I'll be more specific, romance to women means: Being with someone who loves and cares for them, and usually looks out for them, and wants to sort of be attentive and kind to them, you know, someone who just sort of loves the person you are and your relationship with God, and wants to feel that way towards her husband.
Okay, now let's go over here to the opposite side of the track, I'm not a man, never going to think like a guy, so I'm going on testimony.
Men think: Practically, typically about their jobs and physical comfort from the woman, as a man wants a wife, I've heard a few of them say it's primarily for practicality, cooking and to have someone to be there for them -physically- and have children with, and sort of look after everything.
Okay, what I'm asking is, do men value romance at all, like women do? Or do you think it's pointless, maybe a little impractical or downright gross?
A man told me once that romance and love as women see it was like pornography is for men, mostly fantasy and based off of untrue conclusions on how men think.
I hope I haven't offended anyone, this is a rather deep topic, I guess. I really just wanted to know.
It�s really hard to pick one, since they are all different.
Pride and Prejudice is good for its family interaction, and showing how a father who does not lead can ruin a family. I also liked the portrayal of Mr. Darcy. He is like a fish out of water when he is not in his �natural environment�, and people mistake it for rudeness. But, put him in a situation where he is very comfortable, and his good nature shines through. Reminds me a lot of me.
Emma, well I have never been able to finish the book, too much gossip and intrigue. But, I do like the movie with Gwyneth Paltrow. Plenty of funny moments, and Mr. Knightly comes across very well.
I like persuasion because of Anne who did not have the pride of her family, but only thought of others. I also like it because she marries the man who she always loved.
Mansfield Park is great because of the character of Fanny. Even though everyone around her were selfish and did what they wanted, she always did what was right. Of course she did end up marrying her cousin (ewww!)
I like Sense and Sensibility because of Elinor�s character. When her whole life was falling down around her, she was the one who held her family together. She set aside her needs for the needs of her family. Of course it�s great at the end when she finally get the man that she loves. An interesting fact is the director. It�s hard to believe that he was the one who also directed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
I have not read or seen any movies for Northanger Abby.
Yes, I agree, Pride and Prejudice is great for family interaction, I think the portrayal of Elizabeth's sisters was interesting and her parents, especially her mother.
The differences between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are immediate at first, it's almost like if anything they seemed to dislike each other, but it wasn't the case later on, when Elizabeth could better see his kind nature.
Mr. Collins is a funny character, he comes across as very undesirable, but sort of the safe stable husband figure without any romance, really. He doesn't seem as charming as Mr. Darcy or his friend at all.
I liked Emma, but then I didn't like it too. I think I wanted to like it.
And I loved Sense and Sensibility, Colonel Brandon was just the coolest character, waiting out Willoughby like that, and caring for Marianne all that time.
"I'll be more specific, romance to women means: Being with someone who loves and cares for them, and usually looks out for them, and wants to sort of be attentive and kind to them, you know, someone who just sort of loves the person you are and your relationship with God, and wants to feel that way towards her husband."
Hmm, well then I'm one of those rare guys then. Honestly the thing that would make me the most happy is to be with one I just enjoy being around....we don't even have to talk. As for being attentive and kind...kind of comes naturally (I have God to thank for that).
I suppose a big reason I am that way is because of the mother God blessed me with. She was a very sensitive and loving person and being a mamma's boy I was influenced by her. So I guess you could call me empathetic toward others....which to be honest can hurt sometimes because I can take on the emotions of the person hurting.
Now as to how guys typically see romance...again since I'm not typical I could not say lol.
I think that a lot of the difference comes in how men and women bond. Women tend to prefer to feel and talk and such, while men do activities together. The more time guys spend doing stuff with each other, the closer they get. One of the reasons that sex is so important in marriage is that it's an activity that draws men closer to their wives. The same goes for road trips, eating dinner together, having an adventure, etc. If someone doesn't want to do things with a guy, he tends to feel like that's a judgment against him as a man. Activity precedes feeling.
On the other hand, women tend to want to share and bond and talk and such. If they aren't feeling it, they usually don't want to do it. They have these grand dreams in their heads of how their prince is going to make them feel and how wonderful everything will be. Usually such things are fed to them by Disney, their parents, trashy romance novels, and even Christian romance novels.
Somewhere in the middle is likely where a couple needs to meet. Women need to do things they don't feel like doing because they know it will bring the two of them closer, and men need to take a little advice from he movies.
I know a lot more women willing to make a marriage work, and try really hard to please their husbands, actually. It's not that women don't feel like doing physical things with their husband. They just don't want to do physical things with a jerk (someone who is completely and totally unwilling to be kind or the least bit romantic, and loving towards his spouse). If I may be so bold.
Women want romance and the physical, but think romance and love is more important. Men usually think physical is more important that emotional.
Relationships with your spouse should be a lot more than sex, sex should be in there, but if that's all there is what keeps a wife from wanting to leave her husband after he's just not as cute anymore, or a man from leaving his wife after she's changed some as well?
Well it IS important, certainly at the beginning, but I thinks it becomes less important over time and probably by age 50-60 (I'm guessing), it's more about companionship.
It's already been mentioned, but show us affection in practical ways (not just sex but don't underestimate it!) such as liking to be held by us, initiating touch, affirming our abilities, etc. and that'll generate in us the feelings you want to experience before you're willing to do the above:rolleyes:
I like that, that's all well and good, I was more or less wondering if men view love the way women do, or if we're so radically different no one can expect that men and women really feel the same. Primarily most of the posters have said, touch, physical. I was looking for more detailed, deeper answers.
As I said, I think it's a huge part of marriage, HUGE.
But I want to know if anything else is there for you guys.
I like a lot of what dennis and cobbler had to say, thank you for input.
The bell curve is rather large on this one. And regenerated Christian men follow a far different Bell arch altogether.
The lost men (in larger majority) think women are addle brained with estrogen and chocolate, and will often successfully use romance to seduce and obtain physical access to a woman's intimacy. But they will never have loved her to begin with, despite many professions of love.
There are, however, outliers that are the exception and not the rule, who love romance (as a woman views romance), but their numbers are quite few indeed.
A great many men who are raised by single parent mothers and/or grow with with only sisters and no brothers have a view of romance that is highly informed by the female view of romance. This type is rare in relation to the majority and he typically becomes even more profound when this male is also a Christian. Quite the deviation.
More significant questions as to Cause or Purpose for the gender view differences on the subject arise.
I feel it is pertinent to say that God has made us this way, and his reasoning, may not be crystal clear but quite the mystery. Romance being the road to intercourse and the Two becoming one flesh.
I suspect the difference in view is so that they (male and female) will be drawn together and mesh and weave in a complementary way. No one wants to date their emotional/spiritual clone.
In fact, I offer that it is our manifold differences that draw the sexes towards each other. Like the poles of magnets, "Opposites attract"
That is true, opposites do attract, but disregarding anyone's feelings is a turn off no matter which way you look at it.
There is also such a thing as too opposite, if someone is so vastly different from you, you can't feel close to them, just as darkness is different than light.
