I know. I know. You all are upstanding Christian men who would never consider/do such a thing. :-) It can come from your own experience (if there is anyone that transparent and brave), what you've picked up from locker room talk, friends, family, etc... Maybe you were tempted to cheat, but didn't. What was that reason(s)? We women talk about it amongst ourselves about what WE THINK the reasons are. Enlighten us!
@alamelic. I personally am a saved and practicing born again Christian. My girlfriend in this situation was a virgin when she entered the relationship, and she left (or got left) the relationship as a virgin. There's a huge difference between punishing yourself for your sin, and learning from it. I'm more than happy to share my own mistakes in the hopes that others will learn from them. However, Christ already suffered so much more for me than anything I could hope to put myself through as "punishment." So there really is nothing I can do, just confess and learn from it.
To all: I asked my girl what it would take to make her calm down about me being around other women. Her verbatim response was "you don't need any other women." I understand that to a point, but it did seem quite extreme to me. I love my family. My mom and my sister are both women. I don't NEED them in my life, I WANT them there though, and anyone who tries to take them away from me, well, they'll see my German heritage REAL QUICK. I also refuse to quit my job, but we have to hire women. Equal opportunity employment. These laws are man-made, and we're to obey them unless they contradict God's law. I also will not tell a cashier that "no, you can't help me because you're a woman." However, this is what my girl at the time wanted me to do. And I'm not joking.
The reason I left my girl was the cheating, I also knew I wouldn't be able to hold on to a relationship that demanded that I forsake ALL other women (including family) even before marriage. I mean, what am I supposed to do if I get pulled over by a female cop?
I want to clarify for all, I did not have "inappropriate relations" with the nurse. This nurse got me back to her house in the simplest way possible. She boxes. She told me I looked like I needed something to beat on. We went back to her place. Well, she sure does box, and after breaking my nose (and fixing it) She just let me cry my heart out on her shoulder.
When I woke up in the morning, I still had my blood, and some of the nurse's in all likelihood on my stomach and chest. The nurse had left a for work, and just left a note asking me to lock up before I left.
I've been noticing this thread going in several different ways. With questions as to what cheating is. I never slipped and put my -----into her anything. I couldn't tell you where this girl lived, what her house looks like, as I never even made it out of the basement. However, her kindness did go to show me that I couldn't continue my relationship, because I can't deal with jealousy.
I'm opposed to violence against women. I DO respect them as equals, both on the athletic field, and in personal life. That's why I felt comfortable boxing this girl. But it made me think long and hard. I realized that more people I love are going to die, and it would be as bad the next time, as it was the first time, as it was this time, or worse. I also realized that if I continued in the relationship, that most likely this situation would repeat itself, and that as Brandon said, she'd be too needy when I couldn't deal with it. Or, even worse, she'd start to get in my face about how I wasn't "emotionally available" when I'm having a completely normal reaction to losing a loved one. Imagine that, you lose someone you love, and all you hear is someone yelling at you about how YOU aren't paying THEM enough attention...it's not nice:goofball:
@Eli, know I ain't neva scerd! Know this! Lol. I didn't catch your meaning when u said, '..it is quite a simple question, I guess.'. Otherwise, I do understand your post to be your opinion and find no debateable points. I agree! @Skinny, what I said b4 hasn't changed. My respect & admiration 4 u is high. The fact that u do not have explain yourself to us but have chosen to, gets nothing but my appreciation for your continued participation in this thread.
Skinny, I want to join Babygirl in commending you on your participation on this thread. With your teachable spirit, I believe God will do much through you. God can bring much glory to Himself with your yielded spirit.
I believe I would like to weigh in on this subject if I may.
There may be many reasons why a man cheats. If he has a stronghold of lust in his soul than he may be a candidate already, so it�s important not only to steer clear of these men but do not attract them. However, even well intentioned men can yield to the temptation of another. I read a book years ago called His needs her needs how to build an affair proof marriage. In it describes how when men and women�s most valuable needs (generally speaking) are not met, it could leave the door open for them to seek or be sought by another. So we can have the same needs but at different values. The highest valued for men iirc are:
Respect (unconditional)
Sex (spontaneous, heart and soul invested intimacy)
Appearance (more maintaining the level of appearance you had going into the marriage)
Recreational Companionship (joining him in his hobbies w/o cheer)
Domestic support (self explanatory)
This probably doesn�t account for all the reasons, but I have a feeling it gets a majority of them
I appreciate you weighing in, Rabbit. I have a feelin' ur right about those reasons as well. What did the book say were the reasons women cheat? Her needs? I'm glad to hear from you, like Tulip, you took sabbatical.
Regarding cheating, I've only cheated on a girlfriend once, and neither one of those relationships were Christian. Basically, girl 1 had moved hundreds of miles away, and I wanted to break up. She said all the right stuff to make me feel guilty when I tried though and convinced me to give it another try. I was miserable in my relationship but somehow got talked into "not giving up on it." Then girl 2 came along, who I liked better than girl 1 (at that point, girl 1 hadn't exactly set the bar very high though). She literally threw herself at me, so within a couple days I broke up with girl 1.
That relationship was really over when I tried to break up with her, but she used her manipulative woman-ways to get me stay for a little longer. I wasn't man enough to just tell her no, since I thought being able to say, "I tried" was going to let her down easier.
If you're going to learn a lesson from that story, it's probably not to try to force a relationship to work when it's not working and he wants to break up.
As for why women cheat, in my experience, it's usually because their guy is too nice/boring, and someone who is actually interesting and fun comes along. He makes her feel all the things she imagined feeling when reading, "Twilight" and from there it's just a matter of time before she cheats with him. Feeling butterflies and hearts pitter-pattering will trump logic in the vast majority of women almost every time.
I will address the topic here.I do realize that I missed most of this.We are not to deny our spouse their needs. It works both ways. If you your spouse who has needs you share part of the responsiblity.That is why it is written do not deny your spouse lest they become tempted.Both sides most understand they can not deny their partner.
To deny your partner does cause them problems.This was a issue in my marriage.She was not interested in sex.
I found the list I didn't quite get it right verbatum, but here is what the author, Willard F. Harley, Jr.
states:
"Dr. Willard Harley is a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist who has 25 years experience in marriage counseling. He identifies the ten most important marital needs of husbands and wives. He states that a man's basic needs are":
Sexual fulfillment
Recreational companionship
An attractive spouse (I believe to him)
Domestic support
Admiration (I believe this falls under respect)
A woman's needs:
Affection (non sexual)
Conversation (need for connection)
Honesty and openness (openess where a man will engage her insecurities and concerns)
Financial support
Family commitment
The statments in parenthises are mine, not the authors. The book is a good read, and has opened my eyes to how I can love my future wife, and opened my eyes about my own self :)
Forgive me if I sound dismissive or condescending. I surely do not intend my answer to come across as such, but fear that it may.
My answer is the same for nearly all questions begun with the word why and regarding perceived or actual unacceptable human behavior. Why do men cheat? Why do women? Why did my brother steal money from me? Why did my wife leave me with 4 kids to take care of? Why did I smoke cigarettes today, after having quit for nearly a month?
It simply does not matter!!!! To spend time pondering why this or that enslaves our minds. To come up with reasonable sounding answers simply paves the way for these things to happen again......whether to us or by us.....Just my opinion
I disagree :). If I know what might open the door for a woman to be unfaithful, furthermore if I know what makes her feel loved, than I can be more obediant in following my Lord's command to "love my wife as Christ loved the church" while maintaing a good and Godly relationship.
Proverbs 15:4 The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly
Proverbs 27:12 A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
