So, heres where the awkwardness begins for all you boys!
*WOOT!*
So, i keep wondering if guys are really just generally turned off by girls who are overweight?
im not skinny, granted, God made me skinny boned so I should be thin, but because of life instinces I began to eat my feelings and emotions. Now, due to Gods grace and love I am working it out and am working on losing weight. But I still have guys say, "Youre so awesome, if you were thinner, or in great shape I would date you". That really sucks to hear, but whatever that makes them look stupid not me. But seriuosly, are guys so shallow that they wont even look at a bigger girl twice? I mean, im overweight but am pretty good lookin and have a really great personality so why do guys keep over looking me?>
Ya'all said it best. Eat healthy and exercise. Some people will always have extra pounds, some will be skinny. Find your "like" and go with it, following God's will for you. Amen.
There will always be some people like my Uncle who smoked since he was 13 years old. Every day. And he still managed to grow old. He is way over 70 already and still in an acceptable health state, as far as I can tell.
But. Smoking is one of the worst killers of our civilization. In Germany there are ~140.000 people dying from tobacco-related illnesses. No 1 in that list are cardio-circulatory disorders. Second is cancer. So 1 of 6 deaths on the account of smoking.
And if there is someone who is obese but not ill (yet), that is the grace of the Lord. So many people told me that it is sin to smoke. So many people tell me that it is sin to fornicate, above all because our body was the temple of the Holy Spirit. Christianity for centuries knows the '7 deadly sins' - and one is gluttony. :eat:
Since I had to describe myself honestly as having "some extra pounds", I think I can say one or two words here too. It will of course just represent my thoughts, my point of view.
I do not like being overweight. I ve got some 30 pounds too much maybe, but I really dont like it. I know that I could be faster. I know that I would be more enduring. Hey, I have to bear 30 pounds more than others! 30 pounds without tension, without strength, just ballast. Saggy. Useful as a hole in the head.
Since I had art classes at university, painting, sculpuring and drawing people, etc., I can tell a little something about aesthetics: You always see tension in a body. Doesnt matter if you photograph it, if you draw or even carve it. Always the same. Tension tells you a story, what can or will happen. Visible muscle tone talks about springyness and youth. About ability, about potential. Visual promises. And - of course - our experience will join in, emphasizing what is said without words there.
Problem is, that a story is told, both by tension and its absence.
I personally believe that every sane and healthy human being is in search of Beauty, because we feel that the most beautiful essence there is is God himself. I believe that every unaffected and genuine person has its immanent beauty and is beautiful, male and female.
But I also believe, that women are 'the fair sex' - and that they are especially meant to embody the soft, tender, life-giving and -preserving beauty of God. We are created in the image of god. And we are created differently, man and woman. And we have different jobs, being an image of god. We wear different facets of His beauty. Beauty is surely not only a physical experience. But it definitely is physical, too!
A man is active, strong, capable of dealing with not at last physical things and problems. He is able to work hard and even to fight, if needed. And you see it, this physical beauty of a man. Strong, muscular, tense and alert, ready to go. He represents the creator, the maker, the conqueror, fit for competition and keen for adventure. A champion, an unselfish hero, focused, goal oriented, but benevolent. (Now... did that ring any bells? Its like the overshoot from a fairy tale! But which woman does not want a little bit of this or that for her heart, after some struggles about oh how naive and dreamy she is?). So, a man's beauty is in the way he does his things, it is the beauty of activity.
Women are of a different beauty. Its shapes are softness, self-confidence, tenderness, bearing life, embrace. A woman IS beautiful, it is a condition, that does not need too much action to be mediated. That is why I would say that it is not that much of a problem for a woman, having a little extra padding (not talking about obesity here!). Though their beauty is somewhat delicate and maybe even in a way fragile or worthy of protection, being spindly thin renders a person edgy and hard - doesnt fit. Nevertheless, as far as I know none of Rubens' 17th century women was adipose. But in his famous picture, Bacchus, the God of Wine, was very fat, immobile, ugly. Gluttony.
Talking about the physics of beauty, a woman can just alight on a bed, motionless and without any body tensions - just being an incredibly beautiful phenomenon.
Imagine a man lolling on a bed... that is not only very odd, it is maybe already somewhat ugly. He is not active, not reaching out for his destiny.
Someone asked why men seemingly dont get along that good being fat. I can imagine this to be true. I really believe that the above is one big deal of an explanation for that. A fat man beforehand talking to him already has conveyed a bunch of character and personal features.
That is why I am really uneasy with even those (few?) 30 pounds. Because I know what story they tell. On the one hand I dont feel comfortable, because it already disables me and my capabilities. On the other hand it debunks me - because I am simply self-indulgent. I eat too much, though I know what this does to me and my looks. And that is simply embarrassing.
Instance: I have myopia, my eye-sight is a little bad. I wear glasses. And I couldnt care less, because there is nothing at all I could do about it. That is the way my heavenly Dad wanted me to be.
