Why do men these days think a woman should go out to work and support herself financially? I think if they want to marry us, then they should be prepared to take care of us financially. Maybe old fashioned, but when we're @home, we clean, cook, sew, mend, create and if we have to go out and work, we don't have the time, to make the home nice and cook good, proper meals and be attentive and devoted.
I'll be interested to see men's reply's to this Q! So far I have been blessed and found men to care for me in past relationships, but I do see there's a lot who say - wanted - independant woman! Some of just want to be an old fashioned wife at home n be some ones babygirl and betaken care of.
I also know I will be challenged by career women on this who would say - don't you want to do something for yourself- to put it simply - NO! I just want to be a wife - simple as that!
Ferngirl: I think you need to be much more thoughtful with your wording. You have called somebody not much older than you an �old lady�, argue that a man should not expect his wife to do �physical work� (what work is there besides physical? Cooking and cleaning are �physical�), and call people cruel who are trying to be honest with you and help you to see reason (although I admit that some people�s styles of argument on here can be hard to read/harsh).
I hope you stay true to your claim that you are going to stick to God and the Bible, but I hope that you do not let your judgment be clouded by pride. It seems that you are having a hard time taking any criticism and do not honestly want opinions unless they are opinions that agree with yours. Please keep an open heart in your studies and your pursuit of God�s truth.
You admit to being a baby Christian. Is a baby ready for a marriage relationship with a man? No. So maybe you should instead be taking this time to grow as a Christian woman *before* seeking a relationship with a Christian man.
I am sorry if you find any of my words offensive, I am truly speaking from a place of love.
Jude! Welcome back =) you are not old, you are wise! And you too BornAgainToServe! And 2spa, of course! =)
Fern, I just want to remind you that even your pastor is a human, I have read in one of your posts that you keep mentioning your pastor, not saying that you're idolizing him, but this is just a friendly reminder that human could be disappointing sometimes and when they do, the devil could use that as a weapon for us to be disappointed towards brothers and sisters in Christ, and then will end up to be disappointed to God.
And for the baby Christian, not all people are telling you the truth, that's so very true. And you're being right that you should cross check it with the Bible. But, remember that even Paul remind us that we should help each other in Christ. What I see here is, we here are just trying to help you to walk with your Christianity, as you keep mentioning that you're being a baby Christian over and over. It is natural instinct for older people to give more attention to the babies rather than to adults. Not saying that we are better than you are and more mature, etc, don't read me wrong. If it was compatible with the Bible, then why should reject the idea, it's written in the Words of God anyway, only in different wrapping.
And for all of us where who are participating in the forum, I agree with Siylii here, please do remember that this is an indirect communication so we can not read the body language and hear the tone, so please do be careful with the wording and try to "write down" your tone and body language to minimize the miscommunication. We read what is written here, not what you have in mind.
And oh another thing, Ferngirl, I can see that most people are putting comments here in the forum based on love (speaking from my personal experiences to be involved actively here in the forum for some time), don't let the wording makes you think the other way around. :angel:
(Sorry for the long reply, I hope you make it to the end!)
This is a very intimate topic to me that�s why I feel passionate about replying. For many years I was in love with a lady. I knew her for many years and we were best friends, but I eventually lost her�by far the most painful experience I have ever gone through. She always encouraged me to get a college degree because at the time I was working as a general labourer for minimum wages in a warehouse. She always asked me, �You always dream about having your own family. How are you going to support your family if you can barely support yourself?� (I was working in the warehouse because I wanted to know my God-given talents before I proceeded in choosing a career.) I also was immature, and my biggest fear was that a lady would marry me not because she loves me but because I had money (a common thing in the Middle East, where I am from)�so I subconsciously opposed getting a career and a good paying job. The pain of losing her made me re-evaluate my actions, and I realized that I was immature because I didn�t accept the role God has for me as a man�that is to support my family, protect it, and provide for their needs and wants. After I lost her I understood her point of view.
As a man I dream of the day when I get married and just love my wife, and one way is to pamper her. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the person I love is happy. You know, God has given men (and women) not only the need to be loved but also the need to love. I find my need to love way stronger than any other emotion I have. I don�t see the point of money if it is not making others (especially my loved ones) happy, and helping others.
I believe a man who is not ready to support a wife financially and provide for her needs and wants is not ready to get married. And I believe a woman is unwise if she agrees to marry a man who is not ready to embrace his role as a man, may be due to immaturity like it was in my case, and provide for his family�a wise woman must think of the future of her children before she chooses a husband. (Of course, there are exceptions: people may lose their jobs unexpectedly or become sick, etc.)
My personal view is this: if my wife wants to work or wants to pursue a career then she has my full-support. But if she wants to stay home and not work, then she should have the option to do so; she should not feel pressured to work so the family can survive.
