Thread: Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
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Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 29 Oct, 2010 12:54 AM
Being choosey narrows the field of potential partners that's true, and having boundaries and conditions is beneficial also....so where is the line drawn?
Have Christian women become too picky in seeking a potential partner? It is written in Scripture not to be unequally yolked and tells us how to treat a husband/wife...so for those of us Bible believing followers, we have foundations to start with....so why so many Christian women (including me) not finding what we are looking for??
I am thinking maybe we have gotten off track and are chasing a more "worldly" ideal man.....Brad Pitt looks does not necessarily mean happy ever after................or are looks a large slice of the "happiness" pie...?
It seems to be harder as a person gets older to find a suitable partner but I am blown away by how many 20 somethings are also not finding what they are looking for.....seems like something has really gone wrong somehow....
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 1 Nov, 2010 11:26 PM
I look at it the other way. It isn't fair to rule someone out based on height or eye color because people have no control over those things. They do have control over whether they wait for marriage and they chose not to.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 2 Nov, 2010 10:49 AM
Sure keeping your virginity is a choice, but don't pretend for a second that keeping your virginity apart from a relationship with Christ and a changed heart isn't tainted with sin too. Do you really think God is more proud of someone who didn't have sex so that they're "the good kid" than he is of someone who gave it up before he was a Christian? Both are self-serving and about making much of yourself, not God. Before Christ, all we do is make much of ourselves, since ourselves are all that we love.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 2 Nov, 2010 10:49 AM
Sure keeping your virginity is a choice, but don't pretend for a second that keeping your virginity apart from a relationship with Christ and a changed heart isn't tainted with sin too. Do you really think God is more proud of someone who didn't have sex so that they're "the good kid" than he is of someone who gave it up before he was a Christian? Both are self-serving and about making much of yourself, not God. Before Christ, all we do is make much of ourselves, since ourselves are all that we love.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 2 Nov, 2010 12:31 PM
So, rainbowian, it's better to be a prideful/judgmental virgin than a person who made mistakes and has changed through the power of the Holy Spirit?
As for previous sexual experience changing a person, I do not give that much credit. If a person is repentant and has moved on, all that might remain would be guilt, which should also be gone if the person believes that they are truly forgiven by God. When a person comes to Christ they are a new person; the only case in which I see a non-virgin being more likely to 'cheat' than a virgin is if the person was unchanged in their heart.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 2 Nov, 2010 03:24 PM
Hmmm, rainbowian, I wonder who the "proud/judgmental" virgin is?
I don't recall anyone except me professing to virginity. Did you? Has any other participant of in this thread indicated so?
A discussion of Matt 7 might be a good idea for this thread.
Anyone got a interpretation of the following commentary...besides the original poster's significant other?
"Christian men and women are putting themselves on pedestals, so to them being �equally yoked� is to find somebody way out of their league. A lot of people go into a dating quest with certain ideas of what they will and will not accept, which is fine and probably good, but have subconscious prejudices and shallow ideals that they let get in the way. Everybody seems to want a clone of who they are, just with the different set of reproductive organs (going back to what sparrow said about male wives in a loose way), and that is hugely unrealistic. Virgins wanting ONLY other virgins (kind of unforgiving and close-minded if you ask me, so definitely not a �need� in my opinion), people without tattoos wanting somebody else without tattoos� it gets out of hand."
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 2 Nov, 2010 05:42 PM
All I'm saying is that it's more fair to rule someone out for not waiting for marriage than it is to rule someone out because of their height. I'm not saying it's what I would do.
"So, rainbowian, it's better to be a prideful/judgmental virgin than a person who made mistakes and has changed through the power of the Holy Spirit?"
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 3 Nov, 2010 01:13 AM
Rainbowian: All I'm saying is that it's more fair to rule someone out for not waiting for marriage than it is to rule someone out because of their height. I'm not saying it's what I would do.
Testify2Luv: I think I've got your perspective figured out.
Some things we have control over; other things we don't. We don't have control over our height, build, etc. We do have control over our actions.
To set our standards for a spouse based on uncontrollable factors is not fair to that person, whereas to set our standards in a mate according to controllable factors is.
