsessed by pornography, and how many relationships and marriages that gets destroyed by it. Doesn't even have to be pornography, it's enough of stuff out there that blind ones heart and head.
Cheating exists in the mind and heart first. Therefore, as the bible states, think on those that are of good report, etc.
People cheat because of selfishness, an unwillingness to do the Godly thing. No excuse or reason justifies such behavior. No excuse. If they're abusive, leave them. If they're not emotional enough, or closed off... pray, seek counseling, etc. So all excuses lack validity.
Thank you all for your input. I didn't expect this many views or comments. As always, it's interesting to see all the different viewpoints. I welcome any further commentary.
My thoughts include many of those mentioned above. It is a sad or even bad topic, but we know a God who turns even this into gospel. I will try to collect the strings to show the picture I see, how I understand this:
There were remarks about the way we look on this topic - do we ask humans or do we ask God? I do not think that the human point of view matters so much. The mind of a human being that has not the enlighting power of the holy spirit and the truth of God is doomed to fail.
Ask people who do not think it is necessary to find peace and justification through Christ... They usually think of themselves as pretty neat or good people. They think they do not need salvation from anything. That is how they think. So if I believe that I am good and sane, not bound by lies and evil of Satan, I will surely consider my thoughts and ideas as pretty sane and ok, especially as something to be seriously contemplated in finding the truth about something. And therefore also about cheating.
What I therefore want to question is appreciation of ideas that come out of a sick lie-poisoned mind.
So if you look into the bible to find answers, you will find one prominent word: hardheartedness.
I do bad and evil things to my neighbor because I have no love in my heart. If I had love in my heart, I would not do any harmful things to my neighbor. (see Romans 13,8..10) -> Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another,
for he who loves his fellow-man has fulfilled the law.
The commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not covet, and
whatever other commandment there may be,
are summed up in this one rule: Love your neighbour as yourself.
Love does no harm to its neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law.
What I want to point out here is: Do not believe in the lie that there is any other person out there responsible for cheating. And do not believe in the lie that you do not get back what you sow. There is no reason for cheating, but there is a reason for sin. And it is always hardheartedness - you also can name this egoism or rebellion against the holy will of God.
Watching porn is stealing from your wife or friend. If I search sexual satisfaction with another woman, it is egoism. I simply do not want to invest any effort to get satisfaction, especially not love. You just carefree love yourself - and you definitely do not love your neighbor in this situation, a neighbor exploiting herself.
Your partner in loneliness is sitting next door, craving a truthful and meaningful encounter with you... but you seek your own satisfaction, your own goals, your own "good". That is called egoism, selfishness. And that is the only reason for cheating -> ever.
Somebody once said: I needed your love most when I least deserved it.
This egoistic thinking described above of what I "need" or "have the right to take" is satanic and destroying, leading right away from the truth of God. The good thing about understanding this is: We get a cure of this disease.
I read books about this written by non-believers. Couple therapists, people who at least understood the changing power of the godly concept love. They put it this way: The best partner you had is the one you know best - and that usually is your actual partner. You will always take your problems, you not satisfied, just yourself with you -> into other relationships. (Again, this is not talking about actual adultery situations!)
The gospel in this is: To love sets you free, heals relationships and changes whole persons. We all crave for true love. Meeting it is encountering an act of God. And we all have the choice to be a channel for this.
Only problem: There is only one single human being in this whole world where I can get this concept started: myself. There is no use in waiting for another person to start this - or even to try and trigger a start in someone else. But this is the promising thing about it: If you change your ways, everybody in your surroundings, including your partner, your children, your friends, will have to change to meet you too. The old cogs of the wheels dont fit any longer. You will induce change.
And since we believe that we have the holy spirit in us, helping us in the ways of our Lord, this will burst a giant dam pouring living water all over our lives.
a lap of faith - in God and in that person we (used to) love.