About stay at home moms. I respect no other profession more than motherhood. You know, if we sum up all the jobs a wife/mother does, such as: cleaning, cooking, laundry, teaching, counselling, praying/interceding, shopping, managing finances, organizing, driving, security guard! etc�she can easily make more than twice most men! The things I just listed above remind me of Proverbs 31, A Wife of Noble Character: may be the way a wife/mother carries does her duties nowadays have changes, but the responsibility and needs are just the same. The problem is that we live in a world that�s centred around money. Our culture increasingly values things that we can put price on them, and devalues them otherwise. Being a stay at home mom, or wife, is a responsibility that�s priceless because we are never closer to being Christ-like than when we are serving others (and not getting paid for it!), and no responsibility is greater than raising godly children.
My humble advice is this: be proud of your role as a stay at home wife/mother. And give men the benefit of the doubt--may be some men are just attracted to women who have careers in the workplace. It doesn�t mean one group is right and the other is wrong, it is just that God created each person different with different tastes and preferences�which makes life interesting! For me it doesn�t matter whether my future wife works or not it, because I believe it is my role to support, love, and pamper her in either case. If I won�t spoil my beloved, who will?
I am sorry if I missed it, but how is the wife contributing to the relationship prior to having kids if she doesn't work? There's maybe 2 hours a day of actual work to do if you tally up cooking, cleaning, and laundry. How can anyone be satisfied just sitting around wasting time and doing nothing?
My thought, Ferngirl, is that a Christian marriage is a union between a man and a women to mutually support each other and their family in advancing the Kingdom and glorifying God. Supporting each other spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, etc...as the need arises...they compliment and compensate for each others strengths and weaknesses.
I think finances would be up to the individual couple after prayer, discussion, and being led by the Holy Spirit. Most important is to seek God's will and work together to accomplish His purpose. If to do that best it means the wife stays home to take care of the home, care for/see to the education of children, or work/run a rescue mission and see to orphans, then that's between the two of them and God. It will take sacrifice on both their parts, but if it's God's purpose then He will provide for it.
Is it understandable that a wife would desire to be loved, cherished and pampered by her husband...absolutely. Just as a husband would want to be appreciated, respected, honored and loved for by his wife.
Tulip, you make a good point...prior to kids, the homemaking job wouldn't take long each day. That's why I think it's a good idea for the wife to work full-time prior to kids. As to whether or not she continues to work after the kids come along, it is up to the couple to seek God's direction on that.
Personally, I want to stay home once kids come along because there is MUCH more work to do around the house at that point, and I want to raise my own kids (like I said in an earlier post)...and there is no way that I would sit around the house doing nothing. In my free time, I'd be making about $30-$40 per hour teaching piano lessons.
You seem like you've got your head on right BCPG. I'm sure you'll do just fine. My question was aimed more at the OP, as it sounded to me like she thought it was ungentlemanly for the wife to be expected to contribute to the relationship.
@tulip It is interesting the different interpretations people can but on a post. When I read this, I did not get at all that Ferngirl did not want to contribute to the relationship.
Ferngirl in the OP "Maybe old fashioned, but when we're @home, we clean, cook, sew, mend, create and if we have to go out and work, we don't have the time, to make the home nice and cook good, proper meals and be attentive and devoted."
It sounded to me as if her desire was "to make the home nice and cook good, proper meals and be attentive and devoted." Is that not making a contribution to the marriage? To be attentive and devoted to a husband?
There is a huge difference between keeping a house and creating a home...I know from experience. The difference in atmosphere is palatable. Different couples will prioritize aspects of their marriages in different ways. I see nothing wrong with any of it if it is to glory of God and His purpose in their lives.
Yeah, she did come across that way, whether she intended to or not.
You know what I think? I think she needs to come up with a good, solid business plan for her rescue mission and orphanage, and get it set up with the government (or whatever agencies she would need to go through) to make it legally non-profit. Once the groundwork is done on the business and legal side, she can look for sponsors who believe in the work she is doing. (I don't think she should expect a husband to be her primary sponsor...not a good idea in more ways than one.) While she's working to set up her mission and orphanage, she can focus on growing spiritually. THEN she can start looking for a normal husband who can provide financially for the household while she works in the mission and orphanage. If she has it set up right, she might even be able to legally bring in a very modest income from it eventually, even if it is non-profit. If both spouses are working outside the home, then both would need to contribute to the general household work. She can't expect a husband to work all day to provide financially for her while she works in the mission, and also expect him to come home and do all the cleaning, laundry, cooking, child-care, etc. while she sits on her behind and does nothing. Marriage just doesn't work that way.
Ferngirl, if you are reading this, please know that I do understand wanting to be involved in non-profit work. And I do understand wanting to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. And I really do understand wanting a husband to provide for me, cherish me, love me, pamper me, and protect me. But please be careful not to expect to have all of your projects (no matter how noble) provided for, while you do nothing to contribute to the household neither financially nor physically. That is what I'm hearing from you, whether you intend it to come across that way or not.
I don't want to get into any heated discussions with you, so if you wish to retaliate in any manner on this forum, you will not get a response from me.