I'm not especially tall. If a woman has 4" or more on me, then I'm far more unlikely to consider her as a potential marriage partner. In most cases, women who are that much taller than me feel the same about the height difference, so it doesn't matter.
If a woman has mobility difficulties/problems, I'm also far less likely to be interested. I want a mate that can participate in physical, vigorous activities without struggling. For some women, the inability to get around is not because of anything they did wrong.
In both cases, the circumstances are beyond the control of the woman. Yet, in both cases, I wouldn't give much consideration to dating her.
There are some uncontrollable factors where people commonly do apply standards for mate selection. In particular, I think many people do draw a line on height differences. Most of us also have age restrictions/limits.
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 3 Nov, 2010 04:01 AM
DontHitThatMark: What would have happened to Mary if Joseph absolutely knew that God wanted him to have the virgin that he "deserved"?
Testify2Luv: I'm shocked you're even asking this question.
Before I respond to the question, though, it's good that you put the word *deserved* in quotes. As sinful humans, none of us "deserve" a thing. We don't deserve life or any of the blessings that come with living. Because we don't deserve anything, we don't deserve to receive love from others. However, it is a commanded by God that we love one another. None of us "deserves" a life mate, either, yet the Scriptures permit marriage. None of us deserves a virgin mate, yet the Scriptures command us to be virgins until marriage. For me, it is not about deserving, it's about faith and confident expectation in God's ability to provide.
Now, moving on to the question you asked. What would have happened to Mary if Joseph absolutely knew that God wanted him to have the virgin that he "deserved"?
Mary would have gotten married to Joseph, just as the Scriptures indicated actually did happen. Why? Mary was neither promiscuous nor a fornicator. Jesus wasn't conceived by her giving up her virginity. Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit. This is mentioned 3 times in Matthew 1 alone. Jesus was born to a virgin.
There's more in Matt 1 that is also interesting. With the accusations in this thread about virgins being unforgiving, Joseph's reaction to Mary's pregnancy should be noted.
When he became aware of her pregnancy, he was going to quietly divorce her(end their betrothal). Betrothal is somewhat like our modern engagement, but an even more serious commitment. It was when an angel told him that her pregnancy was by the Holy Spirit and that she was still a virgin that he changed his mind.
Joseph and Mary were betrothed at the time Mary became pregnant by the Holy Spirit. Had Mary been found guilty of fornication, Jewish/O.T. culture would have allowed him to end the betrothal and the law would have demanded that she be stoned.
"This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, 'Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.' All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 'The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel' (which means 'God with us'). When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus." Matthew 1:18-25
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Anyone got a interpretation of the following commentary...besides the original poster's significant other?
"Christian men and women are putting themselves on pedestals, so to them being �equally yoked� is to find somebody way out of their league. A lot of people go into a dating quest with certain ideas of what they will and will not accept, which is fine and probably good, but have subconscious prejudices and shallow ideals that they let get in the way. Everybody seems to want a clone of who they are, just with the different set of reproductive organs (going back to what sparrow said about male wives in a loose way), and that is hugely unrealistic. Virgins wanting ONLY other virgins (kind of unforgiving and close-minded if you ask me, so definitely not a �need� in my opinion), people without tattoos wanting somebody else without tattoos� it gets out of hand."
Are Christian women getting too picky these days............?
Posted : 3 Nov, 2010 10:17 AM
Amen @ Koinonia!!:applause:
I totally agree. I think some Christian women may be to picky, and I think the same can be said about some Christian men who want a wife with the same worldly standards of beauty they might see in FHM magazine, but Godly and submissive at the same time.
I think Christian women should set our sights high, because God would want the same for us! He wouldn't want us to settle for anything but His best for us. And I stress that it's His best, because whatever criteria or list we may have, He knows our needs and who we fit with so much better than we know ourselves!
I do think it's very difficult for Christian women today. They should be picky, because the man they choose to marry will be the father of their children and the spiritual head of their home. It's far easier to submit to someone if you trust their judgement, and you trust that they are seeking God for wisdom and in their decisions and leadership.