So what I was trying to show was some of the different aspects about the topic. It is ruining one's health to be obese. If you overload your car every single day, it will surely wear its buffers dearly - until they break. But men and women are different beauty models. Is the story massive body fat tissue tells especially an explanation for big men's problems finding a partner?
Personally, I really have serious problems with trying to imagine to get an obese partner. I confess to you that I have a little weak faith in this field, that my Lord who died for me will have the perfect one for me. But since not a single normal weighted christian woman of my age range showed interest in me yet, (some really cool and perfectly shaped girls did show much interest, but they were all non-believers, so no option at all).
Dont have too much of an analytic mind, sorry. Always too much text, not sharp enough. Working on it! :)
Eli, are you a poet, and don't know it? : ) I absolutely agree with you concerning gluttony. I'm a cook and food is like Campbell's, um, um good! I just balk at the idea that we all must be small and the discrimination that goes along with that line of thinking. My ideal weight is between 150 & 160 lbs. I am extremely bigboned. I can palm a basketball! Lol! That would be obese on a small boned woman. I wear my extra padding confidently and I get my fair share of attention. The moment a doc says I have...
...to lose it for my health, I will. I most definitely won't be losing weight cause a guy has actually (in my face? what!?) told me he would go out with me only if I wasn't so heavy! Aurora, I would have straight snatched out that dude's grill and then prayed for his healing. What!? Would have told him to go find a skinny girl who likes dudes with no teeth.
Being fat is one thing, being considered fat is another!
There are people, and that also includes christians, who still think that physical attraction in the key to everlasting, true love! This form of "quality assurance" in love is a complete desillusion.
When we cannot perceive the soul of somebody else, we automatically turn to the outer parts of a person.
This also goes for ourself. When we cannot see our own soul, we put our trust on the mirror and have our looks dictate who we are, or worse, who we want to be.
Looks are only important for those who are spiritually blind. Once our eyes are trained and sharpened to actually see, we perceive the beauty of nature and the imense beauty of other people.
Once we start to appreciate other people, we become aware of our own beauty, in a way that we have not perceived ourselves yet. We also adapt our looks to how we see our new selves.
In that process, where we seek and succeed to look like our soul, we can find true love with another person. As this love was planted in us upon creation and will pour out to fullfill a special person to become one with.
Eh it works mutually but I do not know how to put that all in one phrase....
Well like I said, the above are just thoughts popping up when I was reading this thread.
I have read all the messages here.. I�m a fat lady... and i dont know Aurora why are you so worried about your person... i mean i know is very important to think about yourself.. but i think you are more worried about what are thinking others of you... i have read about one of your message about that you want to have a great sex life but you think you will not look good with 50 pounds extra... I mean.. Do you really think that ? or Are you afraid about dont be sexy for your future husband/boyfriend in that moment?... Really i cant believe it.. cuz i guess in my case i will be thinking in other things like.. in to indulge in all my beloved... :glow: make him feel so good and excited i will not think on my extrapounds on that moment :glow:
Well.. let me tell you something....
Im a very sexy girl.. and sometimes i am sexual too... but im virgin yet and really has nothing to do one thing with another... cuz oportunities to have sex or make love with someone i really have had... but obviously you need to trust first on yourself and seek to God and he will send you to the correct person.. i have experienced that everything is in our mind..and im talking about insecurities.. when you are with the right person.. and you are sure about yourself it doesnt matter about your look... because when you are sure about yourself.. you are going to proyect security and therefore you become sexy and desirable and everyone will see it and everyone will want you and desire you... as you dont have idea :P
A brother of mine told me once again..
Beauty is in the eyes of whom he admires.
so dont worry.. if you want to eat less or do excersise you can do it.. That�s good.. but... God knows perfectly who is for you... and knows perfectly who you are made for...
=)
Aurora.. pray more... and dont worry about your look.. if you have your extra pounds... :P I have my extra pounds.. and i have met so much guys here and where i live very interesting but really a lot of them wants to see flesh :P hahaha and.. you know what happend.. i really understood that the person who truly loves you, will love you for who you are inside. That�s the most important..
I know in my case, I am carrying more weight than I should, but I do plan to begin exercising to get rid of those extra pounds. But I have been wondering if that is why I have gotten only one response from the unspecified number of messages I have sent out. I'm not looking for dating relationships, just friendship. Do girls in my age range only want skinny guys?
I think as far as being fat or skinny, it depends on the person's build; if someone is of a bigger build, that doesn't mean they are fat. I'm not of a bigger build, so, like I said, I need to lose some weight. For me, its not about the body build so much as someone who is striving to live their life at a weight that is appropriate for their build or at least working to get there if they aren't. (for the record, I skimmed through a few posts, so this might have been mentioned once or twice)
The most important thing for me to remember is that God is in control, and He will bring people into my life that He feels will be an encouragement to me as well as someone I can encourage back. I'll step off my soapbox now.
When I said earlier that beingfoverweight is unhealthy i meant obese. 20-30lbs over is overweight and to me is not a big deal but anything above is obese in my book.
